


Consider This

by peerpressure



Series: Consider This [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Content, Single Dad AU, also niall is a stripper, i forgot about easter holidays, so this is a universe where easter doesn't exist i guess, zayn isn't included because i started writing this in 2015 when i was hurt after he left
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 82,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28552605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peerpressure/pseuds/peerpressure
Summary: "Harry has not read the rule book of parenting, but he’s pretty sure it has a paragraph dedicated to not flirting with strippers. Not even if they’re very hot and also very charming."--In which Harry is a single father to five year old Hugo and Niall is a stripper who makes it very hard for Harry to remember his priorities.
Relationships: Niall Horan/Harry Styles
Series: Consider This [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164323
Comments: 88
Kudos: 97





	1. CHAPTER ONE

It’s Friday.

Quarter past three and Harry’s been standing in line with the other parents for seven minutes. Their children are waiting patiently at their desks, waiting for that familiar face to pop in from the door. Harry and Hugo spot each other right away and Hugo gives Harry a big smile and wave. He says a quick goodbye to his friends and gets his bag on The Beast’s command. Then he walks, because they’re not allowed to run, up to his daddy and hugs him around the waist. Harry smiles down at him and cradles his head before turning to the The Beast.

Mrs. Hannigan, or, in Harry’s head, The Beast - is Hugo’s teacher. She’s old, should be hitting that pension any day now, and has a kind, friendly face. That is, of course, nothing but a facade.

She’s been tough on Harry since day one of reception. It was a Thursday and Harry and Hugo had woken up extra early. They’d had a good breakfast and Harry had spent some extra time tying Hugo’s tie just to make it look perfect. He even combed Hugo’s hair. They held hands the entire way to school, Harry a nervous wreck about this new beginning, Hugo excited about making new friends, and meet some of his old ones from nursery.

When they had arrived at his classroom it became clear that Hugo was without a doubt, one of the most well behaved kids there. He had been an absolute delight, and had Harry beaming with pride. They had walked up to Mrs. Hannigan to say hello, and she’d looked at Hugo with a warm smile. Then she’d taken a look at Harry, and the smile had fallen right off her face.

”The email clearly stated the child should be brought in on the first day by a parent, not a sibling,” she’d said. This was not the first time someone had mistook Harry for Hugo’s older brother, but it still hurt a bit every time. Harry had gripped his son’s hand tighter.

”I’m the father,” he’d said. ”Harry Styles.”

And she’d looked him up and down with a little frown.

”And his mother?”

”It’s just us.”

Mrs. Hannigan had looked so displeased with the idea of the young 25 year old Harry taking care of a child on his own, that Harry had just wanted to take Hugo and run away forever. But then she’d put on a smile that seemed nothing but fake, and invited them into the classroom.

They had found Hugo’s seat and Harry had helped him hang his bag on the hook with his name on it. Then he had stood with all the other parents by the wall, and watched with pride as his son answered questions and raised his hand as far up as he could reach.

On that day, Harry did nothing the other parents didn’t do, his son wasn’t worse off in any way, but still he felt Mrs. Hannigan’s disapproving gaze on him throughout the day. And that was when she became The Beast.

”So, how’s today been?” he asks, a hand still on Hugo’s head, fingers threading through his curly hair.

”Hugo’s been tired. Isn’t he getting enough sleep?”

She’s judging him _so hard_. Harry tries to be brave.

”No, neither of us got much sleep last night. Our neighbours kept us up, didn’t they, Hugs?”

Hugo nods at Mrs. Hannigan. ”They were fighting! Even though you’re supposed to be nice! They smashed a plate!”

The Beast clearly isn’t responding with the dismay Hugo was expecting, as he scowls and looks down when she simply turns to Harry. She looks a little annoyed at the fact that she’s got nothing to say about Harry’s _obvious mistreating of this child_ because it evidently wasn’t his fault.

”Just make sure he’s well rested on Monday,” she says before wishing Hugo a nice weekend and greeting the next parent. Harry and Hugo quickly shuffle along. They get Hugo’s coat and gym bag and walk out to the yard. Harry gets out a little box of raisins from his pocket and hands it to Hugo.

They sit down on the swings while Hugo eats his snack and tells him about his day. Apparently, Kieran fell in gym and got a burn on his knee from the gym floor. Harry listens attentively to his son and he loves him so, so much.

Hugo has just turned five and one of the best in his class at sounding out letters. He frequently brings home gold stars for good behaviour and sharing with his classmates and he is possibly the most polite boy to ever walk the earth. He’s the apple of Harry’s eye.

Eventually, Hugo finishes his raisins and reaches over to Harry to hand him the empty carton. Harry raises his eyebrow at him.

”Right, so I look like a bin to you?”

Hugo giggles out a ”no” and goes to throw it away. Harry watches as he stops to say hello and goodbye to one of his classmates and overhears him telling her that he really likes her pigtails. When Hugo returns, Harry can’t help but bring him into a tight hug. Hugo’s not old enough yet to be embarrassed, but instead melts in his arms. It’s so, so nice.

”Okay, let’s go home.”

They go and fetch Hugo’s bright red bike and Harry’s blue one and Harry helps him fasten the matching helmet. And then they’re off. They have a good set of rules for when they’re going somewhere; whether it be by foot or bike. Hugo can go ahead as he pleases, as long as he stays within eyesight, and always stops at corners and crosswalks. Luckily, they have to make plenty of turns on their way home, and Battersea isn’t a very dangerous part of London.

As always on Fridays, they stop by at the Tesco’s right on the corner from their flat to get Friday Snacks. Hugo waits impatiently while Harry locks their bikes to a lamp post and then Harry has to take his hand to stop him from running into the store like a madman.

While in the store, Harry goes to get some milk, and lets Hugo continue along to the confectionary isle. Fish fingers are on sale and while Harry usually tries to buy as little pre-made food as possible, Hugo is a really big fan so Harry shoves a packet under his arm and continues through the store.

When he gets to the sweets, having picked up little bits and bobs along the way, he’s met with the sight of a very conflicted Hugo. He’s holding a packet of Starburst in one hand and a bag of Jelly Babies in the other. Harry smiles widely at the sight. Hugo’s only allowed to choose one thing, so this decision is very important.

”Tough choice, Hugs?” he asks and crouches down to Hugo’s level. Hugo turns to him with a sigh.

”Yeah. I don’t know which one I want the most, daddy,” he complains, the desperation clear in his eyes. Harry wishes this could be the only thing he had to worry about, too.

”How about, just this one time, we get both? We can share,” he suggests, to which Hugo instantly lights up and throws his arms around Harry’s neck still clutching the sweets.

”Thank you, you’re the bestest daddy in the _whole_ world.”

”And you’re the bestest _boy_ in the whole world.”

”You’re a boy, too,” says Hugo with a giggle

”Yes, but I’m also a daddy and that puts me in a different category.”

They go to pay for their groceries, Hugo immediately scanning the check outs to see which one is occupied by his favourite cashier. He spots him and waves his father over.

”Uncle Liam!”

Liam gives a little wave before he redirects his attention to the paying customer. When it’s their turn, Hugo rushes forward and stands on his tippy toes so he can do his special handshake with Liam. Harry puts their groceries on the register and nods in Liam’s direction with a ”hi, mate”.

”Guess what I’m having today, uncle Liam!”

Liam pretends he hasn’t seen the products he’s just scanned.

”I don’t know, what’re you having?” he asks and puts in the digits for the bread.

”Daddy’s letting me buy Starburst _and_ Jelly Babies! We’re gonna have both of them tonight!”

Liam turns to Harry and rolls his eyes.

”Really? You’re gonna spoil the kid,” he says. ”16.95”

Harry hands him a £20 note. ”I just don’t think it’s good to eat a lot of sugar,” he says for what feels like the 100th time.

”Yeah, but, two small packets of sweets? Not gonna kill him.” Liam hands him his change. Harry puts the coins in his pocket.

”We’d better hope.”

”So that’s the plan tonight, huh? Sweets and a movie? What’ll it be, then? Frozen? Or Tangled?”

”Probably Cars,” Harry sighs. Hugo, like every other child, gets stuck on something sometimes, and will want nothing to do with anything else. Right now it’s Cars. Harry would’ve preferred Frozen, at least it’s got good music. Or Moana, that’s a good one.

”Jesus, Harry, you should really get out more. When was the last time you went on a date?”

”You know I can’t, I’ve got my hands full of him,” Harry says, again for what feels like the 100th time, and nods towards his child who’s packing their food in the reusable bag Harry always brings. It’s important to think of the environment.

”It’s not fair to constantly use your kid as an excuse, you know,” Liam says before ushering him aside to greet a new customer.

”I’m not.” Harry shuffles sideways. Hugo’s waiting, and they go to exit the store.

”At least go out and pull,” Liam shouts after them, and Harry does his best to cover Hugo’s ears, all while glaring back at Liam until he can’t be seen any more.

Harry gets a call from Louis just as they walk through their front door. He tells Hugo to go wash his hands and uses his shoulder to keep the phone in place by his ear as the tries to sort their stuff out.

”Hi, Lou.”

”I talked to Liam,” Louis says, seemingly unbothered by Harry’s strained tone. Hugo’s coat is small, but surprisingly difficult to manage. No matter what Harry does, a sleeve always happen to be inside out or something equally annoying.

”Is that supposed to be news? You’re always talking to Liam.”

”Yes, but he mentioned you stopped by the shop this afternoon.”

”News travels fast! Also, not news. We go there every Friday, as you’re well aware,” Harry says, trying to stall because he knows the subject Louis is inevitably about to bring up.

Louis ignores him. ”He said you haven’t been out in ages.” And there it is. This is a very recurring theme in their conversations. Louis (and Liam, too) can’t ever seem to grasp the fact that Harry is a very busy man.

”I’m sure he did,” says Harry, ”but this isn’t news, either.”

”Right, well, I’m putting an end to it.”

Harry stops his struggling. ”Lou, I’m not going out tonight, if that’s what you think.” 

”Daddy! Can I turn the telly on?”

Hugo appears in the doorway to the sitting room with a hopeful look on his face. Harry nods with a wave of his hand.

”I’m not forcing you to come out tonight, but I’m gonna take care of this.”

Harry is _not_ comforted by his cunning voice.

”Lou,” he says, a warning.

”I best be off, got loads to do,” says Louis, completely ignoring Harry, and sounding chirpy as ever. ”Say hi to Hugsie for me, will you?”

And then he hangs up. Harry sighs. He wonders what Lou meant by ‘taking care of this’ and he’s not got a good feeling about it, because Louis can never be trusted. He’s learnt that the hard way.

The distinct sound of the intro to Charlie and Lola is coming from the sitting room. Harry sighs again and walks over there. He finds Hugo sitting on the floor, his back against the sofa and clutching the remote in his hands. Harry takes a few long steps and flops down next to him, so much that he’s almost lying down and can rest his head on Hugo’s shoulder. Hugo pats Harry’s chest in what Harry assumes is some form of greeting. Hugo does the weirdest shit sometimes, it’s hard to know.

On the telly, Charlie is explaining something to Lola. Harry can’t really bother to pay attention.

”What d’you want for supper?”

Hugo thinks for a moment. ”Spag bol.”

”With lots and lots of onion and carrot in it?” Harry teases and raises his head so he can grin at him.

”Yuck, no."

Harry smiles and puts his head back. Something involving cake is going on, Harry thinks now that Charlie’s trying to explain why Lola can’t have any. He’s not sure.

He ends up putting lots and lots of onion and carrot in the bolognese. And celery. It’s a thing he always does. He uses a hand mixer to chop them up so finely they disappear into the sauce before adding the ground beef; it’s a way of hiding veggies he read on the internet somewhere. It’s very efficient, Hugo eats _so much_ vegetables and doesn’t even know it. He still has veggies on the side; sliced cucumber and sticks of bell pepper, to learn to like them. Harry’s very pleased with the whole situation. He’s also started using whole grain pasta lately; when covered in sauce Hugo can’t tell the difference and Harry loves telling people about how healthy they’re living.

They eat at the kitchen table. It’s a scratched surface, wobbly story that Harry found in a charity shop. Most of their furniture is previously owned; when Hugo was a baby and Harry felt it was time they moved out from his mum he didn’t have a lot of money and most of it went to rent and food, so he couldn’t really afford brand new furniture. And now they’ve both grown quite fond of the mismatching chairs and worn out sofa. Also, Harry’s seen on Instagram that old furniture is all the fuzz lately, so the Styles household is apparently very fashionable.

Hugo eats his pasta from his favourite Thomas the Tank Engine bowl, tapping a carrot stick against the table as he chews.

”So, what movie do you wanna watch?” Harry asks. The flame on the candlestick wobbles in his exhaled air. They always make an effort to set the table extra nice on Fridays to celebrate the weekend.

”Cars,” Hugo says around his mouthful of food. Harry raises an eyebrow. Hugo makes a big show of swallowing and opening his mouth wide open to show Harry that everything’s gone down before repeating himself.

”But we watched it almost every day this week,” Harry whines. He’s gonna go insane if he has to watch Mater scaring tractors again.

”But I wanna watch it again,” Hugo whines back and they stare at each other.

”Fine,” Harry huffs. ”But I’m choosing next Friday!” He points his fork at his son, who’s nodding happily. Maybe Harry can just close his eyes or something during the film so he doesn’t have to watch it. Won’t do anything about the sound, though. He could maybe put little pieces of carrot in his ears, he ponders and studies the carrot in Hugo’s hand. But it would probably get stuck.

Once finished, Hugo clears his plate off the table and puts everything in the sink. Then he goes off to his room to do who knows, but Harry’s learned that as long as sounds are coming from him, all’s well. He does the washing up and pours the Jelly Babies and the Starbursts into two small bowls. He puts them on a tray, adds a beer for himself and an Innocent smoothie for Hugo and carries it out to the sitting room before going to change into joggers. Hugo comes rushing out from his room the second the intro to Cars start playing. Harry’s amazed at the child’s very selective hearing. At times when he’s told to go to bed, he seems completely deaf.

They watch the movie and at some point, the control of the bowls somehow goes to Hugo, who takes it upon himself to put one sweet at a time into Harry’s outstretched hand. It’s very cute and also very annoying.

Hugo’s on the verge of falling asleep by the time the end credits start to roll. Harry nudges him awake before gently picking him up. He carries him fireman style over to the bathroom and sits him down on the toilet. He’s really going to miss these moments, he thinks and holds his son’s jaw open with one hand as he brushes his teeth with the other. He accidentally pokes Hugo’s cheek, startling him.

”Sorry, Hugs,” Harry whispers and kisses his nose. Hugo smiles lazily around the toothbrush. They finish up in the bathroom and Hugo walks on his own to his bedroom, pushed forward by Harry’s steadying hand on his back. Harry helps him change into his red striped pyjamas and then tucks him into bed with his doll Olivia. She’s named after Auntie Gemma’s cat. It was Gemma who gave him the doll for his last birthday, and he never sleeps without her ever since. Harry took him shopping for new clothes for Olivia recently, since the purple dress she came in had been so worn out from the numerous times she had been thrown in the washing machine after Hugo’d had an accident. She’s now wearing a lovely blue dress with little birds on it, Hugo’s favourite. Harry preferred the red one, but Hugo was put in charge.

Harry turns off the light and quietly closes the door behind him. He goes to the kitchen and gets another beer from the fridge, cracking it open on the way to the sitting room. He flops down on the sofa and takes a long swig from the can. He kind of wishes he could just go to sleep, but it’s barely nine and he has got at least _some_ dignity left in his body. He zaps through the channels and eventually settles on Masterchef. God, he wish he could cook like that. It’d be wasted on Hugo’s palette, though.

He’s about to fall asleep on the sofa when there’s a knock on the door. At least, Harry thinks there is. He sits up from his slouched position and yeah, there’s another knock. Harry looks at the time on his phone and it’s just about ten. Who would even get the idea of coming here at this hour, he thinks as he walks to the door. He looks through the peep hole and _shit_.

A policeman stands outside. Harry, of course, instantly panics and tries to think of any crime he could’ve committed. He downloaded _Tango in the Night_ the other week after his vinyl ”accidentally” broke according to Hugo, but everyone downloads these days. That’s not something you go to jail for, right? Shit, what if he goes to prison? What would happen to Hugo? He’d be put into foster care, for sure.

The policeman knocks again and Harry realises he hasn’t opened the door yet. He takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself down and puts on a serious face before he boldly opens the door.

The policeman is _hot_. Harry registers this thought for a split second before coming to his senses. It’s probably not appropriate to stand around thinking about your arresting officer in that way.

”Harry Styles?” asks the policeman with a quirked eyebrow. Harry’s heart drops to his stomach. This _cannot_ be happening.

”Yes, that’s me.” He wants his mummy.

”Well, Mr. Styles,” the policeman says, and there’s a change in his tone, it’s turned - sexy, almost? Then the policeman suddenly stops himself and peeks over Harry’s shoulder with confusion written all over his face.

”Wait, is it just you?” he asks.

”Um, yes. Well, uh, Hugo’s sleeping in his room,” Harry says and then realises that the officer probably has no idea who Hugo is.

”Huh.” The officer just looks at him. ”That’s kinda strange, actually, but I’ll make it work.”

Harry doesn’t understand _one bit_.

”I don’t think I understand, am I being arrested?”

The policeman smirks at him. ”Only for being too _hot_.”

And then he rips off his trousers, classic Magic Mike style and Harry _understands_. _Louis._ He can feel his face turn bright red which clearly eggs the stripper on, as he puts a hand on Harry’s chest and pushes him backwards into the flat. He glances around, and Harry nods his head in the direction of the sitting room. The stripper momentarily loses his sexy pout when he smiles brightly in return of the help, but somehow that makes him even more attractive.

The stripper pushes Harry down onto the sofa and puts a bag (that Harry hadn’t even noticed) on the table. He digs out a portable music dock with an old iPod connected. He presses play and some upbeat, sexy music that is very unfamiliar to Harry starts playing. The music is a bit too loud, it’s going to wake Hugo up but Harry hasn’t got time to think about that because the stripper starts to unbutton his shirt. One button at a time, all while keeping steady eye contact with Harry.

The shirt finally falls to the floor and Harry is met with a pale, surprisingly broad chest scattered with light brown hairs. The stripper turns around and starts rolling his hips, giving Harry the most delightful view of his arse in tight, little dark blue briefs. He feels hot all over. In a way, he’s kinda glad he’s alone, this would’ve been so embarrassing with other people witnessing. It’s a bit awkward as it is, Harry’s not sure what to do with his hands. Groping his steadily growing erection would be so obnoxious. Is he allowed to touch?

He gently grabs the stripper’s hips. Apparently, he’s not allowed to touch, as the stripper pushes his hands away. The stripper turns around and straddles him, without even really touching him. He must have some serious thigh muscles, his knees on either side of Harry on the sofa, grinding in the air, giving Harry the illusion but not the feeling. It’s incredibly hot. Harry doesn’t think, just puts his hand on the stripper’s thigh because he has to _touch_.

”No touching, bad boy,” the stripper purrs and pushes Harry’s hand away again. Harry feels himself getting even hotter. There’s a proper tent in his joggers now and it’s embarrassing and frustrating but _oh_ , this moment.

Now, this close, he gets a proper look at the man. He’s stunning. A broad chin, blue eyes, a light stubble that’s so fucking sexy. Strong, lean arms and a neck that Harry wants to bury his face in forever. He’s absolutely gorgeous.

”Daddy?”

It’s barely audible over the music, but both Harry’s and the stripper’s heads turn to the doorway. Harry had _completely_ forgotten he had a son.

”Shit,” he hisses and more or less pushes the stripper off of him, who, thank god, turns the music off. Harry goes to kneel down next to Hugo, in his stripey pyjamas, clutching Olivia. It feels like he’s just had a cold shower, any sign of an erection has completely vanished.

”Did the music wake you up, Hugs?”

Hugo nods with a yawn and rubs a fist in his eye.

”Who’s that?” he asks timidly, and god, Harry would be cautious too if he found a strange, half naked man in his home. Harry is so, _so_ stupid.

”That’s, um,” Harry turns around on his heel and thankfully, the stripper catches on.

”Niall,” he says as he buttons his shirt. Harry has no idea if it’s his actual name, but it doesn’t sound like a fake stripper name. Hugo’s eyes light up, all tiredness gone when he sets his eyes on Niall.

”Are you a policeman?” he asks, eyes glued on the hat still adorning Niall’s head.

”Uh, no,” Harry says. ”It’s a costume. You know, like your Spiderman costume. He’s just dressed up as a policeman.”

”Why hasn’t he got any trousers on?”

Harry tries to quickly come up with a good explanation, and apparently so does Niall, because Harry’s fairly sure he has the same expression on his face. Harry can feel the panic rise quickly in his chest.

”Do you want to try my hat on?” Niall suddenly asks, and it’s successful. Hugo seemingly forgets his question completely, rushing up to Niall who glances at Harry, who just nods. ‘It’s clean’ Niall mouths and Harry smiles brightly

Niall takes his hat and gently puts it on Hugo’s head. It’s enormous, falling over his ears.

”Hang on,” says Niall and pushes it back as much as he can, and this way Hugo can actually see. He looks adorable.

”I have to take a picture.” Harry grabs the phone from his pocket and directs it at his son, making sure the half naked stripper isn’t visible in the shot. That’d be awful. Harry snaps a few shots, Hugo posing and making faces. He’ll have to Instagram it later. Harry sneaks a glance at Niall who actually seems to be enjoying himself. God, this night really has taken a weird turn.

”Alright, let’s get you back to bed,” Harry says and stands up properly. He reaches out to take Hugo’s hand that’s not holding Olivia. Niall takes his hat back and Hugo pouts.

”Bed,” Harry repeats and Hugo sighs but doesn’t show any signs of movement.

”I’ll be right back, will you wait?” Harry turns and asks Niall, who just nods. Harry gives him a small smile.

”Come on, then,” he tugs on Hugo’s arm. Hugo just lets go off his hand and stretches his arms up.

”Alright, you big baby,” Harry says and hoists him up, placing him bridal style in his arms.

He puts him back down on his bed, tucking the covers around him before kissing him on the forehead, seeing his son already falling back into sleep. He’s about to leave the room when he rethinks and goes to sit on the edge of Hugo’s bed. He takes one of Hugo’s small hands in his own and gently rubs his thumb over the soft skin.

Harry’s insides have turned into mush. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel about all this. It’s the first time Hugo’s ever witnessed him in any sort of intimate situation. Harry’s never so much as _touched_ another man or woman since his son’s arrival. He feels embarrassed that he let it happen, that he just threw any consideration of his son out of the window. But at the same time, Hugo’s five. Did he even understand what was happening? Maybe it’s not as bad as it could’ve been. Harry’s not going to take any chances, though. He strokes Hugo’s hair before quietly leaving the room for the second time that evening.

Niall’s still waiting in the sitting room. He’s fully dressed now - it honestly would’ve been so weird otherwise - and sitting on the sofa. He’s scrolling down his phone and doesn’t seem to notice Harry standing in the doorway.

”Um,” Harry starts, and all of a sudden, doesn’t know what to say. Niall looks up at him and sets his phone down.

”So, I wasn’t expecting you,” Harry says after a moment of silence. Niall chuckles.

”Yeah, I figured. There’s usually no kids around.”

”Ha. Well. Yeah.” Harry feels so incredibly stupid. He sighs. ”Um, so what do I owe you?”

”Oh, it’s already been paid for. We don’t surprise people and make them pay for it,” Niall chuckles, like he’s thinking of a funny story that Harry definitely wants to hear.

”That’s good,” Harry says. It’s all very awkward. Harry’s never been in this situation before, thankfully.

”Oh!” Niall exclaims. ”I almost forgot, you know, with the unexpected turn of the evening, but the person who booked me, gave me a message to tell you.” He takes his phone and reads out loud. ”It’s illegal to hire prostitutes, so this is the best I can do. At least you’ll have some new material for your wank bank.”

Harry has probably never been more embarrassed in his life. Niall looks at him and winks.

”It’s my friend, Louis. He thinks this kind of thing is... funny.”

Niall must read something more than embarrassment in his face, because a little crease forms between his brows.

”You know, your friend Louis paid for an hour. Doing my job is obviously not an option anymore, but if you want company, I could stay for a bit.” He bites his lip. ”I’ve been told I’m a terrific listener.”

It’s _so weird_. Not only has Harry got a _stripper_ in his home, with _his son_ in the next room, but this stripper is also _incredibly kind_ , almost to the point of it being a little creepy.

”Fancy a beer?” Harry asks. Because yeah, it’s weird. But also a nice kind of weird. Niall smiles and nods. Harry goes to the kitchen and gets two cans.

”Stella?” Niall asks with a frown when Harry returns.

”Better than Foster,” Harry says and sits down next to Niall, leaving a good amount of space between them.

”So your friend Louis seems.. interesting,” Niall says, and Harry thanks him silently for starting up a conversation.

Harry sighs. ”I swear, he means well. He just doesn’t think sometimes.”

Niall snorts and takes a swig from his beer. Then he looks at Harry and looks apologetic.

”I’m sorry about your kid seeing you in that position” he says. ”I obviously wouldn’t have come here if I knew about him.”

And Harry feels _so bad_. Of course Niall wouldn’t have come here. But Harry, well aware of his sleeping _son_ , still let him do his job. He sighs and rubs his hand over his face.

”I’m the worst father ever, aren’t I?”

”No. _No,_ ” Niall says and turns in his seat so he faces Harry completely. ”Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you should deny yourself anything.” He sounds just like Liam and Louis.

”It’s not like he saw me with a date I brought home,” Harry says and taps his finger against the can. Then a little thought appears in his head, that should not be there. Imagine if Niall had been his date. Imagine being on a date with someone that beautiful. Harry pushes the thought away.

”Well,” says Niall. ”You’re right about that.” He grins. And it’s contagious, Harry can’t help but smile a little himself.

”It’s not as bad as you think it is, I promise,” Niall says and reaches out to pat Harry’s shoulder. It’s oddly comforting. Harry takes a drink of his beer. He rolls the can between his hands. He wishes it was a bottle instead so he could scratch the label. His fingers itch. His whole body itches. He lets his head fall back onto the back of the sofa.

”So,” says Niall. ”Let me in on the sitch.”

”The what?”

”Sitch. Situation.”

”I’ve _never_ heard that, ever.”

Niall just shrugs. ”So what about it, then? Why does you friend Louis think it’s a good idea to make me come here?”

”He’s mostly being funny, but I think it’s also a kind of a last, desperate move,” Harry says. It’s not awkward or even hard to talk about. After the _sitch_ they were in just recently, not much can be embarrassing.

”What’ya mean he’s desperate?”

Niall looks interested, for real. Like, actually interested. People often lose interest after a while when Harry speaks, they don’t have the patience for it. He annoys people at his job because of his slow drawl.

”I don’t really get out much, both socially and like, dating.” He can’t help but blush a little. Niall smiles at him. It’s a beautiful smile. ”But I’ve got Hugo to think about so it’s sort of like, out of the question.”

”Sounds like an excuse to me,” Niall says wisely. ”A child shouldn’t stop you from living your life as well.”

Harry’s heard it all before. He sighs.

”But I’ve got other stuff to think about, as well. Not like, obstacles. More energy draining stuff.”

”And what might that be?”

”You know, the normal stuff. Work, rent, watching Cars a million times.., Hugo’s teacher,” Harry rolls his head on the sofa so he’s fully looking at Niall. ” _Mrs. Hannigan._ ” He almost spits the name out. Niall lets out a laugh, an almost exploding laugh, short but intense.

”What’s wrong with her?”

”What’s not wrong? She’s been on me from the beginning, doesn’t like me because I’m a young, single dad. Probably thinks I’m irresponsible.” He looks at himself and then back at Niall. ”Which, considering recent events, is probably true, so I’ll give her that.”

”Sounds like she hasn’t got a clue what she’s talking about. I met you half an hour ago and it’s really obvious you’re nothing of that.”

He sounds sincere in a way Harry’s never heard before.

”Thank you,” he says. Niall’s phone vibrates. He checks it and pulls his lips in between his teeth.

”I’ve got to head back to the club,” he says apologetically. He stands and starts gathering his things. Harry doesn’t want him to go.

”One of the fire performers apparently burned himself,” Niall chuckles. ”Stan’s a proper mess.”

”Fire?”

Niall nods. ”I don’t do fire, but I have to step in since they’re one man short, now.”

This is a completely new and alien subject to Harry. He’s never been to a strip show, but he’d have never guessed they’d be using _fire_. Maybe a pole and some costumes. Not a very dangerous natural element.

Niall’s packed his things. He throws his bag over his shoulder and looks around the room. Then he walks over to the window and picks up one of Hugo’s felt pens. With it, he scribbles down a number on the back of Harry’s hand. Harry looks up at him as he does so.

”’s my number, in case you wanna talk some more,” Niall says and smiles. Harry smiles back and then Niall leaves, lets himself out and closes the door gently behind him. Harry looks down at the red number on his hand. Tonight’s been a fucking ride.


	2. CHAPTER TWO

He calls Louis the next day, after breakfast when Hugo’s busy with his Lego. Louis answers after the first ring and Harry can hear a grin in his voice when he says ”hello”.

”Did you forget I have a son?” Harry asks. ”Just curious, as to why you thought it was a good idea.”

”I figured he’d be sleeping,” Louis says, and doesn’t in any way sound remorseful.

”He _woke up,_ ” Harry hisses into the phone and Louis bursts out a laugh

”Really? Wish I’d seen that!”

”It wasn’t funny. I feel like the worst parent in the world, and it’s all your fault.”

Louis quiets down a bit at that. ”You know I only mean well, don’t you? Besides, it was Liam’s idea anyway.”

Harry sighs. ”Yeah.” There’s a dead beat. ”I got his number.”

Louis actually shrieks at this. ”What?!”

”Yeah.” Harry can’t help but laugh a little at the absurdity. ”He was really nice, stayed for a chat after the incident with Hugo.”

”This is more than I could’ve ever hoped for,” says Louis in awe.

”Yeah, well, it doesn’t excuse your shitty move,” Harry says. ”Don’t do it again.”

”I don’t have to, you can call him yourself now.” Louis sounds too smug for his own good. Harry hangs up on him and goes to check on his son. He’s in his room on the floor, surrounded by little pieces of Lego. It looks like he’s building a house, but it could also be a spaceship. Harry’s never too sure. He joins him on the floor and starts putting some pieces together. Hugo hands him a long, red piece without saying anything and Harry attaches it to his creation.

”What d’you wanna do today?” Harry asks and scans the floor for one of those see-through pieces.

”Build Lego,” says Hugo. Harry checks the weather app on his phone.

”The weather’s gonna be good, we should go out,” he says. Hugo thinks for a moment.

”The pirate ship.”

The pirate ship is located in the playground area in Battersea park. They spend a lot of time there, either at the playground or at the children’s zoo when it’s open. It’s very convenient, seeing how they live just a street over.

They get dressed and take the short walk over to the park. The park is big, but luckily the playground is at their end of it. Hugo makes the walk less boring by pointing out different things he sees along the way, and what makes them interesting. Such as a pebble, that sort of resembles a pea. They also stop to look at a caterpillar, marveling at its bright green colour.

A bunch of kids - one of them in a very cool Batman mask - are already playing by the pirate ship when they arrive, and Hugo immediately runs up to them to ask if he can join. Harry decides to let him be, and sits down on one of the benches. Other parents are there, mostly mums, and a few of what Harry assumes to be au pairs. You can always tell because they don’t have that natural parenting aura (which looks very similar to tiredness).

Harry alternates looking at his phone and looking at his son. Sometimes he feels bad, sitting on the side and not interacting, but he figures it’s important to let Hugo spend time with peers and learn to play well with others. Plus, he’s always available when and if Hugo wants to play with him.

A woman sits down next to him on the bench. She looks younger than the other mums, but older than Harry. She smiles at him. Harry smiles back.

”Which one’s yours?” she asks and pulls her hair over her shoulder. She’s pretty and looks tired, that kind of tired that only having a young kid makes you.

Harry points to the crowd of children running around on the pirate ship.

”The one in the Pink Floyd tee shirt.”

She squints a little, and then lets out a little ”ah!”

”Mine’s the boy with half a Batman costume on.”

”He seems like a laugh.”

Harry wonders if he should flirt. She’s obviously doing it, judging by the way she looks at him, ducking her head a little to look at him through her lashes. Does she just assume he’s single? That’s a little insulting. Or maybe she just flirts with everyone. He thinks of the number he put in his phone before he went to sleep last night. Niall’s number. He wonders if Niall gives his phone numbers to all the boys he gives a lap dance to.

”I’m Katie,” she says and offers her hand. Harry takes it and introduces himself. He wonders what he should do next. It’s not new, this, women chatting him up in situations like this. There must be something about him being a father that draws them to him. And he usually plays along; it’s fun and harmless and a good boost to his self esteem.

Thankfully, Hugo comes to his rescue. But not in like, a pleasant way. A loud cry comes from the pirate ship and Harry would recognise that cry anywhere, anytime. He’s instantly up from his seat, jogging over to the little crowd of children that has gathered around his son. Hugo sees him from the ground and starts crying even more, like knowing the rescue is here is such a relief that he can let it all out.

His trousers are ripped at the knee, the skin red with blood and gravel stuck in it. He has snot running from his nose. Harry pushes through the kids and when Hugo stretches out his arms towards him, he sees that his palms are scraped as well. It makes Harry’s heart fall apart at the seams. Seeing his son hurt is quite possibly the worst feeling. Like that time last summer when Hugo fell into a trench full of stinging nettles and they both cried the whole way home; Hugo from pain and Harry from seeing Hugo in pain.

Harry kneels down and gets out a wipe from the packet in his pocket and wipes away the snot.

”It’s alright, Hugs, you’re going to be fine,” he says, because you’ve gotta be brave in front of your kids. He picks him up gently, careful not to touch any of the damages. Hugo’s still crying. He cries in the same ugly way that Harry does; with snot and red, blotchy cheeks. It’s not pretty. Harry kisses his hair.

”Hey, Hugs,” he says and shushes him, rocking him slightly in his arms. ”Shall we go home and patch you up?”

Hugo nods through his tears. Harry smiles at him.

”Then I’m gonna need you to be brave for daddy, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine but you need to calm down a bit.”

They take a few deep breaths together, Harry holding him close so he can feel Harry’s chest rising and sinking with his own. Soon, Hugo’s only sniffling, resting his head on Harry’s soaked arm and breathing almost steadily. Harry carries him home, talking calmly about all the things they see, in an effort to distract Hugo from the drying blood. When theyfinally turn onto their street, Hugo’s breathing is calm and even. Harry has to set him down on the ground, though, because he can’t punch in the code to unlock the street door while holding a five year old, and that’s not a popular move. Hugo starts crying again and doesn’t stop when Harry picks him up again as soon as they’re in. Harry doesn’t even bother waiting for the lift, just carries him up the stairs all the way to the third floor.

He puts him down on the floor again once they’re in the flat, taking off their shoes. He’s kneeling on the floor, trying to drag Hugo’s trousers off his legs without hurting his knee, and Hugo’s bawling his eyes out, his arms around Harry’s neck and crying onto his shoulder. Harry whispers out so many ”sorry”’s that he loses count, all while trying to push his own tears back. The trousers finally come off.

”You’re being so brave, Hugsie, I’m so proud of you.” He carries him into the kitchen, sets him down on the counter with his legs down in the sink. He can’t for the life of him remember where he keeps the first aid kid, so he has to rummage through the drawers which, to the soundtrack of Hugo’s distressed crying, feels like a race against time.

He finds it in the drawer under the microwave oven and gets out the things he needs. And then he rinses Hugo’s knee and hands under the tap, making sure to get all the gravel out, all while Hugo cries louder and tries to pull his hands from Harry’s grasp and the painful treatment. It only gets worse when Harry cleans the scrapes with alcohol, and Harry gives up on the soothing to just try to make it as quick as possible.

In the end, he puts Star Wars plasters on. Hugo’s cries finally begin to die down. Harry hugs him and shushes and strokes his hair and wishes more than anything that he could take the pain away. Harry is more often than not, fine with being a single parent. But it’s in times like these, he wishes he had someone to share the load with. It’s just so very draining.

After, they change into joggers and out of their tear soaked tee shirts. They cuddle up on the sofa, Hugo in Harry’s lap and eat ice cream. Hugo can’t hold his spoon because of the plasters, so Harry feeds him. They watch movie after movie, Harry only getting up to heat them frozen pizzas from the freezer for a late lunch/early dinner.

Then they cuddle some more when Harry’s put Hugo to bed, Hugo lying more on Harry than on the bed, while Harry reads him one of the Mr. Men books in Hugo’s collection. It’s after Hugo’s fallen asleep that Harry gets up from the bed and leaves the room. He’s absolutely drained.

And he wishes he wasn’t so alone.

——

On Monday morning they’re in a bit of a hurry getting to school, and Harry just _knows_ that this isn’t going to be his day. It takes them fifteen minutes on their bikes to get to school, which isn’t that far. Sometimes, though, he wishes he’d enrolled Hugo in one of the three other public schools that are closer to their home. Harry’s mum was stunned when he told her he’d enrolled Hugo to Thomas’, all the way up on the far end of Battersea High Street, couldn’t for the world understand why he’d done it. She’d even offered to pay for the private school that was closer, which Harry never would accept seeing as she already chips in with money for rent every month. And Thomas’ felt right at the time, and seeing how much Hugo likes it there makes it worth the effort it takes to get there. He does sometimes wonder though, what his life would have looked like without The Beast.

The thing about today, is that because Hugo’s hands still hurt, he can’t ride his bike. And while it takes fifteen minutes to bike, it takes half an hour to walk. Harry hadn’t really calculated this into the morning plan, so they have to run the last bit. They get to school just in time. Today, Harry truly wishes he’d taken his mum up on her offer.

The Beast eyes him disapprovingly as he hurries up the door with Hugo in tow.

”Sorry we’re a bit late,” he says, short of breath. ”We couldn’t take the bike because this one here scraped his palms.”

On cue, Hugo holds his palms up in his teacher’s face, showing off the fresh train plasters.

”I hurt my knee, too,” he says, but Harry stops him before he starts to roll up the hem of his trousers.

”Oh, you poor thing,” The Beast says and takes a gentle hold of Hugo’s hand and studies it. ”This must’ve hurt a lot!"

Hugo nods. ”It did! I even cried! But daddy said I was being brave.”

She smiles and pats his cheek before ushering him inside the classroom. God, Harry thinks, she really makes it hard to hate her when she acts so sweetly with his child. He waves goodbye to Hugo and is about to turn away when he’s stopped.

”Mr. Styles,” The Beast says and Harry sighs before turning to face her. It’s _so_ not his day.

”Yes, Mrs. Hannigan?”

”I will be sending home information with the children today about an out of school activity near the end of term that we’ll be needing some parents for. You haven’t volunteered for anything yet, so I’ll be expecting your name on the list tomorrow,” she says.

_Well_ , Harry thinks and allows himself to be salty, there’s hardly been any out of school actives to sign up for at all so far, and the only ones who’ve volunteered are the stay at home mums who’ve got nothing better to do. He doesn’t say this.

”Of course,” he says instead with a polite smile before she goes into the classroom and closes the door behind her. Harry swears under his breath and walks out of the school. Then he remembers that he didn’t take his bike today, because he couldn’t be biking with Hugo walking, could he? So now he’ll have to walk to Clapham Junction and take the overground to Shepherd’s Bush which makes him shudder, because communal transport in the mornings? Dreadful. At least rush hour’ll be over, but there will be plenty of people anyway, Harry’s sure of it.

Harry works in customer service for a pharmaceutical company in Shepherd’s Bush. This means he spends a lot of time answering the phone, a lot of time responding to emails and a lot of time scrolling through his Twitter feed. He also has to be available at all times to help the only other person in customer service - Sheila, a lovely lady who’s two years shy of retiring - with various computer stuff. This ranges from the incredibly difficult task of turning the computer on, to the even more impossible act of finding the ’send’ button when replying to an email.

His boss Tom is a bit miffed that he’s late (just a few minutes, mind you) but other than that not much separates this morning from all other mornings. Harry makes a deal with Sheila - she answers the phone and he takes care of the emails. That way he doesn’t have to speak to anyone, and he’s really not in the mood.

There’s not an awful lot of emails, though, so Harry soon finds himself scrolling mindlessly on his phone and getting stuck with his thoughts. And Harry thinks of the weekend. Of Friday and being an irresponsible parent, letting a stripper into their home and getting caught. Of Saturday, when he let a woman flirt with him instead of watching his son, letting him fall off a pirate ship and hurt himself. Of last night, when he had a wank in the shower and thought of his moment with Niall (and hated that Louis was right) and how bad he felt afterwards because Niall is a _stripper._ Of this morning, almost being late for school because Harry didn’t think ahead. Of how it made him late for work. Of The Beast, and her constantly judging eyes, waiting for him to fuck up. He’s already fucked up.

A pressure is forming in his chest that’s too familiar and he takes a deep breath.

He thinks of Niall’s number in his phone. The one he gave him if he wanted to talk. He thinks about how he listened with interest and how easy it was to talk, the little they had time for. He opens up a new text and types a message before he has time to think it over.

**Had a rough morning**

A reply comes only a few minutes later. 

**who’s dis ?**

So, Harry’s an idiot. Of course Niall doesn’t have his number.

**Sorry, it’s Harry. From Friday.**

**oh yeah, harry! Hi :) rough morning huh ?**

He thinks of what he should answer. He can’t go into deep explanation, but that’s needed to answer the question. He’s starting to regret texting Niall at all.

**And a rough weekend! Speaking of, I wanted to thank you for being so kind on Friday x**

Yes, that’s good. A purpose to the conversation.

**not a problem, mate ! Love to meet u again wit other circumstances**

Harry wonders what he means. It looks a lot like flirting, to be honest. But that would mean that a stripper is flirting with him. Harry thinks of Niall’s blue eyes and broad chest and his exploding laughter and thinks that if the circumstances were different he’d be flirting back; would probably’ve been the one to start it.

**Yeah, I’d rather you not show up at my flat again in a police costume**

It’s good. It’s not flirty, he thinks. A bit cheeky, perhaps. But definitely not flirty. He’s not read the rule book of parenting, but he’s pretty sure it has a paragraph dedicated to not flirting with strippers. Not even if they’re very hot and also very charming.

**so how abt meeting me in my regular clothes?**

Harry bites his cheek, thinking of a good reply. He doesn’t need to, though, as Niall double texts him.

**What ya doing on saturday ?**

**Me and Hugo don’t have any plans**

It’s good, that. Bringing the child up in conversation. A reminder of the package deal Harry is part of (the best package deal in the world).

**Wanna get together? and u can tell me about ur rough mornin . Does hugo like dinosaurs ?**

And then Tom comes by to check on him and Sheila and he has to put his phone away.

”Doin’ okay there, Harry?”

Harry just nods. He hopes he is.

Later during the day, Niall texts him more about this dinosaur thing. Apparently, in Crystal Palace - not the football team but the actual place - there is a park in which they have the worlds oldest dinosaur statues. They are, according to Niall, wicked. And well, Hugo likes dinosaurs as mush as any five year old does, and he’s already seen the dinosaurs at the National History Museum, so it’s more or less a perfect activity. And Harry thinks that maybe they should stay away from the pirate ship for a while, anyway.

Harry tells Hugo about the upcoming adventure when he goes to pick him up after school.

”Do you remember the man dressed as a police man who came to our flat?” he asks Hugo as he helps him put on his backpack. The Beast made sure to remind him of the note in Hugo’s bag when he picked him up, as if he’d forget. Bitch.

”Yeah, Niall, he let me try his hat on,” Hugo says.

”That’s right,” Harry says, impressed that he even remembered his name. Niall must’ve made a proper impression. ”We’re going on an adventure with him on Saturday.”

”Really?” Hugo asks, excitement written all over his face as he looks up at his dad.

”Yeah, but it’s a surprise so I can’t tell you where we’re going,” Harry says and sticks his tongue out at him. Hugo doesn’t seem bothered.

”A surprise! I have to tell Kieran tomorrow,” he grins, and grabs Harry’s hand. They start the walk home, and Harry loves him so, so much.

Harry checks Hugo’s bag when they get home, ruffling through drawings and pulling out his spelling homework before finding the note he’s looking for. It’s crumbled up as Hugo hasn’t yet grasped how to put papers neatly in his bag. Harry straightens it out so he can see what he’s signing up for.

Swimming.

Right. So a day of over excited five year olds, a large body of water and he has to be half naked. Harry looks down at his body. He doesn’t look as good as he used to before Hugo came into the world, has lost most of his abs and his love handles are very prominent, but he doesn’t look _bad_. Plus, who’s he gonna have to impress? He has no desire to look attractive to five year olds.

Harry sighs and signs his name on the dotted line before putting the note back into Hugo’s bag. He flips forward to June in the wall calendar with kittens that hangs on the wall and scribbles in the information on the correct day. Putting Hugo’s homework on the kitchen table, he halls him into the kitchen. Hugo groans when he sees his spelling assignment but Harry just points to the drawer where they keep the pens. Hugo gets out a pencil with Batman logos on it and sits down.

”D’you want some music? Or just silent?” Harry asks and looks through the cupboards to find something to make for dinner.

”Music, please.”

Harry puts on the playlist they made for Hugo’s homework time and connects his phone to the speaker. Adele comes on. Hugo works in silence, humming along to the lyrics quietly and only asking for Harry’s attention when he needs help. This gives Harry time to focus on the bacon and cheese potato boats he decides on making. He’s chopping up bacon when the doorbell chimes. Harry doesn’t even have time to go answer the door before it opens and a cheery ”Hello, boys!” is heard. Hugo’s out of his chair in an instant.

”Uncle Louis!”

A moment later, Louis comes walking through the doorway with Hugo clinging to him like a koala, his hands mere centimeters from Louis’ face to show him his covered, deadly wounds. Louis fusses accordingly.

”Alright, lad?” he asks and Harry nods in greeting.

”Wanna stay for dinner? We’re having potato boats.”

”Would love to,” Louis says and notices Hugo’s unfinished homework on the table. He pats Hugo’s bum. ”I see you’ve got some unfinished business at the table, sunshine. How about we finish it together?”

It takes a bit of convincing because Hugo would much rather show Louis his newest Lego creation but eventually they sit down at the table. Louis showers Hugo with praise over his good work and Hugo absolutely beams with pride. And even though Louis can be a nightmare and orders strippers over to their home, Harry is very thankful to have him in their lives. Having helped his mum bring up half a football team’s worth of kids, he’s a natural and has been very helpful over the years when Harry’s just stood by clueless.

Harry keeps cooking to the soft, murmuring voices of his son and best friend as Louis helps Hugo sound out the words. He steals glances at them, sees how Louis leans in close and keeps a steady hand on Hugo’s back and it warms his heart. Hugo is a lucky boy.

When he’s done, Hugo shoves his homework back in his book bag and then drags Louis away to his bedroom to show him the Lego space ships he built with daddy yesterday. Louis follows along happily. Harry calls them to the table when dinner’s ready and Hugo makes Louis sit next to him. It’s all fine because Louis convinces Hugo to eat more vegetables than Harry’s ever managed.

”D’you know what, uncle Louis,” Hugo says and kicks with his legs. He spoons more potato into his mouth.

”What?”

”I’m going on a secret adventure on Saturday! That’s the weekend,” he adds smartly. Harry is not liking where this conversation is headed.

”A secret adventure?” Harry will forever envy how natural it seems for Louis to look overly excited about things children tell him. ”Are you going with daddy?”

Hugo nods. ”Mmhm. And with Niall!” Definitely not liking this conversation.

”Who’s Niall? Is it a boy at your school?” Louis asks and cuts into his potato boat. Hugo laughs, like Louis just said the most ridiculous thing.

”Nooo, silly! He’s a grown up! And he has a police costume."

It’s clear as day when Louis puts the pieces together and he turns to look at Harry with a smug look on his face.

”A police costume, huh?”

”Yep. He let me try on his hat!” Hugo says, oblivious to Harry’s death glares. He loves his son but honestly, could he just _shut up_.

Louis smiles. It’s not a good smile.

”So Niall with the policeman costume is going on a secret adventure with you on Saturday? That seems like a lot of fun,” he says. Hugo nods. Louis looks expectedly at Harry.

”He invited us,” is all he says and Louis’ smile grows bigger. What a knob head.

”Oh, did he?”

Harry wants to punch his stupid smile away. Sadly, there is a child present. So he doesn’t.

”Shut up and eat.”


	3. CHAPTER THREE

Come Saturday and Harry has had frequent conversation with Niall throughout the week. They’ve been texting during Harry’s lunch breaks and in the evening when Hugo’s gone to bed and Niall’s not up on stage performing. It’s very surreal to think that when Niall texts ”sry, gotta be on stage in 5” he talks about a strip show. He doesn’t talk about his job much and Harry doesn’t ask. He doesn’t want to know, honestly. He’d rather ignore the truth.

Harry and Hugo make lunch. Ham and cheese sarnies and Hugo insists they cut the crusts off the bread, because what if Niall doesn’t like crust? Harry cuts apples into wedges and stuffs his backpack with the sandwiches, apples, grapes, peanut butter for dipping the apples in, crisps, bottles of water and a Ribena for Hugo. It’s a close call getting it all in, but the bag zips up and that’s all that matters.

They walk up Battersea Park Road. It’s not far to the Overground, a five minute walk, but Hugo isn’t feeling like walking and every bus passing them in the right direction brings out a proper annoying whine. Apparently, Hugo’s legs are already tired from all the walking and a million other things are wrong that Harry doesn’t have the energy to listen to. His hand’s getting sweaty from holding Hugo’s and trying to stop him from dragging his feet behind. When they stop to wait for the green man at a zebra crossing and Hugo is whining extra loud, Harry’s had enough. He crouches down to Hugo’s eye level and yanks his hand, maybe a bit too hard, to make him look at him.

”Alright, Hugo, enough is enough. I’m taking you out for a nice surprise today - do I have to do that?”

Hugo actually manages to look shameful and he looks down at his feet when he shakes his head. Harry tugs at his hand again to make him look up.

”We could just go home and have a boring day inside if that’s what you want,” he continues and Hugo shakes his head again, more forceful this time.

”Right. We’re gonna be doing some walking today, and I don’t want any more of this attitude. What’s Niall going to think? Are you going to show him the brilliant boy you are or a whiny baby?”

Hugo doesn’t answer straight away so Harry kisses his hand and looks at him encouragingly. The red man turns to green but they’re not moving.

”Brilliant boy,” Hugo mumbles eventually and Harry suppresses a smile.

”That’s what I was hoping to hear,” he says. ”Let’s make this a good day, yeah? With lots of smiles.” He smiles now to make his message clear. Hugo nods again and smiles, too.

The green man’s turned red again so they’ll have to wait some more before they can cross the road, and Hugo stands close to Harry, leaning against his leg. Harry’s heart aches with how much he loves him.

Harry is oddly calm about today. Has been all week. Niall is very charming. He’s stupidly handsome and witty and funny and it’s a pleasure texting with him. Harry would consider it an honour to have him as a friend. And nothing more than a friend, because that’s all there can ever be. And that’s why Harry is okay, because if he fucks this up, that just means he lost a potential friend and he’s got great friends already. He keeps telling himself this, so he doesn’t forget.

They almost miss the train because they had to wait for so long at the zebra crossing. Harry has to scoop Hugo up in his arms and make a dash for it, and they make it just before the doors close. They sit down, Harry panting like a dog, next to an old lady and Hugo crawls up to sit on Harry’s lap.

The train ride only takes twenty minutes and then they get off at Crystal Palace. They go to stand and wait outside the station, as decided with Niall, who’s taking the bus there. And now, Harry’s not so calm anymore. He can feel his heart beating quicker and harder and he has to rub his palms on his thighs because they’re getting all sweaty. Then bus 432 comes into view and to a stop and off steps Niall. Harry sees him straight away. He’s wearing dark trousers and a light jean jacket and he looks positively _lovely_. Niall spots them and raises a hand in a greeting as he speeds up his steps.

”Hi,” Niall says when he’s within earshot and pulls Harry into a short but firm hug.

”Hello,” Harry manages, and Niall smiles brightly at him before turning to Hugo.

”Hello, Hugo, nice to meet you again,” he says and holds out his hand. ”I believe we weren’t properly introduced last time. I’m Niall.”

Hugo looks properly shocked to be treated this way, like a grown up, before he lights up, because he’s being treated like a _grown up_. He shakes Niall’s hand with delight.

”It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he says and the words don’t sound right in his mouth because he’s obviously just picked it up somewhere. Niall turns to Harry with a big smile. ‘Great kid’ he mouths and Harry’s heart swells. He loves getting compliments about his son.

Niall leads them away from the overground station and into Crystal Palace Park which just so happens to be right next to the station. They make a right turn at the entrance. Harry never noticed before he became a parent, but there is a very prominent difference in the way adults and children walk. Harry and Niall walk on the path, a bit to the side as to not take up too much space. Hugo? Hugo doesn’t walk on the path. Hugo walks everywhere but the path, and he doesn’t even walk. He sprints, he stops to look at something in the grass, he picks up a stick (that’s definitely not coming home with them) and reenacts scenes from Star Wars (he hasn’t even _seen_ Star Wars, but he’s heard of it from classmates and thinks it’s super cool) by himself. This seems to delight Niall endlessly as he follows Hugo with his eyes with a pleased smile on his lips: and anyone who looks at Harry’s son like that can only be a good person. Harry’s palms keep sweating and he tries not to look at Niall too much. It’s not easy.

The walk is short, they arrive at a pond after only a few minutes. Hugo just stops and stares. Harry may or may not do the same thing. Surrounding the lake are big _lizards_. At least, they sort of look like lizards. Harry’s not sure.

”Are they really meant to be dinosaurs?” he asks Niall who’s got his phone up to take a picture. ”Because they don’t look like dinosaurs.”

”I told you, they’re the world’s oldest dinosaur statues. From the 1850’s. They’re allowed to look a bit inaccurate, I think.”

Harry snorts. ”A bit inaccurate? Horribly inaccurate. Worst dinos I’ve ever seen.”

Niall smiles widely. He smiles a lot, Niall.

”Daddy!”

Harry turns to his son, who’s now trying to climb the fence separating them from the ugly pre historic beasts.

”Have you _seen_ this? They’re _so cool_!”

Niall starts laughing and goes to join Hugo. Harry watches as Niall looks up all the dinosaurs on his phone and points them out to Hugo and Hugo listens intently, looking everywhere Niall points. Harry can see the pure adoration in Hugo’s face, clear as day. He looks at Niall the same way he looks at Liam and Louis and he’s only just now met him. It makes something clench in Harry’s tummy and he’s not sure if he likes it.

After looking at all the dinosaurs and taking plenty of photos (one is already up on Harry’s Instagram, it’s Hugo posing in front of a dinosaur in the water and the lighting is really good) they go and find a good picnic spot. Niall spreads out the blanket from Harry’s backpack. They sit down and Hugo starts unloading the food.

”Look, Niall,” he says. ”Daddy made sandwiches without the crust!” He holds up the clingfilm wrapped sandwiches.

”Wow, what a great daddy you’ve got” Niall says and looks impressed. ”What else is in there?”

Hugo starts listing all the food in a really annoying but also endearing way. Niall looks more than happy to be there. It’s strange, isn’t it. Harry feels… he’s not sure, but it’s good. It’s so good. It's warm out, warmer than it usually is in the middle of March. The sun’s out, warming their faces and Niall opens his jacket. He’s got a striped shirt under it, light blue and yellow. He looks amazing. Harry has to turn his head away to stop the staring, feeling very much like a Victorian lady as he does it.

They eat and talk and Niall shows them funny videos on his phone. It’s just as easy talking to Niall in person as it is over text and he’s _so good_ with Hugo, a true natural and it’s a wonder he doesn’t have any kids of his own to have practiced on. Harry thinks about what they must look like to other people, with Hugo showing clear affection for not just Harry, but Niall as well. Their spread out picnic blanket, the soft look on Niall’s face. They must look like a family, Harry thinks. And he can feel the panic rise in his chest, can hear the blood pulsating in his ears and he chokes on a breath. He tries not to think about it too hard because he’ll surely give himself a panic attack if he does. Instead, he puts in extra effort in listening to Hugo telling Niall about the dinosaurs at the National History Museum that they went to see a few weeks ago.

Hugo becomes restless after a while and grabs his stick. He’s running around, fighting off invisible baddies with added sound effects and Harry’s thankful, it’ll tire him out. Niall and Harry watch him and the silence is comfortable.

”He’s a great kid,” Niall says, flashing Harry a smile.

”Yeah,” Harry agrees with pride. ”He’s the best.”

”Looks a lot like you,” Niall adds. ”The hair and eyes. I’m starting to think he’ll be as handsome as you.” He’s quite the charmer, Niall, but Harry can still feel himself blush at the comment.

After they’ve packed up their things they set off to explore more of the park. Niall takes them to the sphinxes located by the grand stairs where the old palace used to stand. Harry lifts Hugo up to sit on the back of one of the sphinxes so he can take pictures. Niall instructs him to join Hugo and proceeds to take several photos of them in many different angles, which pleases Harry endlessly and he just has to put the best one on Instagram. This brings his number of posts on Instagram up to two in a day, which he hasn't achieved since Hugo learned to walk. But so be it.

It is, all in all, a fucking fantastic day. When they later separate outside the Overground station, Niall first bends down to shake Hugo’s hand in farewell, but Hugo dives in for a hug. An obvious joy sits in Niall’s eyes and he wraps his arms around Hugo’s much smaller body. Then he stands and looks at Harry, like proper almost looks into his soul in a way that’s equally comforting as frightening before he envelops Harry in a big hug. He’s got one arm around Harry’s waist and one hand on the back of his head, fingers curling in his hair. He’s almost pressing Harry’s face down into his shoulder, but Harry doesn’t mind, not at all. Niall’s body feels heavenly pressed against him like this, and he smells so good. Niall presses a short, light kiss to Harry’s neck and the skin burns.

”Call me, yeah?”

Then he’s off, walking away to the bus stop, turning his head once to send them a blinding smile over his shoulder and a wave. Harry sighs. He takes Hugo’s hand and together they walk into the station.

——

Harry _hates_ Niall. Well no, he doesn’t _hate_ him, of course he doesn’t, but he kind of does. Because Niall, the little fucker, told Harry to call _him_ and not that _he_ would call _Harry_. As if Harry was fucking capable of doing _that_.

Those three words, ”call me, yeah?”, has sent Harry into a proper anxiety ridden state for days now. Even Hugo’s been noticing, the poor thing. First, he noticed it that Saturday, after spending the day with Niall. They were having dinner and Hugo was excitedly telling Harry about the dinosaurs as if Harry hadn’t also been there, which was very cute. But then he had to go and start talking about how _nice_ and _fun_ Niall was, _as if Harry didn’t fucking know that already_ , and asking when they were seeing him again. Thankfully the boy has developed some sense of reading the situation because he got quiet when he saw what must have been clear panic in his father’s eyes.

It’s Wednesday and Harry hasn’t called Niall. They texted for a bit on Sunday; Niall texted first to thank him for a great day and to tell him how much he enjoyed hanging out with them. They exchanged pleasantries and then it kind of ended because they both knew it was Harry’s turn to take the initiative - Niall had so _clearly_ placed the ball in his court - but he just didn’t do anything. And now it’s Wednesday and the radio silence from Niall is deafening.

But Harry can’t just, he can’t just take the initiative, can he?

Last week he was so set on that he could have Niall as a friend, that he could enjoy his company and maybe admire his beautiful face in secret. But no. The universe just doesn’t want Harry to be happy. It just had to go and make everything so fucking complicated. Harry doesn’t want the fucking ball in his court, doesn’t want it anywhere near him.

What Harry wants is to be wrapped up in Niall, wants to lick the sweat off his skin and to just be fucking ruined - and Harry hasn’t thought those kinds of thoughts in years, not since Hugo came into the world. But now he’s spent the last few days fantasising about Niall in the filthiest way, but also the most innocent. He laid in bed imagining being spooned by Niall; he hasn’t been held in years and he can imagine Niall being very good at it, if his hugs are anything to go by.

So no, Harry can’t take the initiative, because he can’t just be Niall’s friend. He knows himself well enough to understand that he will become absolutely infatuated and then get his heart broken. Or worse, if Niall likes _him_ too, because then Harry just wouldn’t be able to stop himself from wanting, perhaps, a relationship? And that just can’t happen.

Harry’s got Hugo to think of.

Hugo, who is and will always be Harry’s number one priority, and he could never _ever_ intentionally do something that would potentially hurt his son in any way. So no. Harry hasn’t called Niall, and he won’t be able to. So that’s a problem he has now.

Louis and Liam are not helping a bit, either.

”Listen mate,” Liam says and stuffs some crisps in his mouth. ”I say just go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?”

”We’re literally just going in circles with this conversation,” Harry sighs and leans his head on the back of the sofa and hugs one of his throw pillows against his chest. ”I’ve already told you what’ll go wrong.”

”You’ve gotta enlighten me then cause I don’t see the problem here,” Liam continues and with other people, Harry would just assume they’re taking the piss but the truth is Liam actually _might not_ understand. He can be a bit dense sometimes.

”He’ll either end up not liking me and crushing my heart. Or he’ll like me and want to be with me, which is out of the question. Because if we,” Harry waves his hand a little, ”if we started something, then he’ll soon realise that he’s not cut out to be with someone with child, or _whatever_ , and leave me and hurt Hugo and break my heart.” His voice breaks a little at the end for some stupid reason and both Liam and Louis give him a sympathetic look that is even more stupid.

”So really, I’m just saving myself the heartbreak,” he ends and takes a deep breath.

”Those are all very uplifting scenarios,” Louis says ”but you’ve forgotten one.”

Harry narrows his eyes at him. Louis looks innocent as ever.

”He might just like you, and Hugo, and stay.”

”Yeah, well, it’s a bit too early to even be thinking like that,” Harry huffs. ”We’ve literally only met twice!”

Louis laughs. ”And you don’t think it’s too early to judge him and say he’ll break your heart?”

Liam nods.

”Also, are you forgetting that he’s a _stripper_?” Harry adds, because this is important. ”It’s not preferable when I’ve got Hugo, is it?”

Louis rolls his eyes so hard they might get stuck. ”Oh please, get over yourself. What do you think he’s gonna do - put on a show for Hugo?”

Liam giggles.

”It’s nothing but a sad excuse and you know it,” Louis continues. ”I think you should give him a chance to get to know you, once he does he won’t be able to stay away.”

Harry rolls his eyes.

”Either way, you shouldn’t ghost him the way you’re doing now,” Louis adds and sounds almost harsh, at least a lot more authoritative than usual and it’s surprising enough that Harry bows his head a little in shame. He clears his throat and digs his phone out from his pocket. Liam’s face lights up almost comically.

Harry’s fingers hover over the screen for a moment before he types: **Hey, what’s up?**

He shows it to Louis and Liam; Liam looks a little disappointed but Louis nods.

”Simple but enough,” he says so Harry presses send before he can overthink it. Then he puts the phone - screen down - on the coffee table because he can’t stand to look at it. Both Louis and Liam stare at it like they’re trying to force Niall to reply. No one makes a sound, it’s like time’s stopped.

And then the phone vibrates.

Louis moves by the speed of lightning when his arm darts out to grab it before Harry has even registered the vibration. He quickly scans the screen and groans.

”Just an e-mail,” he says and tosses the phone back on the table.

”Oi, be careful,” Harry says and grabs a handful of crisps. ”Can’t afford to replace that if you break it.”

Louis just rolls his eyes. It’s silent for a moment before Liam opens his mouth.

”So, you lads wanna-” but he’s interrupted when the phone vibrates again and this time Louis is a little more cautious when he picks up the phone, presumably wary about another e-mail. But his eyes widen and he reaches out to grab Liam’s arm.

”It’s Niall!” He half shouts and Harry shushes him.

”Hugo’s sleeping, knob head.” He stretches out and snatches the phone from Louis’ hand. His heart beats furiously behind his ribs and he hates it. He puts in his PIN-code and holds his breath.

**Harry ! nice hearing from you ! Not much, watching golf, u ?**

”He’s watching golf,” Harry tells his friends, ”and it’s nice to hear from me.” He can feel himself blush slightly and puts a palm to his cheek to cool it down. Liam sighs happily.

”See? What’d I say, huh?”

Harry throws a crisp at him. Louis leans forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees.

”So, what’re you gonna reply?” He asks and it feels very much like they’re three girls in a romcom or something. It also feels very right.

Harry shrugs his shoulders. ”The truth?”

Liam groans and make grabby hands for the phone. Harry tightens his grip around it.

”Come on, I won’t send anything, promise,” Liam says and beckons with his hand. ”I’ll just type something out for you.”

Harry, very reluctantly, hands him the phone. Liam is, after all, much more used to the whole flirting thing. In uni, before Harry dropped out when Hugo came into the picture, and they would go out somewhere, the girls always flocked around him. And when Tinder became a thing? Let’s just say Liam upped his game tremendously.

Liam hands Harry the phone back after some typing and Louis leans in to read. Harry angles the phone so they both can see.

**Same, minus the golf. I was just wondering how your day’s been and if you’re free sometime soon?**

Louis sits silently for a moment before turning to Liam.

”Brilliant, Li, absolutely brilliant. Even sounds like Harry!” He turns to Harry. ”Send it.”

And Harry agrees with Louis - it’s good, better than something he would’ve come up with himself, so he presses send and releases a breath. The reply comes almost instantly.

”Someone’s eager,” Louis mumbles and Harry has to pull his lips in between his teeth to stop himself from smiling like an idiot.

**Yea I’ve got Friday evening off actually !**

Then another text comes in.

**oh and you just made my day a lot better, hows yours ?**

Harry can feel his pulse quicken in an instant and it’s fucking ridiculous, he shouldn’t have this reaction.

”I just made his day a lot better,” he mumbles and Liam immediately launches himself at Harry to get the phone and gasps when he sees that Harry indeed has made Niall’s day.

”He really wants your dick,” he says and then shows the message to Louis who nods. Harry just rolls his eyes, mostly because he doesn’t know what else to do, but maybe also to try to trick himself into thinking that yeah, it’s no big deal.

He gets the phone back from Liam and starts typing.

**My day’s been good, thanks. So do you want to meet up on Friday? We could go get a drink somewhere x**

”This is so exciting,” Liam grins and rocks a little in his seat. He looks proper happy and it spreads a warmth in Harry’s chest. He really has got the best friends. Even if they do stupid things sometimes (i.e sending a stripper to his flat), they always want his best and root for him.

**Yeah sure ! I work by clapham junction n get off at 6 so maybe we could meet there ?**

”God,” Harry mumbles to himself and drags a hand over his face because it’s getting a bit too real now. He’s actually going to do this? Didn’t he swear he would to nothing of the sort?

Louis wraps an arm around his shoulders.

”Mate,” he says in a voice that forces Harry to look at him. ”It’s no big deal. It’s just drinks. It doesn’t have to lead to anything, it could just be a night out with a fit lad, which you _need_.” Liam nods with a ”yeah” and Harry could just _cry_ because he’s got the _best friends_. He might actually be crying a little, he realises, when he feels a little tear run down his cheek. Louis sighs lovingly and wipes it away with his thumb before patting his cheek gently.

”Okay, answer him.”

**Sounds great, I’ll meet you there x**

”Add another kiss,” Louis says and Harry does so before pressing send. He gets a smiley face in return and has to wipe away another escaping tear.

”It’s decided,” he says and takes a deep, calming breath. ”So, who’s babysitting?”

Both Louis and Liam squirm a little and share a look. Harry rolls his eyes.

”Of-fucking-course.”


	4. CHAPTER FOUR

”So, Hugsie, will you be a good boy for auntie Gemma?” Harry asks and ruffles through his tee shirts. A pile of discarded clothes lies on the floor. He’s got Hugo on his bed, on the mission of helping him pick out some nice clothes. Hugo is a very honest judge.

Harry had explained that Gemma would be babysitting him tonight (she’s very excited that he’s going on a date and offered to come to their flat so they wouldn’t have to make the journey to hers) and that he would go out and meet Niall. Hugo had been very jealous and begged to come with, but Harry had convinced him that he would have a much nicer time with auntie Gemma. They went to Tesco earlier and Harry let Hugo have a bit more sweets than usual, just because he felt a little bad, but also so he could share with Gemma. This made the convincing easier.

”Yeah,” Hugo says and then points to a shirt hanging in the wardrobe. ”I like that one.”

It’s one of Harry’s Hawaiian shirts. Harry picks it off the clothes rack and looks at it. It’s one of the nicer ones, but maybe not right for tonight.

”Maybe something nicer,” he says and turns to Hugo. ”But good choice! Another time.”

Hugo beams at the compliment and Harry’s heart swells. Eventually they settle on a pair of black fitted trousers with a black tee shirt that hugs his chest in a very positive way (even though Hugo started lobbying for Harry’s old navy blue shirt with white hearts).

Gemma lets herself in with her key when Harry makes the last dinner preparations. He likes to make it easy on his babysitters by helping out as much as he can.

”Ouh, looking nice!” Gemma says when she comes into the kitchen. She sighs dreamily. ”God, your arse looks great in those.”

Harry wiggles his bum in a playful manner but is also very delighted. She comes up to him and hugs him around the shoulders while looking down at the cutting board where Harry’s prepared veggies for a stir fry.

”Harry, you seriously don’t have to do this every time. I’m fully capable of chopping carrots.”

”I know,” he says and wraps his arm around her waist, ”but it keeps me busy.” He leaves out the bit about it also stopping him from getting too nervous, but Gemma can read him like no one else. She kisses his temple.

”It’s gonna be great, just make sure you enjoy yourself,” she says and pats his bum before going off to find Hugo. Harry knows she’s found him when he hears the delighted squeal of ”Auntie Gemma!”. She emerges with Hugo clinging to her back just when Harry starts putting his brown boots on.

”No, go with the black ones,” she says and points to the shoes. ”Keep it all black.” Hugo peeks out from behind her shoulders and nods in the agreeing way only five year-olds know how to do despite not understanding half of a conversation.

”Thanks, Gem.” Harry kisses her cheek and then his son’s. ”Be good, okay? I’ll probably be back after bedtime.” Hugo pouts a little but nods and kisses Harry’s nose and Harry’s heart could just fucking burst.

Harry walks down to the bus stop and arrives just as the 344 pulls in. He sits down in the back of the bus and in the blink of an eye, feels extremely nervous. Is he really doing this? What if things get awkward? Harry manages to build up some good, proper anxiety just in time for the bus to pull up to the curb and to a stop. He gets off and looks around and it dawns on him that he and Niall never specified exactly where they would meet. But he doesn’t need to worry, because just when he’s about to get his phone out to text Niall, he sees him.

Niall looks amazing. He’s wearing dark blue jeans that hug his thighs in a way that has Harry breathless and a black jacket that stops just above his bum which makes it look like - well, Harry doesn’t even have the words for it. He looks absolutely breathtaking, waiting outside the big red brick building just next to Harry’s bus stop and looking down on his phone. Harry takes a big breath and tries not to trip over air as he walks over.

”Hi,” he says, startling Niall, who looks up with wide eyes before smiling big.

”Harry!” Niall pockets his phone and wraps his arms around him, one around his back and the other over his shoulder, a hand finding its way into Harry’s hair.

”Hoped you’d arrive at this stop, guess I was right,” he says into Harry’s shoulder and squeezes him a little.

”How’d you know?” Harry asks and Niall lets him go, stepping back a little to smile at him.

”The 344, goes by your flat, right?”

”Uh, yeah, it does,” Harry says, and before he can say anything else, Niall continues, ”very convenient, I just had to step outside and here I was, waiting.”

”Where do you work?” Harry asks and it’s not a question he’d rather ask, would rather not think about the fact that he’s about to go on a date with a stripper. Just the thought of it makes him want to crawl out of his skin. His hands are getting all sweaty.

”Here,” Niall says and points to the red brick building behind him. Harry looks up at the sign.

”I thought The Grand was a nightclub?”

”It is, but we put on a show here every Friday,” Niall says, looking at Harry a bit funny as if he can tell how uncomfortable Harry is, ”and it’s where we practice.”

”Did you, uh, was that what you were doing now?”

”Yeah,” Niall says, his voice low and looking at Harry like he can see right through him. A second passes, then he clears his throat and stuffs his hands in his pockets. ”So, where d’you wanna go?”

They go to one of the pubs on Northcote Road. They don’t have a Wetherspoons, which Harry would have preferred given the lower prices, but at least the one they go to isn’t too pricey. Niall holds the door open for Harry when they step inside and Harry’s heart skips a little and his palms get even more sweaty, but for a different reason this time.

Harry goes to the bar to get the first round of beers while Niall goes to get them a table. He gives the bartender his order and rubs his palms on his trousers in an attempt to get rid of the sweat. He’s really doing this, isn’t he? He’s fully aware that he has now had this revelation several times today, but he can’t help it. It is a Big Thing.

He grabs one beer in each hand and starts scouting the room for Niall. He sees him waving from a not so little secluded table by a window. Harry wonders if it was the only table available or if Niall chose it… for some reason. He carries the beers over and sets them down with a little smile.

Niall has taken off his jacket to reveal a dark blue button up short sleeved shirt with thin white stripes, opened to expose what Harry hopes is a white vest underneath. It makes Harry’s whole body ache with want.

”I like your shirt,” he says and sits down while shrugging his own jacket off. Niall smiles brightly.

”Thanks!” He says and looks down at it, ”had some trouble picking an outfit this morning, to be honest.” He doesn’t sound embarrassed and it makes Harry feel a little bit better about earlier.

”You look great,” he says and tries not to gush. Niall’s smile takes on a more gentle nature while he looks at Harry shuffling to sit comfortably on the chair.

”Tell me about your tattoos,” Niall says and points to Harry’s left arm.

So Harry tells Niall about all the stupid tats he got in uni, and the few he’s treated himself to since Hugo, about the stories behind them and the ones without. Niall especially likes the rose and also the fly, which surprises Harry a little.

”I’ve got a big butterfly on my tummy,” Harry offers, when Niall slowly traces the ink on his arm (which is so hot, by the way). Niall looks up in surprise.

”Really? Can I see?” He leans over the table a little, as if he’d be able to see it through Harry’s tee shirt. Harry swallows a little and wills down a blush before saying,

”Another time.”

And Niall looks so fucking delighted that Harry could just cry. He has no clue as to why Niall would want to see him again and it’s frightening that he does, but it’s also so nice to feel even a little bit wanted and Harry had forgotten what it felt like. And Harry knows then, that even though this thing with Niall likely won’t work out and he might get his heart broken - it’ll be alright. Because Niall is making Harry feel like his own person again for the first time in forever.

It feels like his heart could just burst with gratitude and it’s fucking ridiculous because it’s just drinks, with a stripper but Harry’s been so starved of this feeling that this could make him combust.

He takes a bug gulp of his beer to calm himself down.

Luckily, Niall dives into a story about his nephew and manages to distract Harry enough to calm his racing heart. He shares his favourite stories about Hugo in return.

”He seems like the sweetest kid,” Niall says with a smile. They’re on their second beer now and Niall’s painting patterns in the condensation on his glass.

”He is, he really is.” Harry’s heart swells just thinking about his son.

”Do you mind if I ask,” Niall starts, a little hesitantly, and Harry knows what he’s going to ask. Everyone does, sooner or later.

”His mum?” He fills in for Niall, who looks equally surprised and embarrassed.

”I don’t mind. She’s not around, has never been.” He takes a sip of his beer and sighs. ”I accidentally got her - Anna - pregnant when we were at uni and she decided she wanted to keep it. Even insisted on full custody.”

”Did you agree to that?”

”Yeah. Reluctantly, but yeah. I figured it’d be best for the child, we weren’t in a relationship. But then she held him in her arms for the first time and just - changed her mind.”

Niall’s eyes widen and Harry nods.

”I guess it became too real. So, she decided she didn’t want anything to do with either me or Hugo. And her parents decided to put him up for adoption.” Harry pulls his fingers through his hair, just thinking about it makes his heart ache. ”But I couldn’t let them do it. When I held him for the first time, he looked into my eyes and I just, I couldn’t let him go.”

The air grows thick. Niall clears his throat.

”And Anna?”

Harry shrugs his shoulders. ”I’ve no idea where she is. She gave up custody in court and made it very clear that he doesn’t exist to her. I sent her photos and stuff in the beginning, don’t know why, anymore. She never replied, anyway, so.”

”It must have been tough,” Niall says, his voice weak in a way that makes Harry want to wrap himself around him.

”Well, yeah.”

Niall chuckles.

”You’re doing a really good job, though. Best dad I’ve met.” He slowly places his hand over Harry’s on the table, like he’s afraid he’s not allowed. Harry swallows.

”Thank you.”

A silence falls over them and it’s a slightly uncomfortable one; Harry clears his throat a little and looks down at his glass. Niall doesn’t move his hand away, no, he keeps it resting over Harry’s and it’s a warm weight that slightly eases Harry’s discomfort. Niall squeezes once before pulling away.

”So, tell me more about your friends.”

——

Harry took the bus to meet with Niall, but the pub is only a half hour walk from his home. Niall suggests they make the walk (”I’m not trying to invite myself in, promise, just trying to drag this out a little” he says with a half shy smile that makes Harry’s heart flip) and so they put their jackets back on and make their way out to the street.

The silence between them now is comfortable, filled with occasional comments. Harry is very aware of their hands; he’s making an effort to keep a distance between them, not enough to make it weird, but enough for their hands to not accidentally touch. He’s not sure how he’d react to that.

But then they stop at a zebra crossing to let a few cars pass and Niall sneakily moves closer before Harry can react and suddenly his hand is engulfed in Niall’s.

His breath get stuck in his throat and he can feel himself physically stiffen. Niall chuckles and squeezes his hand.

”This okay?” Niall asks and squeezes again. Harry nods, feeling out of breath. Niall smiles. And so they continue, hand in hand.

Niall’s hand is warm. Very warm. Harry lets himself imagine - just for a second - what it would be like to have Niall as a boyfriend, to be able to walk like this every day, to wake up next to him. What it would be like to not have to face the world alone. It’s a beautiful fantasy that makes Harry’s insides warm - but that’s all it is; a fantasy.

It doesn’t take long for them to reach Harry’s street. They stop outside the building and Niall rearranges his grip on Harry’s hand. They’ve held hands the entire way now and they’re both a little sweaty and gross but somehow this doesn’t matter. Niall steps into Harry’s zone, crowding in close with their chests almost touching. Harry knows what’s about to happen and he’s not sure how he feels about it. But he hasn’t really got time to think about it before Niall’s pushed his lips against his own.

They’re warm. And soft. Very soft.

And they alight a fire in Harry’s chest, bright and powerful that almost takes his breath away. Or maybe it’s just the effect Niall has on him. He grabs Niall’s face with both hands, bringing him closer and Niall molds his body against Harry’s. They fit perfectly like this and Harry can taste the beer Niall had on his tongue and he hasn’t kissed anyone like this in years and this is Niall and his stubble scratches his chin and he feels so alive in Harry’s hands.

The kiss loses whatever innocence it started with when Niall pushes his body even closer and Harry can feel his half stiff prick against his own and it’s like - a burst of lightning across a night sky, and he instantly becomes very aware of the situation.

”Niall,” he tries to say against Niall’s lips and gets the most wonderful whine in return. His cock twitches and if that isn’t a sign that they should stop this instant, nothing is.

”Niall,” he whispers again and moves his focus to kiss Niall’s cheek instead, ”we’re in public.”

Niall sighs, because this is true. He nods but doesn’t step back, instead wraps his arms around Harry’s middle. It feels good, better than good. It feels glorious.

Harry tilts his head to the side and buries it in the crook of Niall’s neck, just because the moment allows it and Harry feels like he might die if he doesn’t. Niall smells good in a way that feels familiar and like home.

Harry read somewhere that if you’re attracted to someone’s smell, it’s because their immune system is different from yours, all so your offspring will have a stronger immune system and the best chance of survival. So what does it mean that Niall smells like home?

”This was good,” Niall says and tightens his grip on Harry. Harry nods, against his better judgement. Niall places a feathery light kiss on Harry’s neck. It feels like a whisper of things left unsaid and Harry’s tummy clenches.

They untangle themselves and Harry gets to look at Niall for what feels like the first time in forever. It feels like time has looped back and restarted. It feels like seeing him for the first time. He looks ethereal. Harry zooms in on the freckles under Niall’s eye and realises he has to kiss them right now, this moment, or he will go under. So he kisses them. He leans in again, slowly, and kisses the freckles. He hates himself for doing it. He will surely go to hell for this; for breaking the promise he made himself, for jeopardising Hugo’s happiness and his own heart.

He needs to leave before he does something even more reckless.

”I need to go,” he says. ”Don’t want to keep Gemma.”

”Yeah,” Niall says with a smile and he looks happy. He presses a short kiss to Harry’s lips and steps out of his zone. ”I guess you do.”

They stand facing each other for a moment and in the midst of the panic jumbling in Harry’s tummy, there appears a small speck of calmness when he looks at Niall. Harry is scared, so very scared.

Niall reaches out for his hand and caresses his fingers lightly. He doesn’t say anything, so Harry doesn’t say anything either. Then Niall lets go of his hand and takes a few steps back before turning around.

”Goodnight.” He waves over his shoulder and starts walking towards the bus station and Harry stands still. He looks after him until he rounds the corner and then he takes a deep breath and goes to unlock the door.

He takes the stairs because it feels right. When he reaches his door, he digs his phone out of his pocket to check the time. It’s nearly midnight, which is shocking, because the last time he checked it was just before he saw Niall and time really flies, huh?

It’s a little overwhelming, really - everything. A jumble of feelings wash over him in a wave so strong that it has every muscle in Harry’s body tensing up. And now Harry can’t seem to stop the sudden tears pooling in his eyes. He wipes helplessly at his eyes with his sleeve and prays that Gemma will have fallen asleep on the sofa. But he’s in no such luck. When he’s managed to unlock the door through bleary eyes and half stumbles into the flat he can hear the sound of the telly on low and the rustling of what is likely popcorn. Gemma must’ve rummaged through his cupboards.

He steps into the living room where Gemma sits snuggled up under a blanket. She turns to him with a hopeful face and gasps.

”My god, your lips!” She throws the blanket aside and walks over to him. She’s changed into his pyjama bottoms. ”You’ve had a proper snog, haven’t you!” She hits his arm playfully with a blinding smile.

Harry nods and then her eyes widen as she seems to notice the tears pooling in his eyes, and then there’s no stopping them from falling.

”Oh, Harry.” She wraps him into a tight hug. It feels like he shrinks in her arms, like he’s turning back into the ten year old who would often seek comfort in her embrace - and he basks in the illusion that his big sister will always take care of him and solve all his problems.

”It’s just a little too much,” he hiccups into her hair and she nods and lifts one of her hands into his hair, combing through it the way he likes. They stand like that for a while, quiet with the laughing track from Friends as background sound. Harry offers her his bed because it’s late, but she declines.

”I’ll just get an Uber, sweet cheeks.”

So he offers to pay, and she eventually lets him pay half of it. It’s very quiet after she’s left, there’s that ringing sound of stillness, like when you’ve played a song really loud and then it ends, and it’s like someone’s turning the volume up because the sound of it grows so loud that Harry’s chest tightens and writhes and cramps.

He quietly opens the door to Hugo’s room and makes his way over to the bed. Hugo’s sleeping, of course, clutching Olivia and snoring softly, his jaw slack. Relaxed and safe. It makes Harry tear up again, because this is his son and he loves him endlessly and for the first time he’s not prioritised Hugo’s happiness and he’s a shit dad.

The bed is tiny but Harry squeezes down behind Hugo in the small space that’s left and scoops him up into his arms. Hugo melts into his embrace in his sleep and he’s warm and soft and Hugo. Harry shoves his nose into his son’s hair and breathes in the smell of his tear free shampoo and that scent that is him and he can… relax.

——

”Daddy.”

A finger is poking him in the face; on his nose and dangerously close to his eyes. He cracks one open and comes to the conclusion that he’s still in Hugo’s bed, based the way his body aches.

”What’re you doing in my bed, daddy?”

Harry groans and rubs at his eyes. He’s gonna be stiff all day, he can tell. He unfolds his cramped up legs and lets them hang down over the edge of the bed.

”I missed you,” he says and Hugo smiles delightedly. He pushes his head against Harry’s shoulder, not all that different from what a cat would do, and Harry puts his hand over his son’s hair to keep him there, just for a second. Hugo doesn’t seem to mind; he wriggles a little into a more comfortable position and then settles half on top of Harry’s torso.

Harry’s still in his clothes from yesterday, and trousers, god. He really needs to get up and change. He tilts his head to get a look at Hugo’s Lion King alarm clock and sees that it is far too early to face the world. This is what he gets for sharing a bed with a five year-old.

”How about some brekkie, Hugs?” He rubs a hand over Hugo’s back. Hugo hums in agreement but doesn’t move a muscle. He is a very lazy boy, sometimes.

”We could do a cosy breakfast,” Harry offers, because he can feel the urge to keep Hugo close crawling closer. ”On the sofa, put on CBeebies and cuddle up under a blanket.”

This puts some fuel into the boy who sits up with a big smile. He jumps out of bed and starts pulling at Harry’s arm. Harry lets himself get dragged out of bed, only helping a little. He changes out of his day clothes and into pyjama bottoms and his old fake Gucci jumper he got on a lad’s holiday at the end of sixth form.

Hugo’s in the kitchen when he enters, getting various things from the fridge and placing them on the counter. From the looks of it, he’s deviated from the breakfast norm and just pulled out all the things he likes. Harry sees a container of leftover carbonara - one of Hugo’s favourite dishes.

”How about we don’t have pasta for breakfast,” Harry says and puts it back in the fridge.

”But-” Hugo starts, but Harry turns on the Stern Eye and Hugo instead pouts. He throws his arms around Harry’s thighs and peers up at him.

”Then I want scrambled eggs.” His chin juts out and into Harry’s tummy and it’s not super comfortable. Harry cups the back of his head and Hugo leans into the touch instead.

”What’s the missing word?”

”Please,” Hugo smiles brightly. Harry can’t help but smile back, because how could he not?

”Then they boy shall have scrambled eggs.”

They put the unnecessary food back in the fridge and Hugo drags a chair up to the counter so he can help crack the eggs. It goes alright; only two small pieces of the shells fall into the eggs and Hugo uses the leftover shell to get them out, just like Harry’s shown him. Hugo also puts the bread in the toaster when Harry asks. This is one of the most useful parts of having a kid, Harry would say. A free little helper. Or a slave, as Louis would put it.

They settle down on the sofa and drag the table close so Hugo won’t spill anything on the sofa. Hugo knows the rules about eating in front of the telly; it won’t happen if he’s not careful. So he sits half bent over his plate, eating carefully whilst keeping his eye on CBeebies.

”Did you have a good night with auntie Gemma?” Harry asks when they’ve finished and Hugo’s crawled up in his lap, resting his head on Harry’s chest.

”It was good.”

”Yeah? What’d you do?”

”Built Lego and watched Postman Pat. And I gave auntie Gemma so much of my sweets.”

Harry chuckles and kisses Hugo on the head. ”That’s very kind of you. Was she happy?”

Hugo nods. ”Did you have a good time with Niall?”

Harry is a little surprised; Gemma must’ve prompted him to ask, because he can’t remember the last time Hugo asked him about something that didn’t somehow involve himself.

”I did,” he says and squeezes Hugo a little closer.

”I wanna go out with Niall, too.” And there it is.

”We’ll have to ask him, then.”

——

Niall texts him that afternoon. Harry and Hugo are at the common with Liam near where Liam lives. They have this wicked maze (kid sized, so the adults don’t lose track of their little ones) that Hugo loves to play hide and seek in. Liam always indulges him and joins in.

The text is a simple **Hi x**

Harry is not surprised, he’s been expecting it. He’s had all day to mentally prepare for it, but he hasn’t got a clue what to say. ”Hi, you’re quite wonderful and fit and I thoroughly enjoy your company but you’re a stripper and I have a child and have to put his needs before my own and if your presence (or if you leave) hurts him in any way I will kill you and then myself. Sorry to lead you on.”

That just doesn’t feel on, does it?

So Harry replies with a **Hello x**

**Are you busy ?**

**No, we’re at the park with Liam, he’s got Hugo occupied.**

Harry snaps a photo of Liam and Hugo on the slide and sends it.

**oh, is that Liam ? Looks fun !**

The text has just come through when another one arrives.

**I really enjoyed last night :)**

Harry clutches the phone tight in his hand and takes a few deep breaths. In, out. In, out.

”Daddy! Look!”

Hugo and Liam have moved on to the swings. Hugo is soaring high, being pushed on by Liam. He’s shrieking with laughter. Harry waves.

”Watch out or you’re gonna get lost in the clouds!” He shouts back and Hugo shrieks louder.

**I enjoyed it, too.**

He realises this is very much leading Niall on, but it is true. He enjoyed it up to the very end with his conflicted little breakdown. Niall’s reply is almost instant.

**Im looking forward to next time , maybe u could come over to mine sometime**

Okay. Harry is not enough of a prick to end this - whatever it is - over text, no, it has to be done in person. Or at least over the phone, if anything. Harry really should meet up with him again, to make it right. If it’s at Niall’s flat, at least he can leave easily if it goes badly.

**Yeah, sure**

**Maybe sometime next week ?**

Niall seems very eager which is both a little terrifying and very flattering. Harry replies that sure, that’ll work as long as he can get a sitter for Hugo.

**He can always join if you can’t find anyone !**

This is very sweet, and exactly what Hugo would want. But bringing his son would surely make the whole ending of the relationship thing a lot more difficult, wouldn’t it. Harry’s fingers hover over the screen. He can hear Hugo shouting about something, but Liam’s got that covered.

**I’ll see if I can find someone x**

Harry pockets his phone and goes to join his son and Liam. He and Liam let Hugo lead the way through the maze and it takes forever but Hugo is having the time of his life so it’s all good. Also, as long as he stays glued to Hugo’s side, Liam can’t ask him questions about the date. Harry’s not too keen on telling him about his little breakdown. The only thing Liam’s been able to ask is if he had fun and Harry can see how much it frustrates him which is immensely amusing. He knows Liam well and Liam is probably dying for some gossip.

He ends up telling both Liam and Louis at the same time later that evening over FaceTime when Hugsie’s gone to sleep. They both look very sad when Harry tells them about his breakdown.

”Listen, I understand your reaction completely,” Louis says, ”but I don’t think you should end it just yet.”

Liam nods and chews on his toast.

”It’s scary opening yourself up again after a long time, but you gotta be brave,” Louis continues and it sounds wise but what the fuck does Louis know about this anyway?

”Yeah,” says Liam, ”give it an honest chance.”

Harry rolls his eyes at them and continues wiping down the table.

”I just-” he starts, but doesn’t really know how to finish. He looks out of the window. It’s dark outside. He swallows hard and looks back at his friends in his phone. And he just sighs.


	5. CHAPTER FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Harry has a panic attack in this chapter

It’s Tuesday. Hugo’s got a playdate with Kieran after school today, and Harry is just absolutely _dreading_ it. Kieran is a perfectly lovely boy, a bit loud perhaps, but lovely. Hugo on the other hand, will sometimes turn into a little _shit_ around his friend. Harry suspects it’s to act cool; Kieran acts a little older as he has a three year older brother who is ”so awesome” according to Hugo, who _loves_ to go on playdates at Kieran’s house. Which is very fine with Harry, and it’s where they usually have their playdates but today it’s Harry’s turn.

Harry is presently on his way to pick the boys up. No bikes today, because Kieran was dropped off by car. So Harry’s planning a playground visit on the way home to make life a little easier.

When it’s Harry’s turn to collect his offspring, he then has two boys hurrying as fast as they’re allowed to greet him at the door. Hugo throws his arms around Harry’s middle as always, and so does Kieran.

”I assume Kieran’s mum told you I’m taking him home with me today?” Harry asks The Beast, who nods without looking at him, and crosses the boys’ names off her list.

”Are you having a playdate today, boys?” She asks the children, who nod happily.

”Yeah! We’re gonna play with Hugo’s Lego!” Kieran half shouts, and Harry can already feel a headache coming. He ushers the boys along before The Beast has the opportunity to declare him unfit to care for two (2) boys, even just for an afternoon. Kieran’s coat has this infuriating zipper that keeps getting stuck, to which Kieran comments, ”That always happens”, without offering any assistance. Not that Harry would except a five year old to be able to fix it, but _honestly_. Also, why _the fuck_ haven’t his parents fixed it?

They stop at one of the smaller playgrounds on the way home and start by having a snack on the grass. It’s a bit cold today, so Harry instructs them to sit on their schoolbags after making sure neither of them have something fragile in there. Hugo and Kieran eagerly tell him about all the funny things that happened at school today. The thing is, five year olds don’t really have the same criteria for what counts as funny, per se. But Harry mastered the art of fake laughing a year ago when Hugo first started telling ”jokes”.

The sun makes a welcomed appearance as the boys make a move towards the slide, so Harry stuffs Hugo’s bag under his head and lays down on the grass. It’s only the end of March so the sun doesn’t warm an awful lot, but it feels nice to pretend it’s summer. He’ll take an occasional peek at what the boys are doing and they seem to be having the time of their lives.

He only realises he’s nodded off when he wakes to a child-sized finger up his nose. Hugo’s sitting by his head, grinning, with Kieran standing above them grinning even larger, if possible.

”Daddy, we want to go home and play with my Lego.”

Harry removes Hugo’s finger from his nostril and sits up. He checks his phone and _thank god_ , he was only asleep for barely half an hour. But that’s still half an hour when the boys could have been kidnapped or badly hurt, or gotten into a fight, or-

”Daddy, let’s go!”

The boys still have an impossible amount of energy when they reach the flat, so Harry has them play with the Lego in the sitting room where he can keep an eye on them as he prepares supper. The downside to this otherwise superb solution is that there is no door to keep out all the noise Kieran manages to make. Harry is, not for the first time, so thankful that Hugo turned out the way he did. That headache is definitely coming along nicely.

Harry sits them down at the table to eat, a simple chicken curry today, and Hugo immediately dives into telling him more about their day.

”Lucy fell off the swing,” he says seriously while scooping rice into his mouth, completely forgetting he told Harry the same story in the park.

”Yeah!” Kieran adds loudly. ”But she didn’t even cry!”

”That was very brave of her,” Harry says and makes an effort to keep his voice soft and low to make it easier on the pounding in his head.

”Yeah, even though she’s a girl,” Kieran says. Harry finds himself frozen with his fork halfway to his mouth. His heart is suddenly pounding harder.

”Girls can be brave too,” Hugo says.

”Yeah, but not like boys,” Kieran says nonchalantly and sweeps a piece of chicken through the curry sauce.

Harry’s not entirely sure how to tackle this, because Hugo has never voiced an opinion like this. He clears his throat to say something, but Hugo opens his mouth before Harry has the chance.

”That’s not true,” he says matter-of-factly. Thank god. Harry nods.

”Everyone can be brave,” he adds. Thankfully, Kieran doesn’t put up a fight, just shrugs and continues eating. Harry figures he probably shouldn’t make this a teaching moment and does the same. Inside, though, he’s bursting with pride.

The clock strikes 7 pm not long after they’ve finished eating, which is the time Kieran’s mum comes to pick him up. The flat turns quiet, finally. Harry bends down to scoop his son up in his arms after they’ve waved goodbye to Kieran from the window, and smacks a big kiss on his cheek.

”I’m so proud of you,” he says, and Hugo smiles brightly and throws his small arms around Harry’s neck.

”Why?”

”Because you’re the best,” Harry says. ”I think I might actually be doing something right with you.”

Hugo looks a little puzzled, but doesn’t question his dad. Harry loves him so, so much.

”I love you so, so much,” he tells him. His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he switches his hold on Hugo so he can grab it. He’s not willing to put him down just yet, not while he can still hold him. Hugo is getting awfully big, so Harry does not have much time left where he can do this.

It’s a text from Niall saying hi and asking how his day’s been.

”Can I see?” Asks Hugo and Harry shows him the text. Hugo slowly reads, sounding the letters. He looks very pleased with himself when he gets it right.

”Who’s it from?” He asks, and Harry realises that Niall’s name might be a bit hard to read.

”Niall.”

Hugo smiles brightly. ”Can we send him a photo, please? And say that our day was great because Kieran was here.”

Harry chuckles and hands Hugo the phone.

”You take the picture, then.”

Hugo stretches his arms out and snaps a photo. It’s mostly his arms in the picture and Harry’s face is partly out of frame but Hugo looks lovely, as always.

”Great!” Hugo exclaims and hands the phone back. ”Send that and don’t forget to tell him about Kieran!” He wiggles a little and Harry puts him down on the floor again.

”Go put on your pyjamas, please,” he prompts and Hugo pouts but wanders off to his room. Harry sits down on the sofa.

**Hi, Hugo says to tell you that his day’s been great because he had his friend Kieran over on a playdate. He encloses this photo x**

He sends the text with the photo, and then sends another text.

**As a result of the playdate I now have a headache but other than that my day’s been good too. How’s yours? x**

He’s barely sent the text before he gets a reply.

**Wonderfull photo !! Woud love to see the little man again soon ! tell him hi from me :)**

And then another one.

**my days been good thanks !! Hey do u wanna talk? On the phone I mean**

Harry is instantly very aware of his own heartbeat. He licks his lips. Should he? Talk to Niall? He thinks of Niall’s voice, the husky undertone and his accent that somehow feels like home even though Harry’s never been to Ireland. He rubs his palm on his jeans.

But he shouldn’t. He’s supposed to end this, not encourage it.

”Daddy! I can’t find my jammies!”

And yeah, he can’t keep forgetting about Hugo. Hugo comes first, always. He needs to put Hugo’s interests first, and that means ending this, whatever it is, with Niall. Harry keeps telling himself this, but nothing seems to be happening. He types out a reply, hoping that Niall will let it go.

**I have to put Hugo to bed**

But no.

**Ok ! Let me know when youre done x**

Harry sighs and goes to help Hugo. He finds his son in his bedroom, tearing his bedding apart. Harry just stops dead in his tracks and stares at the mess. His pillows are on the floor on the other end of the room, as well as his comforter. Hugo is in the middle of ripping his sheet from the mattress.

”What. Are you _doing_?” Harry asks and he can feel his headache growing. Hugo whips around.

”I told you! I can’t find my pyjamas!” He defends, as if that justifies the utter chaos he’s created.

Harry sighs and rubs over his eyebrow. He tries to keep his voice soft.

”I put them in the wash this morning, remember? We were gonna get you a fresh pair for tonight.”

Hugo is quiet for a moment and looks at the sheet in his hand.

”Oh.”

”Yeah. Oh.”

Hugo smiles sheepishly and Harry doesn’t have it in him to be cross. He crosses the distance between them and bends down to kiss his son’s head and grab the sheet from his hands.

”Get your pillows, and I’ll put the sheet back.”

Together, they reassemble the bed and Hugo picks what pyjamas he wants to wear tonight. He goes for the set with the blue and white stripes that Harry’s mum got him for Christmas. Harry helps him get his arms through the holes and then ushers him into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Later, when Harry’s squeezed himself into Hugo’s bed next to him to read him The Gruffalo, Hugo squirms around for a bit until his head lands on Harry’s chest. Harry buries his free hand in his curly hair. It’s quite fine, still, but it’ll probably grow thicker. Just like Harry’s did. He scratches lightly at Hugo’s scalp.

”That feels nice,” Hugo says and sighs. He falls asleep like that, with his head on Harry’s chest. Harry’s chest, which feels awfully tight.

He carefully removes himself from the bed, mindful not to jostle Hugo too much. He turns the light off and closes the door, and then he texts Niall.

**Done**

He’s barely made it to the kitchen to turn on the kettle before his phone rings. He stares at the name for a few rings with his breath hitching in his throat before he answers.

”Hi.”

”Hullo,” Niall says, and despite himself, Harry feels a smile form on his lips.

”How are you?” He asks, despite having asked him over text not even an hour ago.

”I’m alright, just watching golf,” Niall says easily and Harry can almost picture it; Niall in joggers, maybe with a cup of tea in his hand, all cozied up in a comfy jumper.

Harry pops the kettle on with his free hand, and then goes to get his headphones so he can use his arms freely without having to squeeze the phone to his ear with his shoulder.

”Who’s winning?”

”No one yet, it’s just started. How’s the headache?”

”Still present,” Harry sighs and gets a mug from the cupboard. He dumps a teabag in it and then turns around and rests his bum against the counter. ”Kieran is a lovely but very loud little lad.”

Niall chuckles.

”He’s got an older brother,” Harry continues, ”which I think plays a big part in the way he acts.”

Niall hums.

”Like today, he just offhandedly made a comment about how girls aren’t as brave as boys, which I assume he gets from his brother.”

”Probably, yeah. What’d you do?”

”It’s not really my place to parent him,” Harry sighs. The water’s come to a boil and he pours it into his mug. ”Hugo stepped up, though, and told him that girls can just as brave as boys. I was so proud of him.”

”Yeah?”

Harry can almost hear Niall smiling through the phone.

”See, I told you, you’re the best dad I’ve ever met,” Niall says.

”Yeah, not really. We were at the park earlier and I fell asleep on the grass for half an hour. While I was not only responsible for my own kid, but for someone else’s, as well.” His voice takes on a higher note at the end and Harry can feel something start bubbling inside.

He’d pushed the thought of it away for the evening, but just mentioning it makes all the muscles in his body tense up, causing an instant ache. His whole body fills with guilt and dread and fear of what could’ve happened and he swallows harshly. Takes a deep breath and tries to focus on a spot of dried up marmalade on the floor. Where did this wave of terrified panic come from? He was fine a minute ago, and suddenly everything’s flipped upside-down. His head is pounding loudly. He can hear his blood rushing in his ears. He tries to take a deep breath but his chest is too tight and the breath turns into a gasp for air. Tears are pooling in his eyes and he shuts them tightly. His hands are numb. He can’t feel his hands. Why can’t he feel his hands?

”Harry?”

Niall’s voice is careful and low but it still manages to startle Harry. He’d forgotten he was on the phone, for a second.

”Yeah,” he says, but it comes out all croaky, making it sound like he’s been crying for hours. He can hear Niall shuffling around.

”Harry, it’s not a big deal,” Niall says, and he sounds serious and almost closer, somehow.

Harry draws in a shaky breath.

”Yes, it is.”

And then he just, breaks down. His legs give in and he slides down onto the floor. A big, hideous sob is released from somewhere deep, deep down inside of him before he can stop it and then he can’t fight the tears anymore. He pushes a fist between his teeth in an attempt to quiet down the sobs as to not wake up Hugo, because Hugo shouldn’t see him like this. Shivers run down his spine, making his entire body shake and vibrate. He’s vaguely aware of Niall repeatedly calling his name, louder and louder, but the guilt inside of him demands his full attention.

_Anything_ could have happened. What if something had happened to Kieran? How could he possibly explain it to his parents? How could he possibly live with himself after it? And even worse, if something had happened to Hugo -

His spiraling thoughts are abruptly interrupted by his phone ringing through his headphones. He hiccups and fishes his phone out from his pocket. It’s Niall. Harry hadn’t even noticed he’d hung up.

”Hello?” His lips are already chapped, and his voice sounds pathetically weak. A ripple runs through his body and he shivers. He clenches his hands and tries to take a deep breath. His lungs are wheezing, aching for the oxygen that Harry struggles to provide.

”Oh, thank _god,_ ” Niall pants into his ears. ”Listen to me, Harry. I need you to listen, okay?”

Harry nods weakly, even though Niall can’t see him. He attempts at another deep breath. This one reaches his lungs but the exhale comes quickly and he feels more out of breath than before.

”You fell asleep in the park. Yes, something bad could’ve happened. But it didn’t. It _didn’t_. Both boys are _fine_. Nothing happened. And I don’t think you’ll ever fall asleep in the park again, after this. Will you?”

Harry shakes his head furiously. He wipes at his cheeks with his sleeve and draws in a shaky breath.

”Will you?” Niall presses because, again, he can’t see Harry.

”No, I - I won’t,” Harry hiccups. His lips feel like paper.

”I get that you’re feeling guilty, I would too. But you need to remember that nothing bad happened. You’re off the hook.”

He sounds so gentle and Harry wants to accept his words, but he can’t.

”But it - it’s n-not just this,” Harry manages to squeeze out. ”I’ve been f-fucking up s-so m-much la-lately.” God, he sounds so fucking _pathetic_.

”No, you haven’t.”

”Yes, I have!” Harry can feel a loathsome anger building inside of him, because what the fuck does Niall know? His anger allows him to breathe in deeply and then:

”I let a _s-stripper_ into our home when he was _in the n-next fucking room_!”

Then, after a short moment of silence, Niall sighs in his ears.

”Oh, Harry.”

Harry lets out a gross sob, but his crying has mostly ended, now. He feels weak, drained. His muscles have stopped tensing, but the muscles in his thighs are cramping up and it feels like he’s run a marathon.

”Should I come over?”

Harry turns his eye to the clock on the wall. It’s half eight.

”No,” he exhales shakily. ”I’ll be fine, plus, you’re all the way over in Brixton.”

”That’s not a problem,” Niall says, and it sounds like he means it.

”Thank you,” Harry says, ”but you really don’t need to. I’ll be fine, I don’t really know what happened.” He still hasn’t gotten up from the floor. He leans his head back against the kitchen drawers and looks up at the shelves on the other wall where he keeps his few cookbooks, some knick-knacks and photos of Hugo as a baby. One of the photos is especially dear to him. His mum took it when he first brought Hugo home after the court trials. He was so tiny, and sort of ugly, but so beautiful. In the photo, Harry’s sitting on his mum’s sofa with Hugo resting on his thighs. Harry’s not looking at the camera, but at his son. The photo has a stillness about it that Harry just can’t get enough of. He remembers so vividly what he felt at that moment; panic and fear, but mostly pure love and adoration for this tiny little person that he had made. Excitement, to see how he would turn out.

He’s a little embarrassed, now, that Niall has heard and been a part of his little breakdown. They’ve known each other for what, three weeks? But somehow it feels more comforting this way, too.

”Do you wanna stay on the phone? Or hang up?” Niall asks, and Harry kind of wishes he was here right now. Mainly so he wouldn’t be alone, but also because Niall smells so nice and has such kind eyes.

Harry makes the effort of standing up. His legs protest loudly and the action leaves him short of breath. His tea is still brewing, but it’ll be too strong now so he pours it down the drain and puts the kettle on again to make a fresh cup.

”You could tell me about your day,” he offers, and Niall immediately dives into a story about how one of the dancers had come into work with a broken foot. Soon, Harry finds himself on the sofa with a fresh brew. His face feels raw from the crying, and his eyes are dry and itchy, but Niall’s voice is soothing and most importantly, distracting. And Niall is so funny. Even now, he has Harry in stitches. They talk for what feels like hours and at the same time, only a few minutes. When Harry eventually looks at the time, it’s already past eleven.

”I should go to bed,” he says, somewhat reluctantly, but he’s getting tired and dealing with a five year old every day is exhausting.

”Yeah, me too,” says Niall softly. ”I hope you’ll be able to go to sleep, but you can text me if you don’t, okay?”

Niall is too good. He’s just too good.

”Yeah,” Harry says, but it comes out more as a whisper.

”Goodnight, Harry.”

Harry doesn’t have any trouble falling asleep, that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come see me at horansheroes.tumblr.com x


	6. CHAPTER SIX

Hugo is _annoying_. It seldom happens, but when it does, Harry always feels like he’s going insane.

It’s Thursday afternoon and they’ve just come home from school. Harry has just informed Hugo that Louis will be arriving shortly to babysit him for the evening, which he also told Hugo about yesterday _and_ this morning. But for some reason, Hugo acts as if this information is brand new. He absolutely does _not_ want uncle Louis to come here because daddy is not allowed to go anywhere, not without Hugo.

It might be because Hugo knows Harry is going to see Niall.

Yes. Tonight, Harry is going to Niall’s flat. Niall was texting him almost all day yesterday, constantly checking in on him to see how he was doing. It was a little annoying but also endearing. Niall also made him agree to come over tomorrow (which is now today). Harry isn’t sure how he is supposed to end _this_ between them now, after Niall’s altruistic actions. He would surely seem like a right twat, no question about it. He still feels like he should see him tonight, though, ’cause he’d also feel like a right twat if he didn’t. There’s no way for him to win this, it seems like.

So, anyway, Hugo is not up for this. He’d been whining all the way home, riding his bike right next to Harry so he could hear the whining, and started whining louder when they entered the flat.

”Daddyyyy,” comes a long, outdrawn whine from the sofa which Hugo has flung himself onto. Harry sighs from where he is by the front door, sorting out Hugo’s stuff which he refused to take care of.

”I don’t _want_ uncle Louis to come here!”

”You love uncle Louis,” Harry says tiredly, for the fifth time.

Hugo can’t fight that argument, because he adores his uncle Louis, so instead he pulls out the big guns and starts crying. He must’ve been quite upset already, because he seemingly doesn’t have to try very hard to force the tears out.

Harry sighs again and slams his head, perhaps a bit too hard, against the wall. He drops Hugo’s bag in his hands.

”Hugsie,” he whines himself as he makes his way over to the sofa. He picks the boy up and sits down with him sideways in his lap. Hugo’s face is already red and blotchy from crying. Harry rubs his hand over his back.

”Hugs-”

Hugo just lets out a long-drawn whine that has Harry close his eyes in an attempt to make this whole situation just _go away_.

That’s when the front door opens and Louis steps into their home.

”Where’s my favourite boy?” He calls cheerily into the flat, and then peeks his head around the doorframe into the sitting room. He instantly frowns.

”What’s all this, then?” He shrugs off his jacket and steps into the room.

”He doesn’t want me to go,” Harry sighs, ”and he doesn’t want you here.”

Louis sits down on the floor, just in front of Harry’s legs. He pokes Hugo in the side and rests his cheek on Harry’s knee.

”What am I hearing, Hugsie? Why don’t you want me here?” He coaxes gently and Hugo lets out yet another whine.

”I don’t want daddy to go!”

”Okay, listen,” Louis says and grabs Hugo’s hand between both of his. He pats it gently. ”You go on playdates all the time, don’t you? Now, it’s your daddy’s turn. You don’t think he’s whining like this every time you go to a friend’s house, do you? It’s not really fair that you’re doing it, is it?”

Hugo sits quiet, like he’s contemplating what Louis said.

”I still don’t want him to go,” he then says, stubbornly.

”Well,” says Louis, ”that’s not really up to you. Sometimes your daddy has to go without you wanting him to. But lucky for you, I’m here to save the day!” He swiftly picks Hugo up and throws him over his shoulder with Hugo’s arms dangling by his bum. Normally, Hugo’d be shrieking with laughter already, but not now. Harry does see the hint of a smile, though, so it might be working anyway.

”Right!” Louis says and jumps a little on the spot, shaking Hugo in the process. That hint of a smile is definitely turning into one. Louis motions for Harry to get going.

He doesn’t really have to leave just yet, but Harry stands up anyway while he’s got the chance, and Louis turns so Hugo can’t see him step into the hall. Harry quickly puts his shoes on and grabs his coat, and that’s when Hugo realises what’s going on.

”No!” He shouts from Louis’ back. ”Put me down! Put me down!”

Louis does as told, and Hugo quickly wraps his small arms around Harry’s legs. He looks up at Harry and pouts. It’s honestly heartbreaking, that’s what it is.

”Please-” Hugo starts, but is quickly interrupted by Louis, who swoops down and pulls him off of Harry.

”That’s enough, Hugs.” He sounds more stern now, and Hugo must sense it too, because he doesn’t resist Louis’ hold.

Harry gets down on one knee.

”I’m sorry I’m leaving,” he says and he means it. ”I’ll be back soon, okay? I promise you’ll have a great time with uncle Louis. I love you very much.”

”I love you, too,” Hugo murmurs, so Harry opens up his arms. Louis lets go, and Hugo stumbles into Harry’s chest. Harry kisses his temple.

”Be good, okay?” He whispers. Hugo doesn’t reply.

——

Harry rides his bike to Niall. It’s cheaper than the bus and should only take him 20 minutes. He bikes down to Clapham Common and then continues on to Brixton. Niall lives a bit from the city centre and Harry has to stop a few times to check Google Maps so it takes a bit longer than expected, but he makes it there under half an hour.

He locks up his bike to a lamppost in front of Niall’s house. It’s quite big, bigger than the one housing Harry and Hugo’s flat. Red bricks, though, just like theirs. The entrance looks much fancier, however.

Harry feels pretty calm. He should be nervous, especially considering how thoroughly he embarrassed himself over the phone the other day. But somehow, that’s what’s making him calm. He can’t possibly make the situation worse, could he?

Niall had texted him the code for the door, so he punches in the numbers. The flat is on the ground floor, so Harry finds the right door easily. He rings the doorbell.

The instant Niall opens the door, Harry is engulfed in his arms. It takes his breath away, slightly, and he’s a little surprised but at the same time, not at all. Niall squeezes him tightly and rubs one of his thumbs in a soothing pattern on his shoulder blade. He rests his chin on Harry’s shoulder and Harry actually feels like he can relax a bit, standing there in the doorway.

”Hi,” Niall says as he pulls away, but remains close. ”Been worried about you.”

”You shouldn’t have,” Harry says and feels short of breath.

”Well, I did anyway,” Niall says and shrugs his shoulders. He finally steps to the side and lets Harry enter the flat. ”Come inside.”

So Harry steps inside. Niall’s flat smells nice; like whatever food he’s cooking and very fresh, like newly washed sheets. He’s stepped right into the lounge, which is decently sized. Nialll’s furnished it well, with dark wood and some plants scattered around. It looks very unlike Harry’s flat. Harry can easily tell that this is a person who doesn’t live with a kid; there’s no sight of that special clutter that only comes with children.

Niall takes his coat and hangs it on a hook on the wall. ”Come, I’ll show you around.”

It’s a one bedroom flat with lots of light. The kitchen is compact but seems to be enough for one person, and Harry can imagine Niall cooking in there. He’s got a tub in the bathroom which makes Harry instantly jealous. He nods towards it. ”God, I’d love one of those.”

”You’re free to have a bath whenever,” Niall says lightly and using it for himself wasn’t exactly what Harry was referring to (a bathtub would be preferable instead of the shower, for Hugo) but the offer still makes him warm inside.

After the short house tour they settle on the sofa in Niall’s lounge. Well, Harry settles. Niall sits down and then immediately gets up to go get them something to drink. He returns with two glasses of iced tea and a promise that dinner will be ready soon.

Harry takes a sip of his drink. It’s peach, which he usually doesn’t drink, but he doesn’t say anything. He puts the glass down on the table. It’s quiet for a moment and he’s just about to start panic over it when Niall breaks the silence.

”Was it alright getting here?”

”Yeah, not too hard,” Harry says and lies a little in the process. ”Bit more difficult to leave home. Hugo threw a proper fit as I was about to go. Cried and everything.” Harry rubs his neck.

”Really?” Niall looks genuinely surprised.

”Yeah. I think it’s because I’m not usually away like this, you know? We’re almost always together. It feels-” Harry searches in his head for a good word, and sighs. ”I feel a bit shitty.”

Niall hums. ”I get that. I’m glad you came here, despite all of that.” He pokes Harry in the thigh.

It’s like - like, Niall is so fucking _honest_. All the time. Harry both appreciates it and hates it. Niall’s words feel warm and fuzzy, they make him long for summer and sunshine. They also awaken this dark and ugly monster inside of him, filling his body with guilt.

He doesn’t know how to respond, but takes a breath to answer anyway. He hopes the words will form on his tongue on their own. But Niall interrupts them before they even have the chance, with a hand on his thigh.

”I’m sorry. I can be a bit forward, I know. I don’t mean to put you on the spot, or anything. I’m just glad you’re giving me the chance to get to know you,” he smiles.

 _How_ is this a conversation Niall thinks they should be having now? This is a conversation that should be saved for the quiet hours of the early morning in the company of the rising sun.

Niall looks like that sun. His hand is warm over Harry’s jeans. And his _eyes_. His eyes emit a whole different kind of warmth. They offer a promise of trust and honesty and of something that Harry can’t quite put his finger on but that sends a shiver down to his toes. Niall looks calm, like the sun rising over the horizon; taking its time but still providing hope for a new day.

He also looks so _incredibly_ fit.

Harry’s body moves without him even approving of it. He cradles Niall’s face in his hands, just holds him for a moment, allows himself to hold the sun between his palms, before he kisses him. Niall’s hand is instantly on Harry’s waist, pulling him closer. This is fine with Harry.

They kiss. They kiss. They kiss.

The position is a little awkward, with Harry bending his upper body in a way he did not think possible. Niall, who sees through him like no one before him has ever done, must obviously sense this, because in a very swift and amazingly hot move he grabs Harry’s thigh, more or less forcing Harry to straddle him. This is fine with Harry.

They kiss. They kiss. They kiss.

The new position offers a delicious array of possibilities. Harry touches. He touches Niall’s neck, his shoulders, his arms, his chest. Niall has awoken something animalistic - beastly, almost, in Harry. He is not the same person who stepped inside this flat earlier. He won’t be the same when he leaves. This is fine with Harry.

They kiss. They kiss. They kiss.

Niall’s hands wander. Over Harry’s back, into his hair, brushing his fingers through his locks. Over his neck and chest, under his tee shirt. Skin on skin. His fingers feel like nothing Harry has felt before. Rough and calloused, yet soft and gentle. He never knew he needed a touch like this but now that he is allowed to feel it on his skin he cannot imagine how nothing will ever come close to being this magnificent. Eventually, Niall’s hands reach his bum. He gets a firm grip and squeezes and Harry could die. He could. He could die.

In an effort to not die he juts his groin against Niall’s. Niall is just as hard as Harry and the touch feels absolutely glorious. This is how people become religious, it must be. Nail’s stiff cock, trapped beneath layers of fabric, is positively angelic. Niall’s touch is a conflagration, making Harry feel mere seconds from exploding. Niall’s touch and the hard outline of his cock against Harry’s is the most divine thing to have ever happened.

Harry moans. Perhaps a bit too loud, but it’s fine. It’s fine, because Niall uses his hold on Harry’s bum to press him closer, and closer. Not even a piece of paper could fit between them now, but Harry is still not close enough. He pushes further into Niall, rubbing their cocks together through their clothing. It’s not enough, it’s not nearly enough.

Niall breaks the kiss and turns his head to pant and kiss at Harry’s neck.

”I’m gunna cum in my pants if you keep doing that,” he pants, but doesn’t release his hold on Harry’s arse.

”Do it,” Harry hears himself say and doesn’t recognise his own voice. Niall moans against his skin. Harry grabs his face so he can kiss him again, and grinds down harder on Niall’s cock. Niall moans again, this time into Harry’s mouth and it’s so hot, so fucking hot. Harry breathes in Niall’s air. Niall has seeped into Harry’s every cell. He has crawled inside his body and built a nest. Harry’s skin goes up in flames where Niall touches. They couldn’t possibly be any closer, but Niall still manages to push Harry closer and the friction between them is almost too much, almost unbearable but not nearly enough.

It’s not enough. It’s not enough. It’s not enough.

Harry cums first, with a groan into Niall’s open mouth. A wet warmth spreads inside his pants, but he barely has time to register the feeling before Niall joins him. His grip on Harry’s bum tightens before going slack.

Niall lets his head fall to the back of the sofa. Harry straightens his back and sits up properly. He considers getting off of Niall’s lap, but Niall’s captivating eyes stop him. He looks up at Harry through hooded eyes that speak volumes of something that Harry has never seen before. He looks soft and satisfied and so, so beautiful. Niall is possibly the most beautiful person Harry has ever laid eyes on. He feels himself flush under Niall’s soft gaze. No one has ever looked at him like this, like he is a most prized possession.

Niall kneads Harry’s bum lightly. ”I swear, this isn’t what I had in mind when I invited you over,” he says and then adds with a soft smile that stretches his freshly kissed lips, ”but I’m not unhappy about how this turned out.”

”I didn’t plan this, either,” Harry agrees and returns Niall’s smile. Niall squeezes Harry’s bum once more and Harry can’t help but grind softly into Niall’s wonderful hands. Those wonderful hands, that Niall now lets wander up again under Harry’s tee shirt, fingertips just grazing the skin in a way so tender that Harry didn’t believe it possible. Niall keeps looking at him, keeping him capture in his warm gaze. Harry knows he should be embarrassed about the way he just couldn’t _contain himself_ but with the way Niall is looking at him there is no room for shame.

”Fuck, you’re so pretty.” Niall breathes the words out. Nobody has every called Harry pretty before. Fit and hot, but never pretty. His cheeks grow hot under Niall’s gaze. It brings a soft smile to Niall’s lips, and he repeats himself, ”I can’t believe how pretty you are.”

The wonderful hands come to rest on Harry’s thighs, close enough to his groin to be intimate but not close enough to be sexual. Harry breaks their eye contact to look down at those hands. They look lovely, especially where they are placed. Niall rubs back and forth slowly with his thumbs and despite the motion being light and on his jeans, Harry feels it as hotly as if it was directly on his skin.

”D’you wanna borrow some pants?”

”Yes, please.” Harry slides to the side so he falls down onto the sofa. Niall chuckles at him and stands up, but leans down and kisses him. It’s soft, and tender, and deeply more intimate than the kiss-turned-humping they just shared. It feels like a gift, presented to him. It does not go on for as long as Harry would’ve wished, but when Niall breaks it, he gingerly cards his fingers through Harry’s hair. His tender care is slowly tilting Harry’s world, changing the laws of physics. Niall looks into Harry’s eyes and it’s like he cracks Harry wide open. His insides are all there, available for Niall to see and touch and scrutinise. Harry’s heart beats with grand power in his ribcage. He is absolutely mesmerised.

It’s quiet.

——

Harry washes his groin in the bathroom and changes into the pants Niall has lent him. They’re a bit tight around his bum, which is incredibly hot, because they’re _Niall’s_.

He throws his own soiled pants in Niall’s laundry basket, like he was instructed to, and feels his heart start hammering in his chest. A little nugget of guilt stings in the pit of his stomach. He tries not to think about it, tries not to think about how he left Hugo in distress, to go meet Niall and do something he absolutely was _not_ supposed to do.

He swears, he tries not to think about it. He would much rather stay in his post-orgasm bliss. It’s been years since he shared an experience like this with someone, and he wants to savor it. He can feel the phantom pressure of Niall’s hands, wandering over his chest and hugging his arse. Can still feel his eyes on him, making him feel like a prised possession.

But when he looks at himself in the mirror, he sees the skin around his mouth and down on his throat - red, from the scratches of Niall’s stubble. Sees his kiss-swollen lips, deep pink and plump. Can almost see the traces Niall painted with his fingers. Can almost see the hot breath Niall panted on his skin.

Can almost see the lump forming in his throat.

There’s a knock on the door.

”Harry?”

Niall sounds concerned. Harry has probably been in here for longer than it normally takes to clean yourself up.

Harry clears his throat, tries to swallow the lump down (without success) and opens the door. There stands Niall, looking concerned just like Harry suspected. He searches Harry’s eye, and frowns. A beautifully delicious little crease forms between his eyebrows.

”No,” he shakes his head, ”you’re not allowed to feel guilty about this.”

Harry opens his mouth to respond, but Niall shakes his head again.

”You enjoyed it. You’re allowed to enjoy things.” He pauses, and then shrugs his left shoulder a little, like it’s no big deal. ”You’re allowed to enjoy _me_.”

Harry’s throat goes dry, but not from guilt. He swallows.

And Niall winks. ”Come on, the food’s ready.”

They eat in front of the telly, which Harry appreciates. He doesn’t feel like he’s capable of holding much eye contact with Niall right now. They watch an old rerun of _Would I Lie to You_ and eat the chicken and rice Niall had prepared. Harry is starving.

Niall occasionally cackles at the jokes and he looks so relaxed. Harry is jealous. He’s not really paying attention to what is happening on the screen, too busy by the jumble of thoughts in his mind.

He wants to trust Niall’s words. Wants to be able to enjoy this guilt-free. He tries to think about Niall’s lips and Niall’s eyes and Niall’s hands. But the image of Hugo’s teary face, begging him to not go, keeps pushing itself to the front of his mind.

Also, _how the fuck_ is he supposed to be able to end this now?

They finish off their food and the episode ends. Niall takes their empty plates back into the kitchen and Harry hears him stuff them into a dishwasher.

Harry wishes he had a dishwasher.

Niall comes back into the room, wiping his hands on his jeans.

”Do you have a time you need to be back?”

Lovely, lovely Niall. He’s offering Harry an easy way out. He could very well say that _yes, he needs to be back early because Louis can’t babysit all evening_.

But he doesn’t.

No, he just shakes his head. Niall must surely be practicing witchcraft on him.

Niall smiles brightly.

”Just, just not too late,” Harry says, as if Niall wouldn’t understand that.

”Yeah, of course,” Niall says, because he too knows the days of the week and knows that tomorrow is both a school day and a working day.

Niall has a record player. Harry first took notice of it when he arrived. He’s jealous; he had one in uni, but it was old and broke and he can’t prioritise spending his money on a new one. Maybe some day.

Niall gets down on the floor and starts flicking through his vinyls that sit in a crate. He selects one and holds it out to Harry. ”This okay?”

It’s _Rumours_.

Harry immediately joins him on the floor.

”You a Fleetwood fan, too?” He asks excitedly.

Niall laughs. ”I’ll take that as a yes, then.” He slides the record out of the envelope and puts it on the turntable.

Harry watches, almost spellbound, how Niall carefully places the needle to the record and then uses a carbon fibre brush to gently remove some dust. Niall’s hands are so careful. Those beautiful hands, not so long ago, caressed Harry’s skin. His nails are bitten down, not trimmed like Harry’s, but Harry likes that. It adds another layer to what and who Niall is.

They spend the rest of the evening there on the floor, Harry going through Niall’s records. They talk about the music they like and the music they don’t like. About gigs that were amazing and gigs that weren’t. Harry comes to the conclusion that if their respective tastes in music was a Venn diagram, it would almost be a round circle. He finds himself just staring at Niall when he describes this one time he saw The Vaccines a couple years ago, ”Just around the corner, actually, at the Brixton Academy”, simply staring at the way his mouth forms the words, how he gesticulates and how his eyes shine with good memories.

Niall makes it _too easy_ to like him. It’s too easy and Harry has to fight so hard.

——

Harry leaves later than he should have, but sooner than he wants to. They say their goodbyes at Niall’s door.

Niall grabs him by the waist and kisses him. Deep. It’s their fourth kiss in total, but it feels like both the first and the thousandth at the same time. New and old. Absolutely vibrant.

With one hand on Harry’s waist and one in his hair, Niall turns Harry into a compliant pile of mush. Niall kisses like no one Harry has ever kissed before. He kisses with his entire body, like he’s devouring Harry, like he’s been waiting his whole life to kiss him. Harry, when kissed by Niall, would probably agree to anything. Anything. 

Eventually, Niall lets go of him, with a last, hard but not too hard, short kiss. He strokes the hair away from Harry’s forehead.

”Maybe you could come over to ours on Saturday,” Harry hears himself offer, because Niall is looking at him like he has found the secrets of the universe. ”We could hang, the three of us.”

And so it is decided.


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN

”It’s Friday today,” says Hugo when Harry drops him off at school.

”It is,” Harry agrees.

Hugo turns to The Beast, who’s standing next to them in the entrance to the classroom. She looks only mildly amused.

”Today is Friday,” Hugo tells her, to which she nods.

Hugo turns his attention back to Harry.

”I love Fridays.”

Harry has no idea where this sudden obsession with Fridays has come from, and he’s not sure what to think of it.

”Yeah,” he says, ”me too.”

Hugo doesn’t reply, but looks up at Harry with what looks like anticipation. He doesn’t seem very interested in joining his mates in the classroom. Harry doesn’t understand what’s going on.

”Come on, Hugo,” The Beast says after a moment of silence. She too looks a bit confused. Hugo turns to look at her, and then back to Harry. A trace of distress is visible on his face, now. This is all a bit concerning.

”What’s up?” Harry asks, and squats down to Hugo’s eye level. He pokes Hugo in the tummy when he doesn’t answer. Hugo squirms a bit, but doesn’t say anything.

”Hugsie?” Harry tries again. Hugo’s silence has planted a small seed of worry in his belly. Hugo just looks down at his shoes. They’re scuffed. Harry has tried to polish them, plenty of times, but Hugo always manages to scuff them again. He mumbles something that Harry doesn’t catch. Harry pokes him in the tummy again.

”I don’t want you to go,” Hugo mumbles louder. Harry feels his heart drop.

Other parents are waiting to drop their kids off, and they’re blocking the line. Harry rises to a stand again and leads Hugo to the side. He sits down on one of the benches by the hooks where they hang their coats. Hugo stands in front of him, still looking down at his shoes. Harry grabs his head to kiss his hair.

”It’s Friday,” Hugo says again and sounds so awfully sad, it feels like a dagger in Harry’s heart.

”Yes, I know.”

Silence.

Harry sighs. ”Look at me, please.”

Hugo looks up and his eyes are wet.

Harry’s body reacts on pure instinct alone. He grabs and squishes Hugo tightly against his chest. Hugo grabs a lock of Harry’s hair tight in his fist, and a sudden memory of Hugo as a baby, reaching for his, then, long hair with his tiny hands, appear in Harry’s mind. He clutches Hugo tighter.

”Is this about yesterday?” He asks and his voice feels tight. They didn’t talk about it this morning; Hugo was fine when he woke up and didn’t mention it, so Harry just thought he’d moved on.

Hugo doesn’t reply, but his little sob is enough of an answer.

”I won’t go anywhere tonight, I promise.” Harry has to force the words out past an almost agonising lump in his throat. ”We’ll have a normal Friday, just you and me.”

It’s comical, almost, how Hugo more or less sags against Harry. He obviously hit the nail on the head. Harry rubs circles on his back, big and slow, just the way he likes.

”We’ll stop and get snacks on the way home,” Harry continues and he doesn’t know if it’s for Hugo’s sake or his own. ”We’ll watch a movie, just like we always do. Okay?”

Hugo nods against his chest.

”I wanna watch Cars.”

Harry snorts. ”Not a chance, Hugs. It’s my turn to choose the movie.” He pokes Hugo in the side, and Hugo squeals. He lifts himself off of Harry, and he looks relieved, happy. Harry wipes his cheeks with his thumbs, and then leans in to kiss both of them.

”You ready to head into class?”

The door to the classroom is closed, meaning they’ve already started. Harry opens the door carefully and peeks his head inside to make sure he isn’t disturbing The Beast. It’d be a shame to give her an actual, proper reason to hate him. Luckily, she’s helping one of the kids with something, so Harry opens the door wider and ushers Hugo through.

But Hugo grabs his hand and tugs.

So Harry shuffles inside and closes the door quietly behind them. He’s got every child’s eyes on him; it’s almost comical how not one of them has the tact to at least pretend not to stare.

Hugo leads him to his desk. Harry spots Kieran and is instantly hit with a wave of guilt, but Hugo tugs on his hand again and draws him out of it. Hugo sits down on his chair and Harry squats down next to his desk. He places Hugo’s book bag on it.

”Everything alright, Hugo?” The Beast suddenly asks next to them, and Hugo nods at her. Harry looks up at her from where he is squatting on the floor and feels ridiculous.

”Yeah, we’re okay, now,” he half whispers, and can’t resist but reach out and caress Hugo’s cheek a little.

”That’s good,” The Beast says. ”Now, Hugo, could you please say goodbye to your dad and take out your writing book?”

Hugo looks a little bummed, but Harry doesn’t think Hugo actually thought he would stay. He squeezes Hugo’s small hand and leans in to kiss his hair.

”I’ll see you later, okay? I love you very much.”

Hugo nods against his mouth and Harry presses one more kiss into his hair before he stands up. He nods a little awkwardly to The Beast and makes his way back to the door, zig zagging between the low desks and small children staring at him with big eyes.

”Daddy!”

He turns around at Hugo’s voice, and Hugo darts from his chair and wraps his arms around Harry’s legs. Harry knows he shouldn’t encourage it, judging by the look on The Beast’s face, but he can’t help but smile.

”That’s enough, Hugs,” he says, despite himself. He never wants Hugo to stop running to hug him. Wants his child to want him close, forever. ”I need to go to work.”

”Come on, Hugo,” The Beast urges from his desk, and Hugo lets go. Harry bends down to kiss his cheek, because he absolutely cannot stop himself.

”Be good.”

——

Harry arrives late to work, but Tom accepts it when he explains that Hugo was clingy. Tom has children just a bit older than Hugo, so he understands. He’s aware that Harry is doing the whole parenting business on his own, and has always been understanding when Harry has to leave early to pick up Hugo who’s gotten ill, or come to the rescue in some other way. Harry is very fortunate.

They day goes by slowly. Harry spends his hours fantasising about yesterday. About Niall’s hands, his lips and the gorgeous sounds he made. About his eyes and they way he looked at Harry. About his voice and how beautiful the words sounded when he spoke about music.

Harry also spends his hours feeling so _incredibly_ guilty. Yesterday when he came home, Hugo was asleep. Louis was tired and left without asking for too much information, but not before commenting on how late it was with a smirk. Niall texted him to see if he had made it home safely, which was so sweet. They texted for a bit, and Harry was so distracted by it that he only opened Hugo’s door slightly to see that he was asleep, without going into his room to stroke his hair like he usually does. He feels like shit. Horny shit. And honestly, he’s getting really tired of it. He’s getting tired of this knot of guilt at the bottom of his stomach, of the lump blocking the air in his throat, of the tightness in his chest.

Louis didn’t make enough supper yesterday for Harry to have leftovers for lunch, so he has to go to Sainsbury’s to get a meal deal. He gets a sandwich and chooses the plain salted Hula Hoops as a side instead of the salt and vinegar ones that he likes, because he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. He looks down at the red little bag after he’s payed and hates himself.

They day passes uneventfully, just like most days, but he’s in a proper sour mood by the time he’s about to leave. Doesn’t even say goodbye to the always cheery Sheila when he leaves, just gives her a short nod to which she frowns. He’ll have to apologise on Monday, which makes him even more cross with himself.

He gets to Thomas’ and gets in line with the other parents waiting for their child. And he’s getting a bit anxious. What if Hugo has been upset all day? All because of Harry? All because of how Harry is a shit dad? When it’s his turn to collect his offspring and pokes his head through the door, Hugo looks _so relieved_. With his bag in one hand, he defies The Beast’s scolding and sprints across the room to Harry. Even jumps into his arms, instead of just hugging his legs. Harry was unprepared for the jump and nearly drops him, but this was just what he needed. He squeezes Hugo tightly.

”How’s today been?” He asks The Beast, who looks at them with an unreadable expression.

”Fine,” she says. ”But he’s been asking for the time quite a bit, wanting to know when he can go home.”

”Is that so?” Harry asks, more to Hugo than The Beast.

Hugo nods against Harry’s shoulder. ”I missed you.”

”Not as much as I’ve missed you” Harry says and hugs his son tighter while realising just how true the words are.

They say their goodbyes to The Beast and go get Hugo’s stuff. Hugo, who usually likes to ride ahead on his bike as far as allowed, takes it unusually slow and rides next to Harry almost all the way to Tesco’s. Even waits for him when Harry locks their bikes before heading into the shop. Grabs his hand and holds it tightly as they make their way through the isles. It all makes Harry feel like complete shit. His bubbly boy has turned into this, this - timid little thing. He even appears shy when Harry prompts him to choose what sweet he’d like for tonight, wrapping his arms around Harry’s left leg and shoving his head into Harry’s hip. It’s like he’s _trying_ to riddle his father with guilt.

They eventually make the joint decision of getting a Cadbury milk chocolate, and make their way to the register. Liam is working, as per usual. He looks a little surprised to see Hugo clutching Harry’s hand, instead of excitedly running over to him.

”Hey, Hugsie,” Liam greets Hugo when they reach the conveyer belt, and reaches over it for a high five. Hugo slaps it, and looks a little more energetic than before. Liam scans their chocolate and the cereal they picked up.

”Louis told me about last night.”

Harry just sighs and nods.

”So, he’s not over it, yet?” Liam asks, lowering his voice. But Hugo has walked over to collect their food.

”I thought he was, but it appears not.” Harry taps his card to the contactless reader. ”I’ll have to bribe him with chicken nuggets, or something.” He turns to Hugo.

”Hugs! What do you say about chicken nuggets for dinner?”

Hugo smiles and nods while shoving the cereal box under his arm. The reaction would normally take the form of jumping up and down, but Harry’ll take what he gets.

”It’ll pass,” Liam says, and pats Harry’s forearm.

——

They have chicken nuggets for dinner, just like agreed. With chips and ketchup, because Harry is a pushover. He normally doesn’t like giving Hugo ketchup because of all the salt and sugar (Louis thinks he’s depriving Hugo of all the good things in life), but he gave in today.

In the soft light of the lit, flickering candle on the table, Harry ponders if they should talk some more about how Hugo’s feeling. They probably should, but Harry doesn’t really know what to say. He can’t promise that he won’t ever leave, because that’s inevitable. Hugo looks content, dipping his nuggets and chips in the ketchup. They’ve forgone cutlery, much to his delight.

Harry pokes his shin with his toes, and Hugo looks up from his food at him.

”Are you still sad?” Harry asks, for lack of a better phrasing. Hugo chews and swallows before answering.

”No,” he says and kicks with his legs.

”You seem like it.” Harry picks up a nugget and knocks it lightly against his plate.

Hugo seems to be having some trouble putting his feelings into words, but Harry guesses that is what to be expected of a five year old.

”I didn’t want you to leave.”

”Why not?”

”I don’t like it.”

Well, that much was obvious.

”I have to leave, sometimes. We can’t be together all the time.”

Hugo looks a little bummed, but doesn’t question it.

”Would you like it,” Harry asks tentatively, ”if Niall came here tomorrow?” He can’t help but feel that this is A Moment. A checkpoint, sort of. His chest feels strangely tight and he feels slightly out of breath.

Hugo lights up. ”I can show him my Lego! And we can show him the pirate ship!”

It’s a good reaction. It’s what Harry was hoping for. It feels good. But, not _as_ good as Harry was anticipating.

They watch a movie after dinner, like always. Hugo doesn’t complain when Harry chooses Moana, but he doesn’t let Harry have any of his chocolate. Harry feels relieved; if Hugo had shared he would have been proper worried. Chocolate is his favourite treat. But it seems like their talk solved things. Hugo snuggles up close as the movie rolls, but that’s not unusual. Harry can’t resist but drag him onto his lap, though, and ends up holding him almost like a baby. Hugo doesn’t seem to mind; he snuggles closer and that is how he ends up falling asleep.

So Harry helps him change into his pyjamas and brush his teeth. But when the time comes for him to put him to bed, Harry doesn’t want to. He looks at Hugo’s bed and he doesn’t want to leave him there. He doesn’t want to let go of him just yet, not after today. Not after having held him in his arms. Not after Hugo _needing him_.

”Do you wanna sleep in my bed with me tonight?” He asks as they stand in the doorway to Hugo’s room. Hugo nods happily, suddenly a bit more awake and hurries to fetch Olivia from his bed.

Harry isn’t that tired yet, but definitely more tired than usual on a Friday. Going to bed at this hour shouldn’t be much of a problem. He gets ready quickly in the bathroom while Hugo busies himself with deciding which pillow he wants to sleep on. Then he strips down to his pants and tee shirt and crawls down under the covers. He’s just about to turn off the light when he changes his mind and faces Hugo instead.

”I love you so, so much. You’re the very best thing to have ever happened to me. I’m so happy that I got you.” Harry is not one to hold back on telling Hugo that he’s loved, but he still feels like he doesn’t do it enough. He also doesn’t feel like any word in any language can describe how much he loves his son.

”I love you too, daddy.” He looks so cute, hugging Olivia to his chest. And he looks at ease.

Harry finally turns off the light and then reaches for Hugo in the dark. He brings him up to his chest and spoons him. Hugo sighs and Harry kisses the back of his head. A little thought pops up in his head - does Niall like spooning? And if so, does he like to be the big spoon? Harry hasn’t been spooned in a very long time. It would be awfully nice to be spooned by Niall.

As wonderful as the thought is, Harry pushes it away. He lets himself get lost in the present, listening to Hugo’s breaths that are getting heavier and heavier, feels himself getting sleepy.

Harry sends a thought to Anna, wherever she may be, and a thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> available always at horansheroes.tumblr.com babes xx


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT

Harry wakes up _before Hugo_ , which is a first, but that’s what he gets for going to bed at eight. Hugo looks adorable with a drizzle of drool pooling from his open mouth onto Harry’s pillow. Harry strokes his cheek with the back of his fingers before he gets up. He’s wide awake, mind a jumble with anticipation and tummy a knot of nervousness. He switches out his tee shirt from yesterday to a fresh one, but be can’t find his joggers and he doesn’t want to disturb Hugo, so he leaves it at that and leaves the bedroom.

The kitchen is still, as would be expected on a Saturday morning. He’s got coffee brewing, bread in the toaster and eggs sizzling in a pan when his phone buzzes on the counter. It’s a text from Niall, asking when it’s alright for him to come over. Harry pours some coffee into his mug and texts back,

**Whenever x**

Niall’s reply is an instant: **:)**

The doorbell rings. Harry’s heart jumps a little at the sudden noise and his eyes dart to the clock on the wall. It’s not even eight. His mind scrambles, trying to figure out who it could be. The only expected guest today is Niall, but it couldn’t be Niall. It’s too early.

It _is_ Niall, of course. He smiles brightly at Harry when Harry opens the door. It’s infectious and Harry can’t fight the smile growing on his lips.

”Hi,” he says, but doesn’t move to let Niall inside. He stands frozen on the spot, captivated by the smiling crowfeet by Niall’s eyes and the stretch of his lips around his smile.

”Hi,” Niall says back and his voice is so soft. ”Is it inappropriate for me to come over this early?”

Harry shrugs, because it probably is but he doesn’t find it in him to mind.

”Alright, then.” Niall steps into his zone, cups his cheeks and kisses him. Harry hasn’t brushed his teeth yet, but this thought instantly disappears from his mind when Niall nudges his tongue past Harry’s lips. Harry opens his mouth willingly.

Niall moves his hands. They wander down Harry’s throat and shoulders; one going around his chest and up between his shoulder blades to press him closer and it reminds Harry of how Niall did it the other day and a shiver runs down his spine. Niall’s other hand moves slowly over his waist just to stop at the swell of Harry’s arse. It’s teasing, that’s what it is. Especially when Harry’s only in his pants, which he had completely forgotten. The thought is exhilarating.

Harry can feel himself growing needier by the second. Niall’s touch has flicked a switch, ignited a tormenting desire for everything he has to offer. He can feel his pulse in his abdomen and in his cock that’s begun to swell. He presses himself closer, allowing Niall to feel his hunger and the enormous effect he has on Harry. Niall gasps into his mouth and the sound makes Harry’s knees weak.

”Harry,” his name is breathed into his mouth; soft and low, hot and sultry. Niall nips at his bottom lip, biting gently into it and pulling and Harry exhales shakily when their lips part. His whole mind is filled with Niall, all five sense bombarded with his everything. Niall’s smell; he smells so much and indescribably of _man._ Niall’s sounds; his gentle voice and harsh breathing. Niall’s taste; his warm mouth, the hint of toothpaste. Niall’s touch; his strong hands on Harry and his soft skin. And when he opens his eyes and look into Niall’s - his face; soft, blue eyes with his pupils blown, the freckles that hide beneath, his strong nose and tender smile.

Niall swipes a lock of hair from Harry’s forehead and then dives in for an additional, quick kiss. Then he looks a bit sheepish.

”Sorry I came this early without telling you,” he starts, and a gorgeous blush spreads over his cheeks, ”I just, ah, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. And I just wanted to see you.”

Harry’s heart beats fiercely in his chest. So hard, it feels like it’s going to burst through his ribcage. Niall is so honest, too honest, and it is intoxicating and terrifying all at once.

”It’s alright,” he says and wets his lips, ”I’ve been thinking about you, too.” Just admitting it feels colossal, and judging by the bright smile on Niall’s face, he thinks so, too.

Harry invites Niall inside. ”Have you had breakfast?”

Niall nods. He hangs up his coat and then looks around. ”Where’s Hugo?”

”He’s not actually up yet.”

Niall looks proper ashamed at that, a fresh blush spreading not only over his cheeks, but down his neck as well. ”Ah, shit.” He bites the side of his thumb. ”I’m sorry, I really should’ve come over later.” His eye moves quickly around the room.

”Don’t be daft,” Harry says and leads him into the kitchen. He gestures for him to sit down at the table and takes a look at the eggs he had forgotten he was frying. Luckily, they haven’t burnt, but there definitely won’t be a runny yolk for him to enjoy. ”Hugo’ll be mighty chuffed when he sees you here. He’s been looking forward to it.”

”Yeah?”

Harry looks over his shoulder to see Niall smiling pleasantly.

”Of course.” He turns off the cooker and grabs his toasted bread which has gone cold. He puts the bread on a plate and then carefully places the egg on top. It looks a little dry and miserable, but it’ll have to do. He’s just about to ask Niall if he’d like anything when he hears the sound of small feet coming through to the kitchen.

Hugo looks surprised to see Niall sitting at the table, which is to be expected. Come to think of it; both times - now - Niall has been in their home, his presence has come as a surprise to Hugo. Thankfully, this time Niall is fully clothed.

”Niall is here already,” Harry says to Hugo, who turns to look at him with big eyes. Then back to Niall.

”Hey, little man.” Niall turns in his chair so he’s facing Hugo fully, and opens up his arms. Is Harry seeing a speck of uncertainty in Niall’s eyes, a little wobbling in his arms - or is he only imagining it? Either way, Niall’s arms are soon filled with Hugo, who willingly steps into them. Niall squeezes for a short moment, and then hoists Hugo up on the empty chair next to his own. Hugo smiles brightly and then turns to Harry. He eyes the plate of toast and egg in Harry’s hand.

”Is that for me?”

Harry looks down at the overcooked egg. ”Yes.” He puts the plate down and fetches a knife and fork to help him cut it up.

”I’ll do it.” Niall all but snatches the cutlery from his hands and goes to work on Hugo’s breakfast. Harry finds himself stuck on the spot, watching Niall cutting the food into bite sized pieces.

”What do you fancy doing today, then?” Niall asks Hugo, in a voice that’s private, meant for Hugo’s ears only. Harry feels like an intruder in his own kitchen.

”I wanna go play on the pirate ship,” Hugo answers in a much louder voice, too excited about the prospect of Niall playing with him.

”Oh, what’s the pirate ship?”

Harry finally finds himself able to go to the fridge to get more eggs to make his own brekkie. He steps away from the table and wraps his hand around the handle to the fridge, but gets drawn back in at the sight before him. Niall looks stunning, in a short sleeved dark blue shirt with white and brown lines going in different directions, a small gold pendant hanging in the open collar. His hair is fluffy, but soft. He looks _kind_. An interest exists in his eyes that doesn’t seem faked, as he listens to Hugo going on about the pirate ship. He picks up a piece of toast that Hugo drops onto the table, and puts it back on the plate while nodding. He looks comfortable. Hugo does, too. He talks with animated gestures, pausing occasionally to take a bite of his food and chewing before continuing.

They look good together. Natural. Images pop up in Harry’s mind. Images of Niall and Hugo sitting just like this, except Niall is only in his pyjamas as well, because they’ve both just woken up. And then, images of Niall existing with them in all their mundane, everyday tasks. Images of Niall brushing Hugo’s teeth. Images of Niall cuddled up with them on the sofa on a Friday evening. Images of Niall getting into bed next to Harry. Images of the two of them dropping Hugo off at school - _together_.

Harry feels faint, suddenly, and tightens his grip around the handle to the fridge. He breathes in harshly through his nostrils and the exhales though his mouth, tries to calm his frantic heart.

Niall looks up at him, his brows creasing. He tilts his head slightly, a silent question. _You okay?_ Harry nods, and wipes his free hand on his thigh in an attempt to dry off the sweat. But all this does is draw Niall’s attention to his bare legs. Harry sees his gaze fall on the tiger tattooed on his thigh, sees it travel down to his calves and then back up, landing on what unmistakably is Harry’s crotch. Harry can feel his eyes there, burning, making his cock twitch. Niall’s eyes instantly widen and meet Harry’s. He’s seen, of course, seen what his eyes alone do to Harry.

Harry feels his face grow hot under Niall’s heavy gaze, and quickly opens the fridge to hide behind. He sticks his face closer than necessary, trying to cool down, and takes a deep breath. Hugo is still talking, unaware that no one is listening and unaware of the heated, nonverbal interaction that just took place.

”Niall,” Harry says, the name sounding almost disallowed on his tongue, ”would you like something? Eggs? Coffee?” He dares a peek from behind the door, seeing Niall looking all smug and gorgeous.

”Just coffee, thanks.”

Harry gets the eggs and the butter and draws another deep breath before daring to close the door. Thankfully, he’s got his back turned to Niall as he busies himself with preparing his breakfast. He doesn’t feel able to meet his eye right now.

Niall and Hugo keep chatting while Harry cracks his eggs into the pan. He pours a cup of coffee for Niall and goes to set it down on the table, trying not to look at him. But Niall’s fingers wrap around his before he’s managed to let go of the cup, taking it from his hand and letting his fingers linger in the process.

And like, it’s so fucking cliché, and taken straight out of a Danielle Steel novel. But the butterflies coming alive in Harry’s tummy are real, and the softness Niall shows when their eyes meet is real. Danielle Steel sure knows what she’s talking about.

But Harry is very aware of his son’s eyes. He must wonder, surely, about his father’s odd behaviour. So Harry turns back to his breakfast, sliding the egg onto the plate before the yolk cooks through. He sits down in front of Hugo at the table with his food and coffee, and tries to relax. He looks at his son and smiles.

”So - the pirate ship, then?”

——

After breakfast, Harry quickly gets himself and Hugo ready to go out. Niall offers to do the dishes, but Harry convinces him not to. It would feel a bit much like taking advantage, he reckons.

Hugo is bursting at the seams with energy on the way to the playground, skipping ahead and constantly urging Niall and Harry on to _walk faster!_ Niall starts walking slow on purpose, taking comically small and unhurried steps, all with a blinding smile. It makes Hugo frustrated but also ticklish with laughter, grabbing Niall’s hands to pull him along. To this, Niall - of course - stops completely and sags against Hugo. It takes them a while to reach the pirate ship. Harry’s heart feels too big the entire way there.

Once at the playground, Hugo convinces both Harry and Niall for a quick turn on the slides before diving into the great adventure that is the pirate ship. It’s a sunny Saturday and still quite early so there’s not too many kids there, yet. This pleases Hugo to a great extent as it means that they’ll have the ship almost to themselves. He declares himself captain with Harry and Niall as his shipmates - _pirate_ shipmates - and starts ordering them around. They’re going into battle.

Niall dives into the game with immense enthusiasm and seems to actually, genuinely, be enjoying it. He puts on a piratey voice and plays pretend with such a natural effect that it makes Harry somewhat jealous but at the same time pleased for Hugo’s sake. He himself does the best he can, of course, but playing pretend like this hasn’t come naturally to him since he was a kid.

After quite some time of running and jumping around, shouting and sword fighting, both Niall and Harry get tired and have to sit down.

”Noooo,” Hugo whines. ”We’re not done playing yet.”

”We have to take a break, Hugsie,” Harry says, short of breath. ”We’re old.”

Niall laughs, while panting slightly (which makes the most wonderful sound) from where he’s lying on the grass next to Harry. Hugo pouts.

”You can go find someone to play with,” Harry offers. A lot more kids are around now, so that won’t be a problem. He spots a couple of boys in the sandbox who’ve brought some impressive looking tractors and lorries, and points at them. Hugo looks over and his eyes widen.

”Okay!” He hurries off without even saying goodbye, but that’s okay. Harry watches him run over and say hello, instantly making friends with the boys who let him in and play. He’s a very social boy, Hugo, and often makes Harry proud of how easily he goes along with people. A little jealous, too, maybe.

A hand, Niall’s hand, sneaks up from behind, in under the hem of his jumper. Niall traces his fingers softly over the low of Harry’s back. There’s something very intimate about the gesture, stirring something deep inside of Harry’s belly. He puts his hand on Niall’s stretched out leg beside him, feels the sharp and pointy bones where his knee is. He rubs his thumb in gentle circles over the jeans.

”Don’t know if you noticed the first time we met, but I’ve got a wicked scar there.”

Harry pauses his movement and looks over his shoulder at Niall. He looks at ease, and stops tracing patterns with his fingertips on Harry’s skin in favour of placing his entire hand there, moving it a little farther up. He lets his hand wander along Harry’s spine, slowly, up and down. All while keeping a steady eye contact. It’s a little intense, to be honest, more intense than it should be allowed to be. Harry can’t help but lean into his touch a little. Niall smiles, and looks so, so gorgeous.

”I didn’t,” Harry says. ”What’d you do?”

”M’knee was fucked up, so I had surgery. The other knee’s gammy, too, but hopefully I won’t have to go through that again. Rehab was brutal.”

Harry looks down at his hand on Niall’s knee. ”Are you better now?”

”Yeah. Not good, but better.”

So Harry resumes rubbing circles with his thumb, and Niall continues stroking his hand over expanse of Harry’s back. Harry imagines they look like a couple. Do they look comfortable and relaxed?

Happy?

Does Niall think about it, too? Does he imagine himself in Harry’s bed, sharing kisses in the morning? Does he imagine himself picking up Hugo from school? Does he imagine himself sharing his days with them? He doesn’t dare looking back at Niall, afraid of what he might see in his eyes. Instead, he focuses on Hugo. He’s laughing and seems to be playing nicely.

Niall removes his hand from Harry’s back and sits up and scoots closer so their shoulders touch. He puts his hand over Harry’s on his knee and squeezes once before reaching over Harry’s lap over to his left thigh. He places his hand over Harry’s covered tattoo.

”I didn’t get the chance to tell you earlier,” Niall leans in close to tell him in a quiet voice, ”but this tattoo?” He grips Harry’s thigh as if you punctuate his words. He doesn’t finish telling Harry what he thinks of the tattoo, but his hand slowly moving further up his thigh is telling enough. Harry quickly stops it with his own before it can travel too close to his groin, though. They are in public, at a playground filled with kids. An important thing to not forget. A bit difficult, as Niall has a way of making Harry forget everything.

Niall lets himself be stopped, and moves his hand to rest on Harry’s knee, copying Harry’s hand on his own leg.

”Crackin’ pair of legs, too,” he says casually, causing Harry’s cheeks to burn red. He can feel Niall smile next to him, and he squeezes Harry’s knee once before rubbing his entire palm over it. He’s got such beautiful hands. Manly, and yet elegant.

”Plays well with other kids, your lad,” Niall says and points over to where Hugo is by the sandbox.

”Yeah,” Harry agrees. ”Didn’t want him to ever feel lonely since he hasn’t got a sibling to play with, so I’ve taken him to lots of places to meet others, during the years.”

”You’re so good at this.” Niall moves his hand from Harry’s knee to the inside of his thigh but keeps it there and still the words he speak feel more intimate than that. ”You try really hard, don’t you?”

”Yeah,” Harry breathes out and keeps looking straight ahead. ”I just want what’s best for him.”

Niall hums and squeezes Harry’s thigh once. They sit quiet for a while in a comfortable silence. Harry wonders what Niall thinks about. Does he think about Harry, like Harry thinks about him? Niall is a warm and sturdy presence next to him. Does he have the same impact on Niall?

After some time, Niall invites him into a discussion about Bob Dylan’s new album. Harry’s only heard it a few times, but Niall seems very passionate about it. They sit there, just talking. Just being together. Of course, Harry makes sure to keep an eye on Hugo, and he notices how Niall throws a glance there occasionally. It warms Harry’s insides even more than the hand on his thigh.

Eventually, though, Hugo grows tired of the fun, and comes over to them. He’s carrying a long stick and uses it like a cane.

”Cool stick,” Niall says, and Harry has to stifle a laugh because the stick is the saddest excuse for one he’s ever seen. All wonky and thin, but Hugo beams.

”Yeah! This is my new lightsaber,” he says with the very misplaced confidence that he’ll be allowed to take it home. He turns to Harry. ”Can we go home now?”

”Yeah,” Harry nods and he and Niall get up. His bum aches a little from sitting on the ground for so long, and he stretches out his back. Niall checks his phone.

”Are we hungry?” He looks at Harry, then at Hugo.

Hugo thinks very hard for a moment.

”I’m a little hungry,” he decides, and grabs Harry’s hand.

”Harry?” Niall asks, sounding hopeful and _god_ , his name sounds wonderful coming from his lips.

”Yeah, I could eat.”

”Great! You boys want to join me for lunch somewhere? My treat,” he adds when Harry’s face probably shows the slight panic of an unplanned expense.

”Alright, thanks.” Harry smiles, even though he doesn’t like the thought of Niall paying for both him and Hugo. It doesn’t feel right, and he’ll have to make it up to him soon.

They leave the playground and venture further into the park. Hugo makes a great show of using his new lightsaber; fighting baddies and hitting at various things such as the ground, a random small rock or just the air. Harry puts an end to it, though, when Hugo goes to town on a rubbish bin.

”Oi, Hugs, that’s vandalism. We don’t vandalise park property.”

”What’s vandalism?”

”It’s destruction, destroying things that don’t belong to you,” Niall explains, but Hugo has already moved on from the subject. Niall rolls his eyes, but smiles fondly at him. Harry thinks that this is too good to be true. Surely the world doesn’t work like this. There’s no way that he would be allowed all that he wants.

They reach the Pear Tree Cafe, and Harry puts Hugo on the job of getting them a table while he and Niall go and order. Harry gets a sourdough toast for himself and one for Hugo and tries to pay, because it’s the cheapest thing on the menu and he can afford it, he can, but Niall stops him just as he pulls his wallet from his pocket.

”I said my treat, didn’t I?”

”Yes, but-”

”So let me.” Niall’s voice is gentle, but firm in a way that tells Harry not to even bother. A small lump begins to form in Harry’s throat and he scratches at his Adam’s apple, breathes in through his nose.

”Hey,” Niall takes his hand away from his throat and places a delicate kiss on his knuckles. He searches for Harry’s eye, and smiles. ”I’ll go get some napkins, you can go join Hugo.”

Harry does so, and takes a seat opposite his son. Hugo has found a table by the windows (”Look daddy! I got the best table!”) and he takes Hugo’s hand on the table, wraps it up in his own and looks out at the budding trees. Tries to ease the uncomfortable, nameless feelings stirring inside, without having a clue as to what caused them.

Niall joins them, placing napkins, cutlery and three glasses of water at the table.

Hugo pats the chair next to his, ”Sit here, Niall!”

”Okay,” Niall smiles brightly and sits down while removing his coat. He hands out the water glasses and strikes up a conversation with Hugo about the birds sitting on the tree branches outside. Harry tries to engage, but finds himself unable to. He feels as if he’s looking at the scene before him through a window, a mere spectator. The only thing grounding him as _there_ is Hugo’s small hand still in his.

Here is Niall. Beautiful, beautiful Niall, looking absolutely angelic while connecting and bonding with Harry’s son. Harry’s son and Harry’s… whatever he is. Harry’s son and Harry’s Niall. Hugo very clearly enjoys Niall’s company, looking up at him with something close to awe. Harry has to look away because Hugo has never looked at anyone like that, other than Harry. He doesn’t even look at Louis and Liam like that. Not even Gemma or his granny. The small hand in his feels too light, too fragile and not enough. It’s not enough.

And it’s pulled away from the safety of Harry’s grasp. Harry turns, startled, to Hugo. Sees him with his food in front of him, both hands grasping his toast and with a puzzled look on his face at Harry’s reaction. Something nudges at Harry’s arm, and he looks down to see Niall pushing Harry’s own plate towards him. He takes it and looks up at Niall. He feels strangely empty.

But Niall looks at him like he sees exactly what’s turning inside Harry’s mind, like he can extinguish every detail of Harry’s thoughts that feel like muddy water. He smiles and puts his hand briefly on Harry’s wrist before turning to his own food.

”Daddy,” Hugo says and it is the most beautiful word in the world. Harry could cry, he could. ”Did you know what Kieran told me?”

”No, what’d he say?” Harry asks and picks up his toast. His fingers shake, and he hopes they won’t notice.

”He said that if you flush spiders down the toilet, they will live there and grow bigger and bigger until the toilet is too small and then they will crawl into your bum.” Hugo takes a big bite of his toast and looks expectantly at Harry, and then at Niall. Niall looks about as gobsmacked as Harry feels.

”Did Kieran’s brother tell him that?”

Hugo shrugs. ”Dunno, but he knows a lot of things.”

Niall stifles a laugh by taking a bite of his toast and Harry feels the muddy water in his brain clearing up. It’s so nice to be able to share these moments of ridiculousness with someone.

After lunch, Niall tells them that he must be leaving to go to work. Hugo whines, because he hasn’t shown Niall his Lego yet, but Niall promises that he’ll look at it another time. This pleases Hugo, who throws his arms around Niall’s waist in a hug. Niall seems surprised even though he shouldn’t; he has the boy wrapped tightly around his finger. He looks up at Harry who smiles, and Niall ruffles Hugo’s hair.

Niall says to Hugo before they part, ”Why don’t you go and look for another good stick?” and points to a couple of trees nearby. Hugo nods eagerly and runs off. With a pleased smile, Niall turns to Harry and grabs his waist with both hands, effectively making Harry step closer.

”He’s not a dog you can just make go away whenever you want,” Harry says without malice.

”Convenient though, isn’t it?” Niall remarks cheekily, and winks at Harry. One of his hands leave Harry’s waist to travel higher up until it comes to a stop between his shoulder blades. Niall takes a small step closer, bringing their hips together. ”Means I can touch you like this,” Niall continues, and his voice drops in volume.

Harry places his arms around Niall’s shoulders and leans in, rests his forehead against Niall’s. It feels intimate in a way that is too much for a public park and Niall must feel the same if the way the grip on his waist tightens is any indication. Niall tilts his head just so, just enough for his lips to brush against Harry’s. Harry chases them, captures them with his own.

They kiss.

And for a little while, Harry feels that all is well in the world.


	9. CHAPTER NINE

Working in customer service has really opened Harry’s eyes to how unfathomably stupid people are. Today alone, Harry has spoken to a woman who demanded to know all possible side-effects of one of their drugs, but refused to tell Harry which drug she was talking about, because he _should know that already_. He’s also far along in an e-mail conversation with a person who thinks that they are a different company, despite Harry pointing it out in every e-mail he has answered to. Today, he’s given that up and is doing research on the company the customer _believes_ they’re talking to, in hopes that they will be satisfied with the answer and leave Harry _the fuck alone._

It’s not even lunch yet.

Plus, Sheila has been extra co-dependent and Harry just doesn’t have the strength for it today. He’s in the middle of helping her undo some mess in the system she’s caused (he doesn’t understand how she’s done it, it doesn’t seem possible for a simple customer service employee to be able to fuck up the company’s _entire fucking website_ , but that’s where they are today) and trying to not rip his hair out when Tom enters, takes a look at the scene and tells Harry to ”take fifteen”.

So Harry does what he has been wanting to do since last night when he and Niall were on the phone for an hour after Hugo had gone to bed, and calls Niall.

”Hullo, Harry,” Niall answers with a smile that is audible through the phone. Harry sighs and sags against the sofa in the break room.

”Niall, did you know that people are idiots?”

”Yes, but tell me anyway,” Niall laughs. And Harry does, and it feels so good.

”I miss you,” Niall says softly when Harry finishes his rant.

”It’s only Monday, you saw me two days ago.”

”So? You’re the one that called me, don’t say you don’t miss me, too.” Niall’s tone is teasing, but the tone is bumpy - like something is hidden underneath, something Niall doesn’t want Harry to see.

”Yeah, I do.” Harry blushes and looks down at his fingers fiddling with the seam of his bluejeans.

”Can I come over sometime this week?”

”Yeah, Hugo would probably like that. Gonna show you his Lego.”

There’s a short silence.

”But would _you_ like it?”

”I think I would, yeah.”

”Don’t be cheeky,” Niall breathes into the phone and laughs.

Harry hangs up a few minutes later when his spontaneous break ends, with a feeling of things left unsaid.

——

Hugo’s homework today is very difficult. Harry is actually baffled that his five-year-old is expected to master spelling these words, but that’s apparently the case. They sit at the kitchen table with Hugo’s homework music on low, Harry alternating between helping him and preparing dinner. He’d like for Hugo to get finished with his work as soon as possible, because they’ve got Liam and Louis coming over for dinner and he thinks Hugo will be too distracted then to finish.

”Daddy! Look at my ’M’!”

Harry leaves the cooker to go compliment Hugo’s very mediocrely written ’M’, because it is his duty as a father. ”Wow, Hugs! All that effort is really paying off, huh?” He bends down to kiss his head, and Hugo beams. ”If you finish all your words you can show uncle Liam and Louis how good your spelling is getting.”

Hugo pouts and sighs, but readies himself to spell out his next word.

Thanks to their superb team work, they manage to finish Hugo’s spellings and prepare dinner before the doorbell rings. Hugo runs off to open the door. Harry follows but doesn’t run - as a principle, he does not run for his idiot friends.

”Who is it?” Hugo shouts at the door.

There is a short silence and then the muffled sound of Liam’s, ”Who does he _think_ it is?”

”Idiot, it’s probably something Harry’s taught him.”

Harry rolls his eyes.

”It’s uncle Liam and Louis, Hugs!”

Hugo squeals and unlocks the door. He somehow manages to throw himself at both their guests at the same time. There’s a flutter of legs and arms and coats, but eventually Liam and Louis achieve the difficult task of getting free of one excited five-year-old.

”Thank you for having us for dinner, Hugsie,” Liam says while manhandling him into the kitchen.

”Yeah, thanks, Hugs! What a nice treat on a Monday,” Louis adds and winks at Harry.

”You’re welcome!” Hugo giggles through Liam's tickling fingers in his armpit.

Harry puts the veggie lasagna and the salad on the table. Hugo eyes the salad suspiciously as he sits down on his chair, but then he sees Liam and Louis helping themselves to the salad, and asks Liam if he can have some on his plate as well.

Dinner starts with the most important part: Hugo telling them about his day. They played a really fun game during PE that he can’t explain, and they learnt something about rabbits, but he can’t recall that fact either, and he painted a really cool picture that he forgot to bring home. It is, all in all, an extremely fruitful retelling.

They have chocolate mousse for pudding that Louis brought, and Hugo’s eyes light up in an almost comical way when he sees it. He practically inhales it, and Louis observes it with a look that is part proud and part disgusted.

”Look at this,” he says to Harry and points at Hugo scraping the last of the mousse out of the cup. ”He acts as if he’s never had a treat in his life. You need to spoil him more.”

Harry rolls his eyes. ”We’re not having this conversation again. Talk to me about it again when you have a kid.”

”You’d like to have pudding more often, wouldn’t you?” Louis turns to Hugo. Hugo snaps his head at Harry with surprised happiness.

”Can I?”

Louis gives Harry a devious grin. Harry kicks his shin under the table.

Harry and Louis wash up after dinner while Liam reads a book to Hugo. He is, for some reason, Hugo’s favorite story teller. Harry has no idea why, he doesn’t even do the voices properly.

”So, what’s the current situation with Niall? Are things going well?”

Harry hands Louis another plate to dry. ”We went out with Hugs to the park this weekend and he took us to lunch.”

Louis whistles. ”Are we sensing some sugar daddy tendencies, here?”

Harry pauses cleaning a fork. ” _No_ , but I’ll start worrying about that, now.”

”I’m joking, idiot.” Louis flicks him on the forehead. ”Stop being so fucking paranoid.”

Harry sighs. He rubs the bristles of the dish brush against the fork. Runs the fork through the clean water and hands it to Louis. Grabs a glass.

”So he and Hugo go well together, then?”

Harry nods. ”Yeah, Hugo’s besotted and Niall seems to actually like him, too.”

”That’s good!”

”Not if it ends badly.” Harry pauses to lean his forehead against the cupboard in front of him. ”Hugs will be so sad.”

”Enough of this,” Louis sighs. ”You sound like a scratched up record. Things are going well, aren’t they? Stop assuming they won’t be.” He cups Harry’s neck and squeezes warmly once. ”Try to just enjoy what life gives you.”

Harry rolls his eyes.

”Also, it’s getting a _tad_ ,” Louis gestures with his fingers, ”annoying.”

——

Liam and Louis has gone home and Hugo has gone to bed. Hugo, being the charming (manipulative) little boy he is, conned Liam into reading him his bedtime story. The lads stayed for a cuppa and Louis told them the story of how his coworker Lizzie had come into work still wearing her pyjamas. They didn’t talk any more about Niall and it felt comfortable and nice.

Harry feels content. He’s thankful for his friends and for Hugo to be surrounded by people that love him. He’s thankful that he’s got friends that come for dinner on a regular Monday. Harry does not feel simply content, he feels warm and full of love. Also, surprisingly horny. It shouldn't come as a surprise, not really, with all the pent up sexual energy that has been steaming under his skin since Niall’s visit on Saturday. Now, the steaming has come to a bubbling boil and Harry is in need of a wank. So after talking to his mum on the phone for a bit, he brushes his teeth and washes his face. Gets undressed down to his pants and climbs into bed. Takes out his tissues from his bedside drawer.

Exhales.

Harry likes to go slow. He likes to tease himself, drag it out for as long as he can. Likes to edge himself, over and over until his legs shake; then letting himself explode. Tonight, though, he has a feeling he won’t last long. He runs his fingers up and down his thighs, scraping lightly with his fingernails all the way up to the hem of his pants. He spreads his legs just so, letting his fingers dance across the insides of his thighs.

Closing his eyes, Harry thinks of Niall. Imagines his hands to be Niall’s, imagines Niall breathing out Harry’s name. Niall’s hands wander from the top of his thighs to his belly, his fingertips dancing just below Harry’s bellybutton, barely touching. Two fingers sneak in under the hem of his pants, just a little, just teasing, before going back to painting the swirling patterns on Harry’s skin, blending in with the tattoos on his hips.

Harry feels himself pulsating, growing harder. One of Niall’s hands cups his balls gently, barely touching, over his pants and he exhales shakily. Niall’s finger moves in small circles over his balls, and it’s almost too much, too soon. Harry pulls his pants down and off of his legs, pulling in a breath at the feel of his cock tasting sweet freedom.

One of Niall’s hands resume the cupping of Harry’s balls, rolling them gently and tugging just so. Niall’s other hand curls around Harry’s cock, loosely, the mere phantom of a touch. Niall pants in his ear, breathing out Harry’s name, moaning at the feel of Harry’s body. The grip on his cock tightens, pulls down slowly toward the base and Harry sucks in a breath when his foreskin reveals the tip. He already feels close to exploding, close to shattering.

It takes one slow pull on his cock, two, three. His tummy and thighs clench tightly on the fourth and he cums over the butterfly on his tummy and over the hand that isn’t Niall’s anymore. The feeling is utterly celestial and Harry allows himself to bask in its glory for a moment before opening his eyes. The bed looks empty, like Niall really had been here and had just gone away.

Grabbing a few tissues, Harry cleans himself up as good as he can. He can’t bother cleaning himself up properly, he’ll just have a shower in the morning. His pulse is slowly coming down, but he’s still panting.

His phone rings on the nightstand. Throwing the used tissues down on the floor, he grabs it and swipes to answer.

”Hi.”

”Hello,” Niall says warmly into his ear and Harry melts into his pillow.

”Hi,” he says again and closes his eyes. It’s almost as if Niall is there with him, now. There’s a short beat before Niall says,

”Are you- why do you sound out of breath, Harry?”

Harry blushes and covers his eyes with his arm.

”Harry,” Niall huffs out in a mockingly scandalised voice that Harry can hear is laced with a smile, ”have I caught you at a bad time?”

Harry breathes out a laugh. ”No, no, I just- ah, I just finished.”

”Oh, I see,” Niall breathes out. ”Was it good?”

”Yeah, the best I’ve had in a long time, actually.” Harry blushes some more.

”Yeah? Why? Did you think of me?”

”Yes.” Harry means to sound brave, but it comes out as a whisper.

”Oh, fuck - really?” Niall groans out.

”Mhm,” Harry hums. He shuffles over on his side, his now soft cock brushing against the duvet. He looks at his hand not holding the phone, the hand that was one of Niall’s only a moment ago. It’s quite large. Some people have really liked his hands, liked to suck on his fingers sometimes during sex. He wonders if Niall would.

”Okay, let’s not get more into that or this conversation will take a turn I wasn’t planning on.”

Harry laughs quietly and shuffles down under his duvet.

”Tell me about the rest of your day,” Niall urges and Harry cannot believe how wonderful he is. ”How was dinner?”

”It was good.” He dives into a retelling of Liam’s attempts at corrupting Hugo, and then Niall tells him about his day and the moldy lunchbox he found in the fridge at work. Harry still has to try hard to not think about what Niall talks about when he mentions _work_ because he still cannot get over that he is a stripper. The way Niall makes him feel when he simply talks about mundane things is not an effect a stripper should have on him. And yet, Niall’s voice and Niall’s breathing through the phone makes Harry’s tummy churn in pleasant ways and makes him long for him, makes Harry need Niall here right now.

”Do you want to come over tomorrow?” He asks when the longing grows too strong.

”Sorry, pet,” Niall says and Harry feels his heart stop for a moment. Niall called him ’pet’. This is the first time he has called Harry a name other than the one he was given at birth and he made it sound like the most natural thing to ever come out of his mouth and Harry’s heart has _stopped_. Niall has of course taken no notice of this on the other side of the phone and continues, ”I’m working tomorrow evening. I can come over on Wednesday?”

Harry manages to restart his heart. ”Yeah.”

They say their goodbyes and their goodnights and Harry falls asleep content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me at horansheroes.tumblr.com


	10. CHAPTER TEN

Picking Hugo up from school on Wednesday is a piece of cake. Drop-off went just as smoothly; Hugo was in a terrific mood due to the fact that Niall is coming over this afternoon. This good mood rubbed off on Harry, who spent the day voluntarily answering the phone and not even complaining once.

Harry’s good mood has lasted all day, and so has Hugo’s, apparently, if the big smile and the way he _skips_ to Harry when he sees him, is anything to go by. He hugs Harry around the waist and looks up at him with a blinding smile.

”Everything alright, today?”

”He’s had a hard time focusing, today.” The Beast sounds fed up. ”He’s been day dreaming a lot.”

”Oh?” This surprises Harry. Hugo has about as much trouble concentrating on stuff that does not interest him as any other five year old, but for it to warrant a comment at the end of the day is unusual. He looks down at Hugo and combs his fingers through the fine hair on his head. ”What’s been on your mind today, then?”

Hugo shrugs with his arms still around Harry’s waist. ”I was just happy that Niall is coming today.”

This is unsettling. No - not unsettling… discomforting. It is very fortunate, of course, that Hugo likes Niall. It is very fortunate that he looks forward to seeing him. It is a bit worrisome, though, that he looks forward to seeing him so much that he has trouble concentrating. Especially since he has not known Niall for very long.

Especially since there is that nagging feeling in the back of Harry’s head that he is heading into this too fast, too recklessly.

”Yeah,” he says and feels like he’s drowning, ”it’s going to be fun.”

Hugo bikes close to Harry the entire way home, excitedly shouting at Harry all the things he and Niall are going to do. Harry is both amused at how much time Hugo thinks they will have, and distressed by the ball of unease at the bottom of his stomach. He gets why Louis is starting to get tired of his constant back-and-forth when it comes to Niall. He’s starting to get really annoyed, himself.

They are locking their bikes to the bike rack outside their building when a happy voice shouts their names. Both Harry and Hugo’s heads turn at the sound. Niall is walking at a steady pace towards them with a big smile. Harry feels, at the sight of him:

Elation

Desire

Guilt.

He takes off his helmet just as Niall reaches them. Niall hugs Hugo first; swoops down so they can put their arms around one another. It is a terribly beautiful sight and Harry feels faint when Niall stands up straight and makes Harry his next target. Niall embraces him with warmth, one arm over Harry's shoulders and one low around his hips. Harry allows for his head to fall down on Niall’s shoulder, face into his neck. He breathes in that sweet smell of home and Niall. His arm that is not holding his helmet, the one around Niall’s back, forces their bodies tighter. Niall exhales softly into Harry’s hair. Whispers, ”Hi, pet” into it and Harry shivers, sags against him as his knees threaten to give in.

Niall has too much power.

They separate and Harry sees Hugo who he had _not_ forgotten about, he had merely slipped out of his mind for a short moment. Hugo, who is watching them with curiosity written all over his face. He says nothing, but his eyes dart to Niall’s hand that lingers on Harry’s waist.

Harry clears his throat and gathers up Hugo’s stuff. ”Let’s head inside.”

Hugo wastes no time as they get inside the flat in attempting to drag Niall away to his bedroom by grabbing a hold of his sleeve. What he does not consider is the fact that while he himself has gotten out of his outerwear, Niall has not. Niall stumbles out of his shoes with a yelp, narrowly preventing himself from falling down by grabbing a hold of Harry’s bicep. Harry swallows down a laugh and steadies Niall before bending down to pick up Hugo’s coat that he left on the floor.

”You forgot this,” he says and hands it to his son who sighs dramatically and makes a big show of hanging it on its place. He takes a hold of Niall’s sleeve again and starts talking about the cool Lego things they’re going to build, but Harry nips that bud.

”You have to do your homework, first.”

”But-” Hugo starts to whine and pulls on Niall’s sleeve.

”I’ll help you,” Niall interrupts. ”The sooner we finish, the sooner you can show me your Lego, yeah?”

And that is how Harry finds himself flitting in and out of the kitchen, alternating between preparing dinner and tidying up in the sitting room. All the while, Hugo and Niall sit bent over Hugo’s workbook at the kitchen table to the low sounds of Hugo’s homework playlist. It looks just like Harry imagined it. Natural, like it was meant to be. Sacred, almost. Harry doesn’t dare speak in fear of it being an illusion and ruining it.

It doesn’t take too long for Hugo to finish his spellings and he rushes off to deposit his book bag on its hanger by the front door. Niall tells him to go ahead to his bedroom and get out the Lego, he’ll be there in a second.

Niall and Harry are now alone in the kitchen. Harry abandons the onion he was attempting to chop finely and crowds in on Niall, pushes him up against the fridge and kisses him. Niall’s hands at once find their way to Harry’s waist, bringing him closer.

”I missed you,” Niall mumbles into Harry’s mouth. Harry hums in response, too busy caressing Niall’s collarbones that peek out from under his navy blue jumper. They feel lovely; Harry wants to lick them, suck on them, bite down. He pushes Niall’s collar to the side, exposes more of Niall’s pale, smooth skin and that lovely collarbone. Bending his head down, he places kisses on the newly exposed skin, grazes it lightly with his teeth.

”Jesus,” Niall breathes out a shaky laugh. He pulls Harry closer in by his hip, letting Harry feel how he swells in his trousers. And the feeling of his growing erection against Harry’s hip is so dazzling that Harry has to lick Niall’s skin, just a little, just to taste him. Niall shivers underneath his tongue and Harry has never experienced anything this _erotic_ before. It ends too soon, though, when there’s the sound of Hugo shouting Niall’s name from his bedroom. Harry sighs and presses his forehead into the collarbone he just kissed. Niall gently pushes him away. This is the end of the world.

Niall reaches up a hand and caresses Harry’s cheek. He leans in and kisses Harry lightly on the lips. The world has begun anew.

”I have to go impress your son with my amazing Lego building skills,” he says and kisses Harry again. These words might be the sexiest words Harry has ever heard. He nods and steps out of Niall’s way. Niall adjusts himself in his trousers with a wink, leaves the kitchen and Harry is left alone in his hunger. He finishes preparing dinner to the sounds of Niall and Hugo’s laughter coming from Hugo’s bedroom. The sounds appear like a glowing light streaming into the kitchen, warming Harry from the outside all the way to his very core.

Dinner is delightful. Hugo doesn’t fuss about having to eat his veggies. Niall sits on Hugo’s side of the table and at first it felt strange, seeing them side by side at the table like this, just like it did at the Pear Tree Cafe. But Niall keeps alternating between listening intently to Hugo’s ramblings, and smiling sweetly at Harry. It’s a smile that Harry cannot fight returning, feeling like a teenage girl with a crush. Dinner also provides new observations for Harry to file away in his mind.

Here is how Niall eats: knife in his right hand, fork in his left. He holds the fork in a way that suggests that someone, likely a parent, has been very adamant about table manners. His elbow stays close to his side and he chews with his mouth closed. The bites he takes, though, are perhaps a bit too big, creating an impressive bulge on his left cheek. Harry notices that he chews mainly on the left side.

Here is how Niall listens: intently, with his blue (gorgeous, gorgeous) eyes focused on Hugo. He nods when it seems appropriate and hums with engagement. Asks followup questions such as ”What happened then?” And ”How did you feel?” when Hugo takes breaks in his talking to shovel food in his mouth.

Here is how Niall looks: absolutely stunning. His navy jumper is a perfect colour on him; bringing out the blue in his eyes. His hair the colour of melted chocolate is fluffy and Harry knows from experience that it is very soft, very easy to card his fingers through. He has let his stubble grow out a bit, now, and it makes him look older in a way that is breathtaking. His neck, his shoulders, his smile. They are all components of what makes Niall Niall and Harry cannot stop looking.

The three of them wash the dishes together; Hugo helping because Niall does it. It is domestic and feels intimately private, the way Harry and Niall stand close, almost unbearably so, with Hugo next to them. It feels achingly like they are a family and Harry is certain that Niall feels it, too. He has to. He cannot _not_ be experiencing this moment and feel unmoved by its enormity, by its colossal impact that threatens to swallow Harry whole.

After the dishes, Hugo feels like doing some colouring. Harry gathers his crayons and colouring books and deposits them on the sofa table. Niall connects his phone to the speakers and puts on one of his playlist, ”’s called ’Soft Moments’,” he says and Harry’s whole body aches for this man. They colour together for a while, until Hugo’s eyes begin to droop and when Harry looks at the time, he sees that he has completely lost track of it.

”Time for bed,” he says and Hugo whines a little but nods. He collects his stuff, shoves it under his arm and carries it off to his bedroom. Harry stands up, bends down to kiss Niall on the forehead and says, ”back in a mo,” before following.

They get Hugo ready for bed, while Hugo tells Harry about how much fun he and Niall has had today, and can’t Niall come over every day? Harry just smiles. Hugo makes a detour to the sitting room to say goodnight to Niall on his way into bed and Niall looks absolutely delighted by his goodnight hug. Harry reads out loud from _The Cat in the Hat_ in Hugo’s bed and tries to stay in the moment but his mind keeps tiptoeing out of the room and into the sitting room where Niall is waiting. Hugo falls asleep eventually and in the process of his arms going slack, Olivia falls down onto the floor. Harry puts her back into his arms and leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Niall is sitting on the sofa and Harry has a horrible flashback to their first meeting, when he sees him. But Niall is not wearing a police costume, now, and Hugo has not seen anything inappropriate. Harry still cannot process this, though, the situation is too similar and the ugly, black guilt starts bubbling in his tummy. He turns around and heads to the kitchen instead, calling out low enough as to not wake Hugo, ”fancy a cuppa?”

He’s dropping teabags into two mugs when Niall enters. Harry hears him pause in the doorway behind his back and decides to be honest.

”Sorry,” he says and grips the edge of the counter, ”I was just reminded of when I fucked up and Hugo saw you straddle me on the sofa.” He huffs out a breath that he meant for to be a laugh. He feels Niall coming closer stronger than he hears his footsteps. Niall jumps up to sit on the counter next to the teacups. He puts a hand on top of Harry’s head, hanging between his shoulders.

It feels nice.

”I’m pretty sure Hugo’s forgotten all about that. You should, too,” Niall says and scratches lightly at Harry’s scalp. ”Won’t do ya any good, all this worrying.”

Harry tilts his head up to look at him. Niall allows his hand to fall of in the process. He looks honest, his face open and inviting.

” _Trust me_ ,” he says, putting emphasis on the articulation of the words and it amplifies the Irish accent and Harry never had a thing about that before he met Niall but now, now, no accent has ever sounded so beautiful. He tips to the side, letting his head fall into Niall’s lap. The denim is coarse against his cheek. Niall’s hand finds it way back into his hair and then it hits Harry like a punch to the face how close he is to Niall’s cock.

It’s just there, a mere breath away, hidden beneath two layers of clothing. So close that Harry could smell it, were it not kept away. Niall’s hand is a comfortable weight on his head, but Harry imagines it holding him down, forcing him closer to where Niall wants his lips. His mouth waters.

He adjusts the position of his head just so, just inching a little bit closer, a little bit closer still, until he can nuzzle his face in the crease of Niall’s groin. It is a wonderful place. Harry could stay here forever. He nuzzles closer, his cheek grazing where Niall lies hidden.

”Alright,” Niall laughs and pulls him up from his hiding space, bringing them face to face. Niall puts his hands on Harry’s cheeks. ”You’re too much.” And yet, he spreads his legs, inviting Harry closer. Harry steps into the V willingly, desperately. Niall does not release his hold on his cheeks, keeping him in place, steady - not allowing him to look anywhere else but at Niall. His pupils are blown wide open. This knowledge, this biological fact that Niall _wants him_ is too much. Harry surges forward through Niall’s hold because he needs to taste Niall’s lips immediately. Niall makes a surprised little yelp, but Harry swallows it down.

It’s a frantic kiss, laced with desperation. Harry can’t control his hands; they have been infused with a spark of being, permitted their own agency. In under Niall’s layers, feeling Niall’s back, exploring the landscape that Harry realises with despair that he hasn’t touched before.

”Off, off,” he pants into Niall’s mouth and pulls on the hem of his beautiful jumper.

”Harry-” Niall begins, but Harry pushes the jumper up into Niall’s armpits. Niall allows himself to be manhandled into removing it, shedding the white tee shirt hidden underneath at the same time. Harry stands back to look at his work of art.

Niall’s skin is flushed, from his cheeks down to his chest. It’s pale and smooth, stretched like a taut canvas over his lean muscles. The smattering of light brown hair on his chest looks like the finest place to rest one’s head on. Harry, the first and only other time he’s seen this chest, did not pay enough attention to it. It is the most glorious chest, rising and falling quickly with Niall’s hard breaths. Last time, he wasn’t allowed to touch. Last time, Niall was working. Harry quickly pushes the thought away, pushes _Niall is a stripper_ away, focuses his attention on Niall’s bellybutton, snug in the middle of his narrow waist. Harry wants to dip his tongue in it. The mere thought of it has him whimpering.

”Touch me,” Niall breathes out, grabbing for Harry’s hand. ”Touch me, touch me.” He pulls Harry closer and Harry’s hands have their life once again breathed into them. They explorethe vast greatness before them, combing through the chest hair and dancing down onto his abdomen. Niall leans back on his hands, allowing Harry greater access. Harry can feel his eyes on him, warm and heavy, but the skin around Niall’s left nipple is too captivating, too ensnaring. He bends down to kiss it, because it’s right there, offered to him. Niall exhales loudly and shifts his balance, freeing up one hand that he moves to the back of Harry’s head. Harry’s body is trembling with anticipation. He is acutely aware of the loud quiet and stillness of the kitchen, the only disturbance being their breathing, full of life. This moment in time and space is the most monumentally sensual thing to have ever happened. Harry swirling his tongue over Niall’s left nipple is the tipping point of the universe.

Niall’s hand on his head tightens it grip on his hair and pulls him up and off of Niall’s nipple. He’s guided to Niall’s mouth and this, yes, this is good, too. Niall tastes so good; Harry could write an epic poem about Niall’s taste alone. And then another one on Niall’s kisses. Kissing Niall is addictive and Harry is spellbound. He stands up straighter, takes a firm grip on Niall’s thighs and pulls him closer to the edge of the counter, closer to himself. Niall stiffens at the sudden movement, but relaxes easily. Harry reaches around Niall and with one push at his bum, brings their crotches together. They both moan at the touch. Harry looks down between them. Their straining bulges appear to be reaching for each other, yearning for a touch. He grinds softly, watching how his stiff bulge moves over Niall’s crotch and sucks in a sharp breath both at the feeling and the sight. Niall grips his bicep tightly, ”I really don’t want to cum in my pants, again.”

Harry nods without taking his eyes off their crotches. He moves his arms slowly from Niall’s back to his front, down. Gently, he cups Niall’s swollen bulge in his right hand. Keeping his hand still for a moment, just soaking up the feeling of Niall like this. Niall’s grip on his bicep tightens, though, the unspoken request loud and clear. Harry unbuttons Niall’s jeans and pulls the zipper down, slowly enough to tease just a little, just to amplify the feeling. Niall exhales loudly.

He is wearing white pants. Harry doesn't know what he expected - the ones he borrowed the other week were black - but something about Niall wearing white pants causes a short circuit in his brain. He can’t stop staring.

”Lift your hips,” he whispers, still not taking his eyes off Niall’s white pants. Niall puts his hands behind him on the counter and leans back on them again, lifting his hips from the surface. Harry quickly grabs his jeans and pulls them down and off his legs. Niall’s pants are tight, so invitingly tight and now, with less confinement, the outline of his cock strains visibly at the cotton. Harry pauses with his fingers hooked into the lining of the pants, savouring this sacred moment and preparing himself for the wonder that awaits him. He takes in a deep breath and pulls them down.

Magnificent, is the first word that pops into Harry’s mind. He can’t do anything but stare. Niall’s cock is hard, twitching where it stands. He is so hard that the foreskin is drawn back a bit, revealing part of the tip that is so furiously red, glistening where it’s leaking. Niall’s hand cups the back of his neck, urging him to look up. Harry does so, meeting Niall’s eye. He takes him in: his blown pupils, his swollen lips, his tousled hair, his heaving chest. He looks like a dream.

”It’s not really fair, do you think,” the dream murmurs and combs his fingers trough the hair on the back of Harry’s head, ”that I’m naked, and you’re not?” He smiles softly. Harry can feel his heart beginning to melt at the sight of that smile. He distracts himself from it by unbuttoning his own jeans, shoving them down to his feet and stepping out of them completely. He looks at Niall as he starts pulling down his pants, but Niall has his eyes fixed at where Harry reveals himself.

He shivers at the feeling of being free from his confinements at the same time as Niall draws in a sharp breath. ”Oh, fuck,” he breathes out and snaps his head up to meet Harry’s eye. ”Are you for real?”

”I - yes,” Harry whispers, suddenly unsure of himself. He is not a person who cares too much about what others think of his appearance, not anymore, but the thought popping up in his head about Niall not liking the look of Harry’s cock, makes him want to throw up. But Niall grips Harry’s hips firmly, pulling him closer until their cocks touch. He looks down and then back to Harry’s face. Marvel swims in his eyes.

”So fucking gorgeous,” he says, and, with a hand on Harry’s neck, pulls him in for a kiss. ”Should’ve expected it, but _fuck_ ,” he whispers against Harry’s lips and Harry’s knees wobble. He grips Niall’s thighs tightly. The moment which had slowed down and become a rose-tinted still life painting, comes alive once more in their urgent touches and urgent kisses.

”I need-” Harry whispers, but stops himself because he’s not sure about what it is that he needs. His cock is aching for release. He needs everything.

”Yeah,” Niall pants in agreement, still. His hands are underneath the tee shirt that Harry is still wearing for some reason and the muscles in Harry’s abdomen clench under his fingers. He slides his left hand down until he reaches Harry’s groin, and slowly, circles his fingers loosely around his cock. Harry moans and lets his head fall down onto Niall’s shoulder. Niall jerks his hand slowly, pulling the foreskin down and Harry bites down into the strong muscles on Niall’s shoulder to stop himself from crying out in pleasure. Niall hisses unappreciatively at the bite and Harry kisses the spot, mumbling a ”sorry” into the skin. He lets his hand fumble in blindness, following the lines of Niall’s body until he finds what he is looking for.

Starting from behind Niall’s balls, he lightly traces a line up, up, until he reaches the tip. Niall’s shoulder is trembling where he rests his head. Harry forms a circle with his fist and starts pumping, slowly, from tip to base. Niall adjusts his speed and matches it with Harry’s and - wow, oh god. Harry lifts his head from Niall’s shoulder and uses his free hand to cup Niall’s cheek, directing his gaze into Harry’s own.

This is the beginning and the end of the universe.

Niall’s cheeks are pink and his eyes glassy, his mouth slack. He is the most stunning thing Harry has ever seen. Harry wishes he could save this memory forever, of Niall looking like this. He leans in and kisses him. They have shared many kisses, now, but this one stands out in glittering gold. With his hand and with his tongue, Harry draws out little whimpers from deep within Niall. These whimpers are possibly the most beautiful sound in the world. Harry starts pumping his fist around Niall faster, and panting into his mouth when Niall matches his speed to Harry’s.

Niall moans into Harry’s mouth and his breath hitches when he cums, his hand squeezing tighter and the combined sensation of Niall’s touch and Niall’s sounds brings Harry over the edge. His jizz joins the white streams on Niall’s abdomen and chest, painting the canvas in the most glorious of ways. Niall kisses him through it, keeping him grounded and stopping him from floating away into the atmosphere.

Harry breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against Niall’s. They are both panting, exchanging air. Harry wants to say something but has no clue about what. Nothing can be said that can do this moment justice. Instead, he presses one more short kiss to Niall’s lips and stands up straight. He rolls his shoulders; there’s a dull ache in his back from leaning forward for so long.

Niall looks godlike. Debauched. He smiles at Harry and he doesn’t look godlike, he looks otherworldly. Their mixed cum covering his upper body glistens in the kitchen light. Harry grabs his tee shirt in the back of his neck and pulls it off, uses it to wipe at Niall’s chest. Niall sighs lovingly and moves his hand to Harry’s tummy

”Finally,” he sighs. ”There she is.”

Harry looks down and sees Niall’s fingers tracing the wings of the butterfly. He remembers, now, promising Niall on their first date, that he would see the butterfly another time. His cheeks warm up at the memory.

”You didn’t tell me about these,” Niall murmurs, moving on to the laurels on his hips, and up to the swallows on his chest.

”D’you like them?” The words come out in a hoarse whisper.

Niall smiles. ”They’re a bit odd, but yeah. Course I do.”

Harry returns his smile and resumes wiping their cum off of Niall’s body.


	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN

Having held Niall’s cock in his hand as he reaches his climax is an experience that has fundamentally changed Harry. Yes, it’s only Thursday and the whole thing happened yesterday, but Harry can tell. He is fundamentally changed. Harry can’t tell yet exactly _how_ , but a major shift has happened in the foundation of the universe.

Having held Niall’s cock in his hand as he reaches his climax also has Harry in a delightfully good mood, today. This is also caused by the fact that his own cock has been held by Niall as he climaxed. In short - having had sex with Niall has Harry in a Good Mood. It was great sex. Truly great sex. Harry is very eager to do it again, preferably as soon as possible. He wants Niall inside of him. He _needs_ Niall inside of him. This is why he, during his lunch break, texts Niall to see if he’s free during the weekend. He gets the _very_ attractive answer: **no , but ill see if anyone can cover for me xx**. He does manage this, and now Harry has a date on Saturday.

He has a _child free_ date on Saturday.

Well, he hopes he does. He just needs to find a babysitter for Hugo. Louis is going home to Donny for the weekend to see his siblings, so that’s one less option. Gemma is going on a date of her own (which Harry cannot forget to ask her about, later) so he’s more or less counting on Liam at this point. Harry texted him a few hours ago, but Liam still hasn’t replied.

”Alright, Hugs?” Harry asks as he enters the sitting room, having just finished the dishes for the evening. He joins Hugo on the sofa where he’s watching a Postman Pat episode. Hugo shuffles so he’s leaning against Harry’s arm. Postman Pat has a windy day and has lost his hat to the wind. Harry doesn’t particularly want Hugo to grow up, but one advantage of that will be that he never has to watch children’s telly again.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. It’s a text from Liam.

**I’ll watch him, he can sleep over so you can have the night alone with Niall ;)**

Harry feels his heart jump in its cage. He’s not even miffed at Liam’s innuendo, too pleased by the situation provided for him to be. He can’t stop the smile forming on his face when he types out to Niall, **Hugo is sleeping at Liam’s on Saturday**

”What’re you smiling at, daddy?”

Harry turns his head to Hugo who’s trying to see what’s so funny on Harry’s phone. Harry locks it and puts it back in his pocket.

”I have arranged for you,” he says with a smile that he can’t remove from his face and pokes Hugo in the thigh, ”to sleep at Uncle Liam’s on Saturday!”

”Really?” Hugo lights up. Having a sleep over at Liam’s is a rare thing, the last time it happened was last year when Harry’s aunt died and he had to go to the funeral.

”Yes, really!”

Hugo squeals and throws his arms around Harry’s neck. ”Thank you, daddy!”

Harry is absolutely elated. This is working out a lot better than he could ever hope for. He kisses Hugo’s arm and then untangles himself from his grasp. Standing up, he walks over to the stereo and plugs in his phone. The happy feelings growing in his body need a way to be let out. He turns back to Hugo and has just dragged him up from the sofa when the music starts.

”Oh, baby I love your way, everyday,” Harry joins in with Big Mountain and twirls Hugo. Hugo excitedly follows him in the dance. They spin and twirl their way through the sitting room, Harry singing along and Hugo joining in on the chorus as it is the only part he knows. Hugo raises his arms up when the music slows down and Harry hoists him up on his hip. He whirls in time to the music and dips Hugo low before straightening back up to Hugo’s delighted laughter.

”Oh, baby I love your way,” they duet loudly as Harry sways them from side to side. They dance until the song ends and Harry drops Hugo back down onto the floor. He shakes his arms.

”You’re getting so heavy, Hugs,” he says and bends down to kiss his head.

”It’s because I’m so strong,” Hugo answers wisely.

”Yeah, probably.” Harry goes and turns the music off. If they keep up the dance party Hugo will be too wired up for bed. ”Why don’t you use your strong muscles to go to the bathroom? It’s shower time.”

When Hugo was younger, Harry had a large plastic tub that he would bathe Hugo in. Put it on the floor in the shower and lean inside uncomfortably. But Hugo grew out of that tub about a year ago and a bigger one wouldn’t fit in the shower. Harry misses it. Bath time was so much more enjoyable, for both of them, than the ’shower time’ they have now. Harry would sit on the closed lid on the toilet, leaning uncomfortably into the shower. Hugo had his bath toys; duckies, boats and a plastic watering can that Harry would use to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. Hugo loved the idea that being watered with a watering can would make him into a flower, and that was an idea that Harry entertained for a long time.

Hugo undresses and throws his clothes in the hamper while Harry turns on the water to heat it up. He takes off his socks and rolls up the sleeves of his jumper. Hugo steps inside the shower.

”Temperature okay?”

”Yeah.”

After getting it wet, Harry shampoos Hugo’s hair while Hugo practices reading the text on the shampoo bottle out loud. Harry rinses it out carefully with a hand strategically placed on his forehead to keep the water out of his eyes. The soap is a different story. Hugo has recently expressed a want to do it by himself. So Harry sits down on the toilet and watches how Hugo carefully lathers the soap over his body. He is painstakingly slow and it itches in Harry’s hands to just do it himself, but Hugo needs to learn at some point.

”Remember to get in between your toes,” he says and points to Hugo’s feet. Hugo bends over and very inefficiently shoves his fingers between his toes to clean. Harry loves him endlessly.

”Done?”

Hugo nods, so Harry turns on the water again and rinses the soap suds away. While Hugo shakes the water off like a dog - also a thing he has begun doing recently (Harry has decided not to try to understand) - Harry gets his towel from the rack and sits back down on the toilet. Hugo gets out of the shower and Harry wraps the towel around him before lifting him up on his lap. This is one of Harry’s absolute favourite routines. They’ve done it since Hugo was a baby and Harry knows it won’t last much longer. But tonight, and hopefully for many nights to come, Hugo lets him hug him dry.

”Let’s see how you did with your toes,” Harry says and lifts one of Hugo’s feet, making a big show of inspecting the toes thoroughly while Hugo giggles. ”Ah yes, these are mighty clean. Well done!”

After Hugo’s gone to sleep, Harry calls Niall. Niall answers on the second ring with a ”hang on a second,” and promptly hangs up. Harry stares at the phone in his hand. And suddenly, Niall calls him back but this time on FaceTime. Harry swipes to answer and is met with Niall’s face.

”Hi,” Niall smiles at him, ”this okay? Wanted to see your face.”

Harry’s heart warms at the comment, a warmth that spreads up along his neck until it finds rest in his cheeks. ”Yeah, it’s okay.” On the phone, Niall is moving around. ”What’re you doing?”

”Just got home, actually,” Niall smiles. ”Gonna get myself something to eat.”

”What’re you gonna make?” Harry lays down on the sofa and turns the telly on with the volume low.

”Dunno, what did you have?”

”A chickpea curry.”

Niall hums appreciatively. ”Sounds nice. Don’t think I have any chickpeas, though.” He’s in the kitchen now and puts the phone down on the counter. Harry can see more of him, now. He’s in a simple white tee shirt, his thin gold chain hanging out of the collar. Harry turns his cheek into the throw pillow to hide the blush creeping up. It’s mental, really, how the mere sight of Niall in a white tee shirt has Harry blushing. He watches Niall rummage through his cupboards and fridge. Niall sighs and turns to Harry, placing his elbows on the counter to rest his face in his hands. He blinks slowly at Harry. Harry smiles.

”Not feeling like cooking?”

Niall sighs. ”Nah. Starving’, though.” He turns his face in his hands, looking at something that Harry can’t see. His profile is stunning. His straight nose stands proudly in the spotlight. It’s a rather handsome nose. The words flow out of Harry on their own accord; ”I love your nose.”

Niall turns to Harry again with a surprised smile. ”This old thing?” He scrunches his nose.

Harry hums. ”It’s very handsome. Fits well on your face.”

”Yeah?” Niall smiles brightly. ”What else on my face is handsome?”

Harry turns on his side, shuffling back so he fits on the sofa. ”Your chin-”

”My butt chin is handsome?” Niall interjects with a laugh. He pokes into the dip with a finger.

”Yeah, so handsome.”

Niall’s eyes turn soft. ”Alright.”

”And your eyes.” Harry wets his lips. ”Prettiest eyes I’ve seen, they’re so kind. And your lips. Really like your lips. So soft. And so pretty when you smile.”

Niall smiles, his eyes glittering.

”And your neck,” Harry continues, because the words just roll off his tongue now that he’s started, unstoppable. ”It’s so broad, so strong. Just like your shoulders. Love your shoulders,” he sighs. ”And your chest, and your arms. And your bum, and-”

”Alright, pet,” Niall interrupts again with a laugh and picks up his phone, takes it with him as he moves in the kitchen, opening up his fridge again, if the light on his face is anything to go by. ”I get it, you think I’m handsome.” He winks into the camera before moving out of frame and diving into the fridge. Harry hears him move stuff around, and then he pops back up.

”So handsome,” Harry agrees. He feels warm, drunk almost.

Niall puts him back on the counter, positioning the phone carefully so Harry can see him clearly. He takes out a bowl from the cupboard above Harry and begins cracking eggs into it. ”So, Saturday, huh?” He asks with a wink.

”Are you free all day?”

”Yeah.” Niall opens a drawer and gets out a balloon whisk. He starts whisking the eggs. The sound is harsh on the microphone and Harry turns the sound down.

”I’ll see about when I can drop Hugo off at Liam’s and then you can come whenever you want. Or I can come to you.”

Niall stops whisking and places both hands on the counter, leaning his body on his arms. He looks straight at Harry and smiles, then hangs his head down, shaking it. ”Dunno how I’m gonna survive ’til then,” he says and looks up again. ”Yesterday was… I can’t stop thinking about it.”

”Yeah?”

”Yeah.”

Harry bites down on his lip to stop the stupid smile threatening to get out. ”Me, too.”

”Yeah?”

Harry nods. The smile slips out despite his efforts, stretching his cheeks.

”Stop smiling,” Niall smiles, ”you’re making it even more difficult.”

”Sorry.” But the smile is persistent. Niall breathes out a laugh and goes back to his whisked eggs. He gets out some herb Harry can’t identify, and milk from the fridge. Harry lets him add a splash of milk, salt and pepper the eggs and add whatever herb it is, before - and only because he is so unbearably drunk on Niall - he breathes out:

”I’m gonna be needing you inside me.”

Niall stops his movements abruptly, like he needs to process what Harry said, before throwing his head back and groaning loudly. The hand closest to Harry forms into a tight fist.

”Jesus fucking Christ,” he says with a laugh and snaps his head back to Harry. He laughs. ”I mean, I’m up for it, of course, but Jesus Christ.” He’s still chuckling when he bends down to get a pan out from a cupboard. He puts it on the cooker. It’s calming watching Niall cook, mesmerising, to watch how carefully he moves the spatula in the eggs, turning down the heat. His mind wanders off to a universe where they share a kitchen, him and Niall. Harry at the kitchen table, maybe with a glass of red wine, sipping slowly while Niall cooks and tells him about his day. Soft music playing in the background, Joni Mitchell, perhaps, and flickering lights on the table. Niall isn’t wearing any trousers, simply those tight, white pants and his white tee shirt under an apron. He takes a sip of whine from his own glass before pouring some of it into a pot of whatever he’s cooking. It smells wonderful.

In this moment, though, Niall slips his omelette from the pan onto a plate. He stares at it in his hand for a moment, then turns to Harry. ”This looks really sad, doesn’t it?” He angles the plate so Harry can see.

”It does, yeah.”

”I think I’ve got some tomatoes.”

It is as Niall is busy cutting up some bell pepper - there were no tomatoes - that Harry hears the sound of a door opening and then a weak, ”daddy?”. Phone in his hand, he is up from the sofa in an instant.

”Hugs? What’re you doing up?” He asks as he turns out of the sitting room. There stands Hugo in the doorway to his room, clutching Olivia to his chest and with a dark patch on his pyjama bottoms.

”I had an accident.”

”I can see that, Hugsie.” He coos and bends down to kiss his hair.

”Harry? D’you wanna call me back later?” Niall asks from the phone, startling Hugo.

”Are you talking to Niall?” He asks timidly.

”Yeah, wanna say hello?” Harry angles the phone towards him, but Hugo shakes his head.

”Alright.” Harry hangs up the call to Niall with a, ”Yeah, I’ll talk to you later” and pockets the phone.

”Okay, Hugs, why don’t you go and throw your pyjamas in the laundry basket?”

Hugo nods and trots off to the bathroom. Harry rubs his hands over his face and sighs before going into Hugo’s room to assess the damage. He turns the light on. A big, wet spot appears in the middle of the bed. Harry is thankful that despite Hugo not having had a nighttime accident in many months, he has kept the protective cover on the mattress. He checks the duvet, which, as a nice surprise is dry. So he rips off the sheet from the bed and goes to the bathroom to get paper to dry off the plastic sheet.

Hugo is still in there, naked now, and stepping into the shower. He looks up at Harry as he enters.

”I wanna wash it off.”

Harry helps him turn on the water and leaves him to wash himself while he goes and wipes the wee off the bed. From the bathroom, he can hear the water being turned off. He gets fresh sheets and remakes the bed and as he is tucking in the corners, Hugo comes into the room, dry and naked and with Olivia in his hand.

”Well done, Hugs! Can you pick out some new pyjamas, please?”

Hugo nods and opens the drawer. Harry helps him get his arms through the sleeves and urges him into bed. Once Hugo is settled, Harry throws the duvet dramatically over him, covering his giggling son completely.

”Again!”

Harry lifts the duvet back up and fans it down again to Hugo’s delight.

”Again!”

”No, that’s enough,” Harry chuckles. ”It’s time to go back to sleep.”

Hugo pouts, but makes himself comfortable. Harry tucks him in, making sure Olivia is within reach. Lays down beside him on top of the covers and strokes his hair. ”Do you need another story? Or a cuddle?”

”A cuddle,” Hugo says decisively. Harry loves him with all that he is. He opens up his arms and Hugo snuggles closer, shoving his head into Harry’s armpit. They lay like that, Harry rubbing a hand on Hugo’s arm and humming softly, alternating between Landslide and Thirteen by Big Star; Thirteen because it is a song he used to sing to put Hugo to sleep when he was a baby, and Landslide because having his boy in his arms like this is the most terrifyingly beautiful thing he’s ever loved and the day when he loses moments like these will surely be the death of him. Harry has loved the song for as long as he has loved Fleetwood Mac, but it found a new meaning when Hugo was born, just like Harry’s life did.

Once Hugo’s gone back to sleep, Harry slips out of bed and the room, taking the soiled sheet with him and putting it in the laundry basket. There’s no way he’s doing the washing now, that’ll have to wait until tomorrow. He gets ready for bed, because the hour’s quite late, now, and retreats to his bedroom.

**Is it too late to call?**

Niall doesn’t reply, but instead calls Harry, again on FaceTime. He’s finished eating now, sitting on the sofa and watching something with the volume down low. A pair of glasses sit on his face, dark frames that make him look attractive in a completely new way.

”Did everything go okay?”

”Yeah,” Harry exhales as he gets into bed. He’s well aware that Niall can see that he is naked on his upper body. He might even purposefully hold the phone at a distance that allows Niall to see the swallows on his chest. He doesn’t pull his duvet all the way up his body, leaving his chest exposed. He’s not even ashamed. ”But that’s not important, now.”

”No?”

”No. What I need now is for you to tell me about those glasses. Are they real?”

Niall shoves them further up his nose. ”Ha, yeah. I need them when I watch telly and when I drive. But I don’t have a car, so that’s not really an issue. But you know, if I had one, then I’d need them.”

Harry hums. ”They look really good on you. Gives you that sexy librarian look.”

Niall laughs.

——

It has been decided that tomorrow, Saturday, Harry will come to Niall’s flat after he has dropped Hugo off at Liam’s. This is very fine. It has also been decided that Harry is in charge of buying… the necessities, so to speak. This is not very fine. Harry has not bought condoms in over five years. And while buying condoms isn’t embarrassing in itself, it is when you buy them from one of your best friends.

Yes. Because the universe is a bitch, Harry has no other choice than to buy condoms and lube during his and Hugo’s Friday snack shopping at Liam’s Tesco. He could of course have run to the shops and bought some during his lunch break, but he completely forgot about that, didn’t he? And now he is punished for his mistake.

Harry sends Hugo off to the confectionary isle while he goes to peruse his options. Are there more condom brands now than there was five years ago? It sure seems like it. The array of choices is downright overwhelming, and now Harry is standing in front of the condoms _sweating_. This is a cruel, cruel punishment. In the end, he picks a packet at random and a lube that he makes sure is water based. He meets up with Hugo by the sweets, who has picked out wine gums for his snack.

”Do you like wine gums?” Harry asked, surprised, because he has never seen his son even near wine gums.

Hugo looks at the bag in his hand. ”I don’t know, but Kieran said they’re really good!”

Harry resists the urge to roll his eyes, and picks a Kinder egg from the shelf when Hugo turns around, just in case the wine gums aren’t a success. It is absolutely pointless trying to steer Hugo away from the check out that Liam is occupying, so Harry doesn’t even try. At this point, all he can do is accept his fate.

”Uncle Liam!” Hugo shouts when they get in line. ”Did you know I’m sleeping at your house tomorrow?”

Liam, bless him, tries his best to appear professional to the woman he is charging at the moment while having a five year old shouting at him. Harry puts his hand on Hugo’s shoulder and squeezes lightly in an attempt to get him to quiet down and it works, but Hugo is literally trembling with excitement under his fingers. When it’s their turn, Hugo quickly puts his treat on the conveyer belt and rushes up to Liam, standing on his tiptoes so they can do their handshake. Harry tries to be discreet as he puts down the condoms and lube, but he knows it’s pointless.

”Uncle Liam! I’m sleeping at your house tomorrow!” Hugo repeats himself.

”I know!” Liam manages to match the excitement level with precise expertise. ”We’re gonna have so much fun!” He holds his hand up for a high five. Hugo slaps it and then goes off to fetch his wine gums. Liam turns to the next item on the belt and a gleeful smile appears on his face.

”Alright,” he says, dragging the word out obnoxiously. He presses the items to his chest and looks up at Harry while sighing lovingly at him. ”I never thought the day would come.”

”Piss off.”

”I wish I didn’t have to charge you,” Liam says and scans it all. Harry quickly puts them in his pockets and takes out his wallet.

”I wish this situation never happened.”

Liam snorts and presses a button so Harry can tap his card. ”You might want to be a bit kinder to the bloke who’s making it all possible.”

Harry stills in his moments of putting his card back. He clears his throat and looks Liam in the eye. ”I’m very grateful, Liam. Thank you for babysitting my child so I can have lots and lots of gay sex.”

”You’re _very_ welcome, Harry,” says Liam solemnly and hands him the receipt. Harry rolls his eyes and leaves the store with Hugo’s hand in his, the items in his pockets burning hotly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song Harry and Hugo are dancing to is Baby, I Love Your Way by Big Mountain
> 
> as always, you can find me at horansheroes.tumblr.com


	12. CHAPTER TWELVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up ladies, sexy times are coming!

”Do we have everything? We’ve not forgotten anything?” Harry rummages through the backpack he packed for Hugo, trying to come up with something he might have forgotten. Hugo stands next to him, already dressed with shoes on, and looks on unimpressed. ”Did we pack Olivia? I can’t find Olivia.”

Hugo shakes Olivia, who he is holding in his hand.

”Right,” Harry says and takes her, remembering now that they saved her for last so she won’t be smushed down by other things. Olivia stays on the top. He squeezes her in and zips the bag.

They take their bikes to Liam. It’s just after lunch, the sun is out and the weather is mild - a perfect day for a bike ride. Also a perfect day for sex. Harry woke up this morning and was already nervous. Could barely get down his breakfast. It is not entirely clear as to why he is nervous. He has had sex before. He has had sex with Niall. And yet, he is so inexplicably nervous. It’s a good kind of nervous, though. An excited kind of nervous. Harry is so eager and nervous about what today will hold for him that he wants to rip his skin off his body.

Liam opens the door to his flat with a big smile. ”Hugsie! My favourite lad!”

They do their special handshake and then Hugo throws his arms around Liam’s legs, grinning up at him. Harry hands Liam Hugo’s backpack and puts his hands in his pocket, instantly feeling a bit awkward. Like, Liam knows exactly where Harry is going now and what he’s going to do. Can probably see how Harry put some extra effort into making his hair look nice this morning and how he chose a shirt that brings out his eyes. What he can’t see is the result of the extra thorough shower Harry took this morning. Yet, he feels exposed.

”Alright, Hugs, say goodbye to your dad so we can start this day! I’ve got lots of things planned,” Liam says and pats Hugo on the head. Hugo lets go of Liam’s legs and throws his arms around Harry instead. Harry takes his hands out of his pockets and lifts him up in the armpits instead. Hugo’s legs wrap around his waist and Harry hugs him close. Hugo rests his head on Harry’s shoulder and suddenly something stirs inside of Harry, something uncomfortable, and he hugs Hugo closer.

This is wrong. Isn’t it? Harry is not meant to send his son off for the night to go have _sex_. That’s just not right. This is not what he promised himself. Hugo should always come first. He turns his head, shoving his nose into Hugo’s hair and breathing in his smell. He can feel his heartbeat picking up, his breathing turning shallow. The weight of Hugo’s body is the only thing anchoring him at the present.

He hasn’t realised that he’s closed his eyes, and when he opens them he is met with Liam’s frowning face. He looks at Harry questioningly.

”I-” Harry begins in a whisper and licks his lips, hoists Hugo further up his body, ”This is a mistake.”

”What’s a mistake? Leaving him here with me?” Liam looks honestly hurt. ”Mate, you know you can trust me.”

Harry shakes his head. ”No, yes, of course, Liam, of course I trust you.” The words struggle to get out, now, getting stuck deep down in his throat. ”I just - leaving him here, to go…”

Sudden realisation colours Liam’s face and the frown deepens. Hugo starts to twist in Harry’s arms, not oblivious to the fact that something is going on, but Harry urges his head back onto Harry’s shoulder.

”Harry,” says Liam, now with a tone of authority, ”This is insane.”

Harry swallows harshly, tries to focus on the burn in his arms from Hugo’s weight. His son. His son that he leaves to go have sex.

”Fuck’s sake, put him down. He’s not a baby.”

”I-” Harry tries desperately, not releasing the hold on his son. Liam steps closer and takes a hold of Harry’s face and it’s not gentle, it’s uncomfortable and real.

”This is allowed. People do it all the time, do you not realise that? It doesn’t make you a shit parent.”

Hugo gasps and manages to twist his head out of Harry’s hand to stare at Liam. ”You sad a bad word!”

Liam turns to him. ”I did. Because your dad is being a fool.”

”Why?” Hugo turns to look at Harry, studying his face like the answer is written there. Harry feels exposed.

”He thinks that he’s a shit daddy-” (Hugo gasps again) ”- because he’s leaving you here to have a fun day with me, and he wants to have some fun of his own while you’re here.”

Hugo frowns deeply, looking like he's deep in thought for a moment, playing with the zipper on Harry’s jacket. ”It’s okay for you to have fun, too, daddy.”

”See?” Liam says happily, ”Even your son says it’s okay!” He reaches out and pulls Hugo out of Harry’s arms, placing him down on the floor. ”Now, go! You’re taking up our precious time for fun.”

Harry feels like… well, he can’t really sort his feelings out. It feels a lot like being kicked at while already down. There’s a bit of relief in there as well, along with some nice thick residue of anxiety. He finds himself unable to move, his gaze flicking between Liam and Hugo. Liam sighs.

”Hugo, hug your dad and tell him to leave, please.”

Hugo throws his arms around Harry’s waist for a quick hug and then dutifully tells Harry, ”Bye daddy, see you tomorrow.”

So Harry hasn’t really got a choice but to leave, really. But he doesn’t get on his bike, not yet. He needs a moment to just… be. There’s a bench near the bike rack and he sits down, takes off his own backpack. He zips it open and starts taking the things out.

A list of things Harry packed for his night of sex:

  * ****The condoms
  * ****The lube
  * ****Toothbrush
  * ****Toothpaste (Niall probably has toothpaste that he can borrow, but you never know)
  * ****Phone charger
  * ****Pants
  * ****Socks
  * ****Tee shirt
  * ****A half eaten packet of Digestive’s



The biscuits were a bit of an impulse thing. Harry looks at the items placed out on the bench. He doesn’t think he’s forgotten anything. One by one, he puts the items back in the bag. He still tries not to look to long at the condoms and the lube. The mere sight of them threatens to speed up his heartbeat. Those, he throws back in. By the end of his repacking he feels calmer, more okay. It’s like Liam said, people do this all the time.

He can do this. He can. Harry gets up on his bike and then he bikes all the way to Niall.

By the time he reaches Niall’s flat and locks his bike, his anxiety has calmed down and retreated back into the corner of his mind where it resides and his nerves has once more taken center stage. It is with a flurry of butterflies in his tummy that he presses his thumb to Niall’s doorbell. He wipes his palms on his thighs.

Niall opens the door. For a moment, they just stand there, simply looking at each other. Niall looks stunning, but when does he not? He looks comfortable, dressed in his light blue denim jeans and the short sleeved shirt with blue and yellow stripes that he wore when they went to Crystal Palace and Harry is suddenly hit with the feeling of time moving too fast and too slowly at the same time. He is also hit with a feeling of intense desire. The way Niall is looking at him, with what can only be described as hunger, makes Harry all hot from the inside and out.

This is going to happen. Harry can’t wait any longer.

He steps inside the flat, closing the door behind him. Steps into Niall’s zone, close, close, pressing himself up against him. Niall kisses him. It’s the most wonderful welcome Harry has ever received. Niall kisses his mouth, his cheek, his temple, his ear, his neck. Retreats back to his mouth, kisses it slowly, slower, until he’s simply resting his mouth where Harry’s is. His hands are in Harry’s hair, combing it through, caressing his neck.

”Hi,” he murmurs against Harry’s lips and Harry can feel the movement, can feel the way Niall’s lips form the word. He repeats the word back, letting Niall experience the feeling. Niall smiles.

”I need you,” he murmurs, somehow making those words sound so innocent and pure. ”Is that okay?”

”Yeah,” Harry breathes out, suddenly lightheaded with the feeling of being wanted. Niall kisses him again, still slowly, and it feels romantic in a way that Harry has never encountered before. It doesn’t feel forced, it doesn’t feel fake. Niall’s hands leave Harry’s hair, instead looping around the straps of his backpack and pushing it off his shoulders. Harry lets it drop down onto the floor. Niall’s hands move to the zipper of Harry’s jacket, pulling it down and pushing the clothing off Harrys shoulder and arms. Harry shakes the sleeves off his hands and it joins the backpack.

”Hang on,” he says against Niall’s lips, and quickly bends down to untie his Vans. He stands up straight and steps out of them, placing a hand on Niall’s shoulder for support. Niall watches him with a gentle smile in his eyes.

”Come,” he says and with a soft flick of his head, signals for Harry to follow. Harry grabs his bag from the floor and does what he’s told. Niall leads him into the bedroom.

They kiss. They kiss. They kiss.

By the foot of Niall’s bed, hands touching everywhere, they kiss. Niall, with his hands on Harry’s waist, turns them sideways until he can sit down on the mattress, pulling Harry down with him. Harry goes willingly, straddling Niall’s legs. Niall mouths at the skin revealed where Harry has left buttons on his shirt unbuttoned, his hands on Harry’s back, fingertips digging into the skin. Harry feels so alive.

He grabs his shirt and pulls it over his head, putting himself on display and Niall wastes no time, kissing all the skin Harry has revealed to him. It’s unreal, almost. Here is Niall, unbelievably hot and funny and kind Niall, treating Harry’s body like it is the most wonderful thing, like it is everything he craves at this moment. His hands find rest at Harry’s bum and draws him in closer, aligning their cocks and Harry draws in a sharp breath. Niall is rock hard under him and it is because of _Harry._ Because of Harry’s body and Harry’s touch.

Harry pushes Niall’s upper body down onto the bed and kisses him. Shuffles back a little, pushes Niall’s shirt up and kisses over his chest. Nuzzles into his chest hair and licks over his nipples. Niall’s breathing is fast, his hands tangled in Harry’s curls. Harry shuffles back even more, but has forgotten that Niall’s legs are hanging off the bed and that there therefore is nothing to shuffle back on. He falls backwards onto the floor, landing harshly on his bum. Ouch.

Niall’s face appears above him and he is very clearly trying his hardest to suppress a smile. ”You okay, pet?”

Harry makes a big show of getting up from the floor, groaning just enough so Niall will realise that it did hurt, but not too bad. He flops himself down onto the bed, further up and closer to the headboard. Niall scoots up to join him. Harry turns onto his side, presenting his bum to Niall.

”Hurts. Might help if you kiss it better.”

Niall chuckles behind him and then one hand comes to rest on his bum, caressing it in big circles. ”I’d love to. Bit hard, though, since you’re still in your trousers.”

Harry turns again so he’s on his back and unbuttons his trousers with Niall watching. Once he’s got the zipper down, Niall pulls them down his legs. Harry shakes them off his feet in a final go, sending them across the room. And now, Harry lies on the bed in only his pants, with Niall standing on his knees, fully clothed next to him. Not for the first time today, Harry feels exposed. This is a wonderful kind of exposed, though, with Niall’s lustful eyes on him.

”I mean,” Niall sighs and throws his ams out in a hopeless manner, ”Your _body_.”

Harry’s body soaks up the praise, like a flower soaking up water, gleefully showering in Niall’s kind words. Niall puts a hand on Harry’s tummy, stroking with his entire palm over where the butterflies flutter and Harry, who has been well aware of the physique he has lost over the last five years, has never felt more beautiful.

”Kiss me. Please.”

”Thought you wanted me to kiss your arse,” Niall says with a wink, his hand drifting over Harry’s hip, so close to his achingly hard cock but not close enough, down between his thighs and squeezing in under his thigh, just below his bum.

”Yeah, okay,” Harry breathes out and flips over on his stomach. Niall’s both hands come to rest on his cheeks, kneading softly before hooking into the lining and pulling his pants down. Off the pants go, and there lies Harry - naked, all for Niall.

Harry could probably cum from this alone.

Niall’s lips meet his left cheek first. Soft, barely there kisses, peppered all over his cheek. He moves on to the right, the kisses becoming heavier, wetter and open mouthed. Harry’s bare cock is trapped under his body and aching, aching even more from the feeling of Niall’s mouth. Niall replaces his mouth with his hands, kneading and spreading the cheeks. Harry is slowly going insane. He pushes up into Niall’s hands, lifting his hips slightly off the mattress and moans into the pillow at the feeling of his cock getting more freedom. One of Niall’s fingers slips in between his cheeks, lightly grazing the rim of his hole. Harry whines. Niall keeps his finger there, teasing, while kissing his way up Harry’s spine until he reaches his head and whispers in his ear, ”Where’s the lube?”

”Backpack.” Harry throws a hand out in the direction he hopes is right. Niall disappears and Harry turns over on his back. Sees Niall on the floor, digging through the contents of Harry’s bag. He holds up the biscuits.

”Digestives? D’you think I don’t have food?”

Harry snickers and shrugs his shoulders. Niall continues his rummaging and then exclaims an ”aha!” before holding up his findings in triumph. Throws them on the bed before standing up and slipping his shirt off. He unbuttons his jeans and pushes them down, quickly following with his pants. His hair is tousled from Harry’s treatment. Niall, standing naked by the bed, looking at Harry with a predatory lust is a most magnificent sight. Harry allows himself a short moment to bask in all the glory before opening his arms in an inviting embrace and spreading his legs.

”How do you think you’re gonna fuck me from over there?”

”Christ,” Niall laughs and climbs onto the bed, crawling into the V of Harry’s inviting thighs. He picks up the lube and turns it over in his hand, reading the label before squirting some on his fingers. He rubs his fingers together and looks Harry in the eye with a smile. His other hand rubs the inside of Harry’s thigh soothingly and it’s about to happen. It’s about to happen.

”Raise your legs.”

Harry does as told, planting his feet on the mattress and giving Niall access. He takes a deep breath. ”Just so you know,” he licks his lips, ”it’s been a while, so if you could go easy on me, that’d be great.”

”Wasn’t planning on anything else,” Niall promises and then one of his lubed up fingers makes contact. He pushes in carefully and Harry closes his eyes, folds his hands on his stomach and breathes out slowly. A delicate kiss is placed on the inside of his left knee. It is happening. Niall moves, coming up along Harry’s body, kissing it on his way until he reaches Harry’s face. Harry blindly unfolds his hands and sneaks one of his arms around Niall’s body, holding him close. Doesn’t dare opening his eyes, not yet.

They kiss. Niall fucks him slowly with his finger and they kiss, they kiss.

Niall pulls his finger out almost all the way, only the fingertip left inside Harry, and inserts a second one. The stretch is noticeable, but not too bad. Niall doesn’t move his fingers further in, though, keeping them still.

”I know I asked you to go easy,” Harry says into Niall’s mouth, ”but I’m not made of glass.”

”I’m not so sure about that,” comes the whispered response that Harry barely hears, but Niall slowly pushes both fingers in. Harry forces his body to relax and accept the intrusion, exhaling into Niall’s mouth. The addition of a third of Niall’s fingers - gorgeous, gorgeous fingers - has Harry choking on a breath, his eyes flying open. Niall stops his movements, both his hand and his mouth. He looks at Harry with concern.

But it doesn’t hurt. Harry feels _full_. And he needs Niall’s gorgeous cock inside of him at this moment, needs it more than he’s ever needed anything in his life. He exhales shakily and pushes down on Niall’s fingers, feeling them slip in a little further and moans up toward the ceiling. Niall’s concern is wiped off his face and is replaced by wonder.

”I need-” Harry gasps when Niall twists his fingers, ”I need you.”

Niall scoots down a little and lowers his head, taking Harry’s left nipple into his mouth and sucking. He twists his fingers again, at the same time as he pumps them in and back out again. He increases the speed and it’s intense, so intense and the added touch of Niall’s tongue flicking over his nipple is almost too much. Harry’s legs start to shake. He gasps and every gasp turns into a moan. Niall is ruining him. Harry is melting into a puddle and it is all Niall’s doing.

”Please,” Harry moans. His cock aches terribly without a single touch and he is so frustratingly hard and he needs everything and he needs it now.

Niall releases his nipple and stills his hand. Looks up at Harry and he is the most beautiful sight Harry has ever seen.

”Okay.” Niall eases his fingers out of Harry and the loss and emptiness is so terrible that Harry has to force down a sob. Niall opens the packet of condoms, taking one out and ripping it open. He rolls it onto himself, squeezing briefly at the base. Squirts some lube on his cock and some more on his fingers, that he smears around where Harry needs him. When he deems himself finished with his preparations, he shuffles until he’s between Harry’s still trembling legs. He places both hands on Harry’s knees.

”Like this?”

”I don’t care, anything.” Harry knows he sounds desperate, knows he should be embarrassed, but can’t find it in himself to be so. Niall kisses his right knee and mumbles an ”alright” against his skin. He reaches across Harry and grabs the pillow Harry isn’t using, tapping at Harry’s hip with his other hand.

”Lift.”

Harry does so and Niall slides the pillow in under his bum. And now. This is it. With one hand on Harry’s thigh and the other on his cock, Niall positions himself. And eases past the rim. Slowly he pushes inside until he’s all the way in. Harry can’t breathe. He’s forgotten how. Niall has completely taken his breath away. He’s so full, filled to the brink with Niall and it is so much more spectacular than he could ever imagine.

Niall breathes out slowly and rubs Harry’s tummy. ”Alright?”

Harry nods, because he’s lost his voice, too. Niall draws out, almost all the way, and pushes back in, a bit more force this time and Harry moans loudly, too loud. Niall does it again, harder still, and - _there_. Harry gasps, his hands flying up into his hair and pulling hard. He meets Niall’s wide eyes that are staring back at him with fire and Niall does it again and again and again, keeping Harry hostage with his eyes as he pulls his soul out of him. It’s too much. Niall is too much.

Harry reaches out, grasps at Niall’s bicep and pulls him forward so he can kiss him. The angle changes, but now Harry’s cock is trapped between their bellies and Niall’s thrusting creates the most satisfying friction. Harry locks his legs around Niall’s waist. Niall moans into Harry’s mouth and Harry moans into Niall’s mouth and Niall’s hands are in Harry’s hair, on his chest, grabbing at his ribs. Extraordinary. And then everything tightens and Harry cums and it is the most astonishing thing to have ever happened. He gasps into Niall’s mouth and cums between their stomachs and Harry might be crying, it feels like it. Niall thrusts into him a few more times and then stills with a low groan. Harry can feel his cock pulsating inside of him and it is glorious.

Stillness. Heaving chests; Niall a heavy but comfortable weight on Harry’s chest, his head buried in Harry’s neck; Harry’s furiously beating heart; Niall’s fingers in his hair. The cum between their bodies is warm and sticky. Harry looks up at the ceiling and blinks away the wetness that has formed in his eyes. Niall lifts his head and then the hand leaves his hair, instead moving to his face to catch a lone tear that rolls down towards his temple.

”You okay?” Niall’s whisper is hoarse.

”Yeah,” Harry breathes out and turns his head, his nose bumping into Niall’s. ”But I think you’ve ruined me.”

Niall breathes out a laugh. ”Your were amazing,” he mumbles, ”looked amazing, sounded amazing, _felt_ amazing.” He punctuates the word with a light thrust of his hips, causing his slowly softening cock to move inside Harry. Harry sighs at the sensation and swirls his hips slightly, not ready yet to let go of this feeling. Niall kisses him on the nose and slips out, leaving behind an immeasurable emptiness.

”Wanna take a bath?”

Harry sits down on the closed toilet lid while Niall fills the bath. He doesn’t have any bubbles, but that’s fine. As the bath fills, Niall moves in front of Harry. Harry cranes his head and puckers his lips and Niall fulfills his wish. They kiss until the bath is ready and Harry wishes he could spend every waked hour like this, just lazily kissing the most wonderful man on earth after a mind shattering orgasm.

Niall invites Harry to step into the bath first. Harry scoots up against one of the edges and spreads his legs in an invitation. Niall climbs in and places himself between Harry’s legs, the water sloshing over the edges as he does it. He rests his back against Harry’s chest, letting his head roll onto Harry’s shoulder. Harry wraps his arms around him and leans his head back against the wall behind him, closes his eyes. The warm water is soothing on the dull ache that was beginning to take shape in his arse.

”Should’ve brought some music,” Niall says.

Harry hums. ”This is fine, too."

Niall begins painting patterns on Harry’s arm. Harry opens his eyes and sees him tracing the outline of his mermaid, following the lines of the tail and the shape of her breasts. Moves on to the anatomical heart and Hugo’s name written beside it, down to the anchor and back up, to the Bible and further up to the ship. It’s beautiful, watching Niall take in the artwork Harry has made part of himself.

”Do you have any more I haven’t seen?”

”Where do you think I’d hide them?” Harry snorts, but lifts his right foot out of the water, showing him the fading ’big’ written on his big toe.

”That’s so stupid,” Niall laughs and intertwines his fingers with Harry’s on his chest. Harry places a kiss in his hair.

”Most of them are.” He leans his head on Niall’s and closes his eyes. Here he is, in the bath holing Niall. It’s so beautiful.

”So,” says Niall with hesitation after a moment of quiet companionship, ”when you said it’s ’been a while’… how long?” He plays with Harry’s fingers.

”Well,” Harry sighs, ”not since Hugo was born.”

Niall stills his hands. ”What?” He turns his head, ” _Really_ _?_ ”

Harry leans his head against the tiled wall once more. Fixes his eyes on the shower curtain. It’s got palm trees on it. Very tacky, he thinks.

”I’ve just been too busy. I’ve told you.”

”Yeah, but… _five years_.” Niall shakes his head in disbelief. ”I’m glad you didn’t tell me earlier. It’d make me too nervous, probably.”

”What?” Harry laughs. ”Why would it make you nervous?”

”Well, I’d need to blow your mind, show you what you’ve been missing.”

”You did.” He pulls one of his hands from Niall’s grasp and moves it to Niall’s hair, combing through it. ”But I don’t think I’ve missed out, can’t imagine anyone else… shattering me like that.”

Niall twists his head further. It must be uncomfortable, looking back and up like that, but their eyes meet. Unreal. It’s unreal, it is, laying here with beautiful, wonderful _Niall,_ who looks at him with warmth. Harry swipes the hair away from Niall’s forehead, scratching his nails on his scalp and Niall’s face relaxes, his eyes falling shut. Harry’s heart feels like it grows three sizes in his chest, making it hard to breathe in a very unusual way. He kisses Niall’s forehead, overcome with a sudden urge to devour him completely. His hand grasped between Niall’s frees itself to press against Niall’s chest, to feel his heart hiding there. His own heart is filling up with words he can’t distinguish, too jumbled and chaotic. Overwhelming. He wants to say something. Giving up on trying to make sense of the chaos in his heart, he searches his mind. Settles for a quiet ”thank you” against Niall’s forehead.

Niall, to Harry’s surprise and also little annoyance, lifts his head and pushes Harry’s hand from his chest. But then he turns around on his stomach, the water spilling forcefully over the edge of the tub, and kisses Harry with an unmatched intensity. Harry wraps his arms around Niall’s waist, pressing their bodies together. He can’t get enough. Their legs are tangled, their chests are aligned and their breaths shared but Harry needs more. He grips Niall’s bum in both hands, stroking and groping at it. It’s so smooth, so tight. He can feel himself getting hard again and pushes Niall upward, gasping into Niall’s mouth at the slight friction. And now he feels Niall’s cock, too, hardening against his hip.

”This is incredible,” Niall says into Harry’s mouth, ”but I absolutely refuse to bathe in water with our spunk.”

Harry laughs loudly and kisses him again. Niall places his hands on the edges of the bath, lifting himself up and untangling his legs from Harry’s. He stands up and is about to get out when Harry stops him. Because here he lies in the bath with Niall standing in front of him, dripping with his cock hard. Harry scoots forward and puts his hands on the back of Niall’s knees. Slides them down his calves and up again, up his thighs until they reach his bum and then down again. Puts his mouth to the wet skin on his beautiful thigh. He can’t reach Niall’s cock with his mouth like this, sitting on his bum, so the thigh will have to do. His hand, though, can reach Niall’s cock. He moves his hand up Niall’s thigh, up, up, until he can cup his balls. Above him, Niall moans and puts his hand to the wall for support.

”Christ,” Niall exhales and puts his free hand in Harry’s hair. ”You’re a menace.”

Harry is too busy feeling the hairs on Niall’s thigh with his lips to respond. He lets go of Niall’s balls, instead moving his hand to Niall’s hip so he can steady him, while he lifts up Niall’s leg with his other hand, placing Niall’s foot on his own thigh. Like this, he has easier access to the long scar on Niall’s knee. He puts his tongue flat to the bottom of it and licks a stripe along it all the way to the top. Then he kisses it all the way down again.

”Okay, enough.” Niall’s voice is shaky as he pulls his leg out of Harry’s grasp. How rude. Harry looks up at him, willing his face to convey the disappointment he feels. ”Get up, I need to ravish you.” Niall steps out of the bathtub and Harry stands up, no longer disappointed.

Niall gets himself a towel from the rack, and then opens a cupboard and takes one out that he hands to Harry. Harry steps out and throws it on the floor in front of Niall and sinks down with his knees on the towel.

”Fuck,” says Niall, and then Harry takes his cock into his mouth. Swirls his tongue around the head and sucks. Niall’s cock tastes a bit of latex from the condom, still, but Harry can taste _Niall_ as well and it makes him light headed. He moves to Niall’s balls, sucking one of them gently into his mouth and Niall sways above him. Harry puts his hands on Niall’s hips to steady him and licks up the length of Niall’s cock. He sucks it back into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and taking in more of him until he can feel the tip of Niall at the back of his throat. Niall has one hand in Harry’s hair and moves it down to caress his face. Harry leans into the touch and Niall moves his hand to Harry’s cheek, feeling the outline of himself.

”Harry-” Niall begins, but is cut off by a moan when Harry dips his tongue into the slit. ”I’m gonna cum.”

Harry grips his hips with both hands again, holding him in place and then Niall cums into his mouth. Harry lets it fill up on his tongue before swallowing. Keeps him in his mouth for a short extra moment and then pulls off and sits back on his heels. He closes his eyes and licks his lips. Niall’s taste lingers on his tongue. His own cock twitches painfully not for the first time this afternoon. It’s unbelievable. He can’t believe this is his life, today.

”You’re fucking incredible,” Niall says breathlessly and joins him on the floor, sitting down in front of him. He kisses Harry and Harry kisses him back. He’s not the incredible one. Niall is.

”Can I repay the favour?”

”I’m not gonna last.”

”Alright.” Niall wraps his hand around Harry and pulls the foreskin back and Harry cums at once with a shuddering moan, covering Niall’s hand and his own belly. He tips his head forward to rest on Niall’s shoulder. A shiver runs down his spine. His mind feels empty. Niall strokes his back and scratches lightly at it with his fingernails. This is heaven. They sit like this until both of them start to shiver, and Harry remembers that they never did dry off. He lifts his head from Niall’s shoulder and meet Niall’s eye and they smile at each other.

After cleaning cum off himself for the second time today and drying off, Harry joins Niall in the bedroom. Niall has carried his record player in there and set up the speakers on the windowsill. The afternoon sun shines in through the window, bathing the room in yellow light. Niall lies naked on the bed, fiddling with his phone. He points to the crate of records he put on the floor. ”Pick something.”

Harry rummages through them and settles on _Astral Weeks_. Niall hums appreciatively when he puts the needle to the record and the music starts. He puts his phone away and welcomes Harry with open arms when Harry climbs onto the bed. He heads straight for Niall’s arms, slotting his body against Niall’s and resting his head on Niall’s chest. Niall puts his arms around him and Harry closes his eyes. They listen to the whole A side like that and Harry’s heart is still full of those undistinguishable words. It’s fine, though, so very fine with his head resting over Niall’s heart like this.

When the music stops, Niall untangles himself from Harry to flip the record over. Harry moves himself so he can watch Niall’s bum when he bends over. Niall turns his head, like he can feel Harry ogling him, and winks at Harry.

”Enjoying the view?” He crawls over to Harry, straight arms supporting his weight as he hovers above him. Harry moves his hands to Niall’s sides, feeling the outline of his ribs with his fingertips. Niall lays down beside him, moving his face close and they kiss. Lazily, just nipping at each other’s lips. Harry will never listen to this album in the same way again.


	13. CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Harry and Niall are in the kitchen. They are making pasta carbonara. Naked. Niall pulled down the blinds in the kitchen window to stop any potential eyes from seeing them and now they are cooking dinner together, naked. Well, Niall is wearing an apron to stop the fat from the bacon he is frying from burning his skin. Harry has spent more time kissing the skin on his shoulders and caressing the swell of his arse than any actual cooking. Niall had produced a bottle of white wine and Harry is pleasantly buzzed, swaying to the tones of the Nina Simone album they put on low in the background. His phone rings. It’s Liam.

”Hi, Liam,” Harry says into the phone and sits down at the kitchen table, pulling one of his legs up against his chest.

”Hi daddy, it’s Hugo.”

”Hi, Hugs.” Harry feels the big smile forming on his lips at the sound of his boy. Niall smiles at him from the cooker. ”How are you?”

”I’m going to bed and Uncle Liam said I should call and say goodnight.”

”That’s very nice thought of him. Have you had a nice day?”

”Yeah!” Hugo exclaims. ”We met so many puppies in the park! One of them licked my face,” he giggles.

”That’s nice. What’d you have for dinner?”

A short pause. ”Uncle Liam said I can’t tell you.”

Harry rolls his eyes. ”Did you have McDonald’s?”

Hugo squeals on the other end of the line. ”Yes! How did you know, daddy?”

”What, did you forget I know everything, Hugs?”

A muffled voice can be heard and Hugo disappears for a moment before he returns. ”Uncle Liam says I have to ask you if you’re having a good time.”

”I’m having a very good time,” Harry says and smiles at Niall, who’s watching him now, leaning against the counter with his hip, "Thank you for asking.”

The muffled voice again and then Hugo retells what Harry said, at a distance from the phone. He returns with, ”Uncle Liam says that he is proud of you,” and sounds mildly confused.

Harry sighs, but a warm feeling is forming in his chest. ”Tell him ’thank you’ from me. Are you being good for him?”

”Yeah, I’ve been so good!”

Harry laughs. ”I don’t doubt it.” He smiles. ”I miss you and I love you very much.”

They say goodnight and Harry hangs up. Niall walks up to him and Harry drops his leg back down onto the floor in an invitation. Niall takes him up on the unspoken offer and straddles his lap.

”I know I say it a lot, but you’re such a great dad. It’s so fucking attractive.”

”Yeah?” Harry moves his hands to Niall’s naked arse, rubbing his fingertips over the smooth skin.

”It’s not like a fetish or anything,” Niall defends, to which Harry chuckles.

”If you say so.”

Niall flicks him on the nose. ”Stop being so cheeky.”

They eat the carbonara at the table, still naked. Niall has taken off the apron and they sit next to each other, Harry with his legs in Niall’s lap. The carbonara is only okay, because they forgot about the spaghetti for a while when they were kissing after Harry’s phone call, but it’s fine. In all ways other than taste, this is the best carbonara Harry has ever eaten. Niall has his free hand on Harry’s legs, inspecting the small words tattooed on his knees.

”- And then he had to climb in through the window,” Niall finishes his story about that time his dad got locked out and takes a sip of his wine. He looks at Harry. ”Wanna go back to bed?”

They go back to bed, taking the wine with them. Niall picks the music this time, choosing _Rubber Soul_. Harry pours them more wine into their glasses and sits down with his back resting against the headboard. He shivers a little and sees little goosebumps forming on his forearms.

”Hate to be the one to say this, but I’m getting a bit cold.”

Niall flips down the lid on the record player and climbs onto the bed. He pulls the duvet back. ”Get in then, you’re not allowed to put on clothes.”

Harry laughs and does as told. Niall joins him and Harry hands him his glass. They drink wine and talk and listen to The Beatles and touch each other during the covers. Harry’s hand sometimes trace patterns on the inside of Niall’s thigh, sometimes dips into his bellybutton, sometimes rubs at his hip and sometimes tickles the back of his knee. And then they finish the wine and their words die out and Niall gets up briefly to flip the record and when he climbs back inside their cocoon, Harry captures his mouth. He’s more than buzzed now, his head warm and his heart filled with giddy affection for Niall. Harry has an inkling as to what the undistinguishable words in his heart might say, but the thought of that is overpowering and scary so he chooses to instead to focus on Niall’s body. Niall is on his hands and knees above him, not touching Harry’s body whatsoever apart from his mouth, and him being so close and yet so far away is driving Harry insane. He has his hands on Niall’s body, everywhere he can reach, exploring and squeezing. But every time he gets even close to Niall’s cock, Niall moves his hips and his cock out of the way. Truly driving Harry insane. And then, and then-

Niall lowers his body, slotting himself against Harry and aligning their hips. Harry melts into the mattress. Niall’s cock rubs against Harry’s but it’s dry and almost uncomfortable and Harry needs more. He grips his arm tightly around Niall’s waist and flips them, putting himself on top. The duvet slips off in the process. Niall’s mouth falls open in surprise and he breathes out a laugh, looking up at Harry like he can’t believe his eyes. Harry’s heartbeats chant Niall’s name.

He reaches for the lube on the nightstand and shuffles himself into a position much like the one they were in earlier today - except now it is him that sits between Niall’s legs. Niall looks on attentively as Harry drizzles lube on both their cocks. Smears it around his own first, feels himself regain some of his sanity, and then Niall’s. He gives Niall’s cock some extra attention, not settling for just smearing the lube over it. Covers his balls as well and wanks him a few times and Niall’s thighs tense up and he moans, stretching his neck out. Harry feels it is very much for him, so he climbs onto Niall and puts his mouth to the offered skin. Their cocks are aligned again, now. Niall wraps his legs around Harry and Harry squeezes his lubed up hand in between their bellies and wraps it around both of their cocks. He thrusts forward and they both moan. Harry does it again and again and again. Alternates the force behind his thrusts, sometimes barely moving and creating the most minuscule friction, sometimes thrusting harder and feeling their cocks sliding against each other. The constant change of pace has Niall writhing under him and he clutches tightly at Harry’s back.

Niall cums first, shooting warmth between their bellies and covering Harry’s already sticky hand. Harry thrusts a few more times and cums, his body sagging against Niall’s. Niall lifts Harry’s head from the home he has made himself in Niall’s neck and kisses him. Harry moves and slips off Niall, instead laying down beside him. He’s panting like he’s just run a marathon and closes his eyes, focuses on the feeling in his body.

”That was-” Niall begins and then laughs breathlessly, ”Thank you.” From the speakers, ’In My Life’ starts playing. Lennon sings ”Of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you” and- a monumental shift happens in the structure of the universe. Niall has to feel it, too. It is simply impossible that this enormous change in the universe, that hits Harry forcefully in the chest and leaves him breathless is undetectable to Niall. Harry is unable to turn his head to look at him. His belly and his hand are sticky with their combined cum and his heart is filled with unspoken words that he no longer dares attempting to read. Beside him, Niall moves. He sits up and leaves the bed, leaves the room. Harry hears him in the bathroom, turning the taps on. He comes back after a moment and climbs back onto the bed, crawls over to Harry and straddles his thighs. The cum has been cleaned from his body and he has a wet towel in his hand.

”You alright, pet?” He starts wiping at Harry’s belly, meticulously cleaning his skin. Then he moves to Harry’s cock, that lies slack and tired against his thigh. He cleans it carefully and lastly shifts his attention to Harry’s hand. He lifts it gently and cleans the mixture of lube and cum from his fingers. Once they’re clean, Harry grips Niall’s fingers with his own. He can’t find any words to speak, so instead he pulls Niall toward him, crushing him against his chest in a needy hug. Niall goes willingly and puts his head on Harry’s chest. He can probably hear Harry’s heart shouting out his name.

Once the B side of _Rubber Soul_ has come to an end and quiet fills the room, Niall forces himself out of Harry’s grip. Places one single kiss to his lips and forces Harry to look into his eyes. They call out Harry’s name.

”Let’s watch a movie,” says Niall and gets off the bed. He pulls Harry into a sitting position. ”And maybe put on some clothes.”

They get dressed. Niall hands Harry clothes that are not Harry’s. So Harry dresses in Niall’s tight pants, soft flannel pyjama bottoms and a long sleeved vintage Eagles tee shirt. He dresses quicker than Niall and kisses him once he’s dressed, causing Niall trouble getting his jogging bottoms on and laughing into Harry’s mouth. When Niall picks out a top for himself to wear, Harry stops him. Scans the floor quickly and finds the shirt he wore when he arrived. It’s not as comfortable as the very soft looking tee shirt Niall holds in his hand, but Niall takes it anyway. It drowns him a little. Harry’s shoulders are broader, and the material falls over Niall’s shoulders. It will never look as good on Harry as it does on Niall.

”Yes. Good,” says Harry and kisses Niall again.

They go into the kitchen where Niall makes them tea and rummages through his cupboards until he finds some microwave popcorn. He waves the packet excitedly in Harry’s direction before placing it in the microwave. Harry’s wine filled belly could surely use some popcorn. He carries the mugs of tea and Niall carries the popcorn and they settle on the sofa. Niall turns on Netflix and they watch _The 40-Year-Old Virgin_ because it’s one of Niall’s favourites. Harry has seen it before and is not a big fan, but Niall laughs loudly beside him and it’s totally fine. Harry’s belly fills with tea and popcorn and he never wants this day to end.

It has to, though. Harry’s body is tired from the three orgasms Niall has gotten out of him and tired from the chaos in his heart. They get ready for bed together, brushing their teeth side by side in front of the mirror. Niall’s toothbrush is green and he invites Harry to place his next to Niall’s in the cup on the sink. So Harry puts his pink one in the cup when he’s rinsed it and then he has to take a second to just look. Because it’s the most lovely sight, the two toothbrushes next to each other, and when Harry tears his eyes away from them, he is met with Niall’s smile and glittering eyes.

They strip down to their pants and climb back into bed for what feels like the hundredth time today.

”Will you spoon me?”

”’Course, pet.” Niall smiles at him and opens up his arms.

It’s better than Harry imagined. Being held like this is wonderful, but being held like this by _Niall_ is more wonderful than all the things they have done today. Harry feels Niall’s body pressed against his, feels his hot breath on his neck. He’s engulfed in Niall’s warmth and in his sounds and in his smell. The words in his heart run amok, fighting for attention. Niall places a kiss on Harry’s shoulder. Harry grabs a hold of Niall’s arm around his chest and Niall holds him tighter.

”Goodnight,” Harry says and wants to say more but doesn’t.

”Goodnight, pet,” says Niall and this is how Harry falls asleep in Niall’s arms for the first time.

——

Harry wakes to a hand caressing his tummy. He is on his back and the sun shines in through the window. In a half awake state, he registers Niall beside him and that the hand belongs to him.

”Morning,” says Niall and his voice is raspy with sleep. Harry hums and throws an arm over his eyes to shut out the light. Niall dives in under the duvet, replacing his caressing hand with his mouth. He instead places his hand on Harry’s cock and Harry realises at once that he is hard.

”D’you mind if I suck you off?”

”Uh, n-no,” Harry says and draws in a sharp breath when Niall squeezes his cock gently. Niall hooks his fingers into the lining of Harry’s pants and Harry lifts his hips so Niall can shove them down. The duvet rustles when Niall changes position and rests between Harry’s legs.

Niall tickles the insides of Harry’s thighs, grazing lightly on the underside of his balls and then his tongue is there, licking all the way up to the tip. He pulls the foreskin back and then Harry is engulfed in his mouth. Harry is now wide awake. He throws the duvet off, because Niall absolutely cannot stay hidden, not when he has Harry in his mouth.

And there he is. Resting between Harry’s legs, his own hanging off the end of the bed, bobbing his head on Harry’s cock. The sight is beautiful. Niall when sucking Harry’s cock belongs in an oil painting. He looks up at Harry, letting go of Harry’s thigh to wave at him. Harry laughs but Niall hollows his cheeks, sucks hard and Harry’s laughter turns into a moan. Niall winks at him. And then he does something with his tongue, something amazing, and Harry’s hips involuntarily buck up. Niall makes a choking sound and quickly moves both hands to press Harry’s hips down into the mattress, hard. He glares up at Harry but continues swirling his tongue in that amazing way.

”Sorry, sorry,” Harry breathes out and clenches his fists. Niall continues using his tongue in spectacular ways and keeps his strong hold on Harry’s hips. Harry’s thighs are tense and the burning in the pit of his stomach is wonderful.

When Harry cums, it is with a loud moan that has him throwing his head back and hard into the pillow. Niall licks him clean and kisses his way up to Harry’s face where Harry’s mouth awaits him. Harry kisses him, tasting the salty residue on his tongue, and hugs him close. Niall’s hard cock pushes against Harry’s hip and Harry uses his arm around Niall to hold him closer.

”Are you still sore?” Niall murmurs into Harry’s mouth.

”Don’t think so.”

”Can I be inside you?”

”Yes, please.”

They shuffle around a bit and Harry reaches for the lube that he throws to Niall. He catches it elegantly and Harry claps for him. His skin is tingling and the thought of having Niall inside him again is enough to make his cock twitch, despite having just cum. Niall squirts some lube onto his forefinger and circles it around Harry’s rim. ”Feel okay?”

Harry nods. ”Yeah.”

Niall pushes his finger inside and Harry bites down on his lip at the burn. He is still sore, even though he wished otherwise. Niall tries pumping his finger slowly a few times. Harry winces and squeezes his eyes shut.

”Yeah, no,” says Niall and carefully pulls his finger back out. He kisses Harry’s tummy.

Harry sighs. ”I’m sorry.”

”Don’t be daft,” Niall says simply and wipes his finger on the duvet before laying down next to Harry, on his side so he can watch him. Harry turns his head in Niall’s direction and Niall kisses his nose.

”You can cum in my mouth,” Harry offers, but Niall shakes his head.

”Nah, seeing you in pain killed the mood.” He leans in and kisses Harry on the lips. ”I’m good. Are you hungry?”

They eat breakfast, tea and toast. Sitting at opposite sides of the kitchen table this time, rubbing their bare feet against each other. The sun shining in through the window has also shone inside Harry’s heart, lighting up every corner. The words in there are in the spotlight, dancing around and showcasing themselves. It is very hard to ignore them, but Harry absolutely does not want to pay them any attention. Niall’s hair is still ruffled after his sleep and he looks so soft. It’s so hard to ignore the words.

They have a shower together. It’s a bit tricky in the tub, but they manage. Niall insists on shampooing Harry’s hair. Scratches his nails on Harry’s scalp, kisses his nose. Harry melts under his touch, his knees buckling and he has to grab Niall’s waist for support. They kiss. They touch each other, their soapy hands gliding smoothly over their skin. They kiss some more when they’ve stepped out, standing on the bathroom floor in towels and dripping down onto the tiles.

”I don’t want you to go,” says Niall when Harry puts on his own pants and his own tee shirt. ”I like this bubble we’re in.”

”Me, too.” Harry kisses him.

”I also really like you,” murmurs Niall against Harry’s lips. Harry’s skin tingles and his heart sings loudly. A choir is in there, all singing their loudest, singing Niall’s name. Niall has shown it, has showered Harry in affection, but this is the first time he says it. Harry smiles stupidly into Niall’s mouth and Niall pulls his face back. He’s smiling as well, with his whole face. The words in Harry’s heart chant excitedly, demand Harry’s attention, demand that he reads what they say, demand that he retells their message to Niall.

”I like you, too,” Harry whispers bravely, with his heart beating fast. He knows this is not what the words in his heart say, suspects that they hold a much larger significance, but these ones will have to suffice. They appear to, at least for Niall, whose smile grows even bigger. They kiss some more.

They kiss also when Harry puts on his shoes and his jacket. It makes the whole thing a bit more difficult than it has to be.

”Right, you came on your bike,” Niall says with an air of sudden realisation when Harry picks up his helmet after they have managed to tear themselves from each other. ”You didn’t think that through, did you?”

Harry looks down at the helmet in his hand, clueless for a second. Then it hits him. He groans. ”Fuck!”

”Maybe it’ll be fine,” Niall tries. ”I’ll follow you outside.”

They walk out to Harry’s bike together. Harry unlocks it and hesitates. He stares at the saddle. Niall reaches out to it, pushes down with his fingers.

”Seems soft enough.”

Harry wants to laugh. How could he be this stupid? He sighs and mounts the bike. Sits down slowly and braces himself for the pain. It’s there, a dull ache in his arse. He’ll probably survive the ride home. Hopefully.

Niall chuckles. ”I’m sorry, pet.” He leans in to kiss him. His hand finds its way to the swell of Harry’s bum. He rubs it tenderly. It makes it all okay, almost. Harry lets go of the handlebars with one hand and uses it instead to wrap around Niall’s waist, pulling him close and kissing him. It feels a lot like he’s dragging out the time, attempting to postpone the inevitable parting.

”I’ll see you soon, yeah?” Says Niall eventually. Harry nods and reluctantly lets Niall take a step back. They look at each other. The words in Harry’s heart hammer at the walls, desperate for his attention.

”This is ridiculous,” Niall laughs and steps forward to kiss Harry one more time. ”It shouldn’t be this hard letting you leave.”

Harry can’t open his mouth, can’t speak in fear of what might come out. Niall looks fondlyat him. Harry nods once, and leaves.

The bike ride to Liam’s is a joke. Harry has to stop several times and step off the bike to give his arse a break. Hopefully his bum will get used to the treatment it received yesterday, because otherwise life will be very difficult for Harry. It’s a relief getting off the bike at Liam’s and walking up to his flat.

Liam opens his front door with a big smile. It’s contagious, despite Harry’s efforts, and his own smile stretches his face. And then a boy squeezes past Liam, throwing himself at Harry. Harry picks him up and kisses him wetly on the cheek, leaving a wet spot. Hugo wipes at it with the back of his hand and giggles.

”My baby Hugsie,” Harry coos and hugs him close. ”Are you ready to go home?”

”Yeah.”

”Alright, go get your stuff.” Harry puts him down and Hugo rushes back inside.

”You look freshly fucked,” says Liam appreciatively and gestures to his own face, ”you’ve got that glow.”

”That’s pregnant women, Liam.”

Liam dismisses his comment with a wave of his hand and continues on, ”I take it you had a good time, then?”

”I did,” says Harry and after a brief moment of hesitation, holds up four fingers. Liam sighs dramatically and puts his hand over his heart. He pretends to wipe a tear away.

”I’m so proud.”

It’s ridiculous, but Harry can’t stop smiling.

”What do we say, then?”

”Thank you for making my four orgasms possible, Liam,” Harry smiles brightly. Hugo returns, with his backpack on. He hugs Liam and after a whispered coax from Harry, thanks him very much for letting him sleep over and thank you very much for the fun time.

Harry and Hugo bike home, Harry trying his best to now show his discomfort to Hugo, with Hugo excitedly telling Harry about everything that he and Liam did. At home, Harry unpacks first Hugo’s backpack and then his own. The Eagles shirt lies at the bottom of his bag, and Harry realises that Niall snuck it in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> horansheroes.tumblr.com xx


	14. CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The next time Harry sees Niall is not until next weekend. Niall has been busy with work; they have a new routine, apparently, that they need to work on. Harry hasn’t asked for further information. The whole thing, not seeing each other for almost an entire week after the weekend they had, would normally be enough to make Harry a complete mess of nerves. Niall has been very good, though, at reassuring Harry that this isn’t a made-up excuse to not see him. They have FaceTimed almost every night during Niall’s breaks and Niall has moaned about how unfair it is that he can’t be with Harry. On Wednesday he was especially upset about this, and started listing all the things he would do to Harry if he was there, which was equally as nice as it was unfortunate, since Niall in fact was not there.

On Thursday, Harry and Hugo painted their nails.

”Daddy, I want to paint my nails,” said Hugo when Harry picked him up from school.

”Alright,” said Harry. They took a detour past a Boots on the way home and picked out some colours. Hugo wanted blue nails, because that’s what Lily has. Harry quite liked the yellow colour, so they picked that one as well. And there was a 3 for 2 deal, so they got a pink one as well.

Harry painted Hugo’s nails blue at the kitchen table. When done, and after instructing Hugo to not move until the polish dries, he painted his own in the yellow varnish. The result made it painfully obvious that Harry is no professional, but it still looks good.

Yesterday, Harry and Hugo made plans with Liam and Louis to go play some football in Clapham common. Harry made a very brave and possibly also very stupid decision. He invited Niall. And Niall, because he also is either brave or stupid, said **funnnn , I’m in !** Harry didn’t realise until after Niall’s reply, the implications of having Niall meet his friends. ****

So. Today, Niall is meeting Liam and Louis. Harry half regrets it already. But he and Hugo had made the plans with the lads and then Niall texted and said that he was free to meet up on Saturday and Harry missed him terribly and then he just asked. He hasn’t told anyone, though. He can’t tell Hugo because Hugo would most likely tell Liam and Louis out of excitement and they just cannot know.

Harry and Hugo take the bus to the common, for a change. Harry is a bit apprehensive about going longer distances on bike with Hugo, especially where there’s traffic. This is very fine by Hugo, who’s a big fan of the bus. He insists on them getting up on the upper deck and they do so, with Hugo enchanted by everything they pass on the way.

Louis is already there when they arrive at the place they decided on, near the playground where they have a really big sandbox that Hugo likes. Louis was in charge of bringing the football and he’s kicking it around, showing off cool tricks that Harry never learned how to do. Hugo is mighty impressed and immediately tries to coerce Louis into teaching him.

Liam arrives shortly after Harry and Hugo, just as Harry spreads out the picnic blanket. Harry also brought a cool bag with waters. It’s very hot out today, a lot warmer than usual in the middle of April and the sun is out. Harry and Hugo are even wearing shorts, for the first time this year. The need for cold water will be big, Harry suspects.

They place out Liam’s and Louis’ bags as goalposts and are in the middle of teaming up when it happens. Suddenly, Hugo shouts ”Niall!” and runs off. Harry turns around and there he comes. Wearing shorts and a black tee shirt and thus perfectly dressed for a day of football while somehow managing to also look incredibly hot. He pushes his Ray-Bans into his hair and begins running toward Hugo with a big smile.

”No. Fucking. Way.” Louis slaps Harry on the arm. ”Did you plan this?”

Harry winks at him to cover up how nervous he is and follows Hugo. Niall and Hugo collide just then, Niall bending down just in time to capture Hugo in a hug. Harry’s heart feels too big for his chest at the sight, his Hugo and his Niall happy to see each other. As he nears the two, he hears Hugo eagerly tell Niall to come meet his uncle Liam and uncle Louis.

”Just let me say hi to your daddy first,” says Niall and points to Harry. Hugo turns around.

”Niall is here!”

”I can see that,” Harry smiles and reaches them. Hugo runs off again, probably to get Liam and Louis.

”Hi, pet,” Niall says softly and they embrace. Harry buries his head in Niall’s neck and inhales and Niall grips tightly at Harry’s back.

”I’ve missed you.”

”I’ve missed you, too, so fucking much,” Niall says and places a kiss on Harry’s neck. ”Can’t believe I’m gonna meet your boys, ’m so nervous.”

Harry breathes out a laugh. ”Me, too.” He lifts his head and kisses Niall on the lips, quickly. ”Come.”

Liam and Louis stand awkwardly by their stuff, with an eager Hugo by their side. It seems like it takes forever to walk over to them, and they don’t even try to hide how they stare and Harry and Niall.

”Oh, this is new,” says Niall enthusiastically and reaches down for Harry’s hand as they walk. He inspects the yellow varnish with a smile. ”Looks good, pet.”

Harry smiles stupidly and feels himself blush at the comment, very aware of Liam and Louis’ eyes. As soon as Niall and Harry reach them, Louis offers his hand.

”Louis. _Pleasure_ to meet you,” he introduces himself before adding, ”You’re welcome, by the way.”

Niall’s eyebrows draw together in confusion. ”What for?”

”For him.” Louis points to Harry.

”Right, you’re the reason we met,” Niall laughs. ”It was very inappropriate, but thanks.” He shakes hands with Liam as well and then looks to Harry.

”Okay, let’s play football,” Harry says, very uncomfortable with the way Liam and Louis are observing Niall.

They team up; Hugo insists on being on the same team as Niall and so does Louis, so it’s them against Harry and Liam. Harry has no idea on whether Niall is good at football or not, but it quickly becomes clear that he and Louis should not be on the same team. Harry and Liam don’t stand a chance, even though Niall and Louis make sure to often pass the ball to Hugo. They celebrate every goal with great enthusiasm. After their first goal, Niall and Louis celebrate in a double high five, but when they’ve scored their fourth they’ve already moved on to full on hugs. Harry is not jealous. Well, a little.

Once Niall’s team has scored seven goals and Louis has lifted Hugo high up in the air in celebration, Liam decides that they should switch teams. ”I think it’s my turn to play with Niall,” he says, and so they switch teams. Hugo stays with Niall. Harry is only a little offended.

As it turns out, having Niall and Louis play against one another isn’t proving itself to be that much fun either. The two keep getting into one on one situations, laughing wildly as they snatch the ball from each other. Even Hugo loses interest, and comes up to Harry.

”I’m thirsty.” He takes Harry’s hand. Harry kisses him on the head and they sit down on the blanket. Liam follows their lead, plopping down next to Hugo. Harry hands Hugo his Postman Pat water bottle and throws one to Liam as well, and they sit there and drink their water and watch Niall and Louis who haven’t even noticed that they have left the field.

Harry leans back on his arms and stretches out his legs. He doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s only looking at Niall, watching his bum as he runs, how the fabric of his shorts stretch around it. His arms when he raises them above his head in celebration when he scores.

”He’s fit,” Liam says, and Harry looks at him in the corner of his eye, sees that Liam is observing him with a grin. Harry suppresses a smile, somewhat successfully.

”Yeah.”

As if Niall can tell that he is being watched, his head turns to Harry and he smiles. Harry’s returning smile is automatic and Niall’s smile grows. This leaves him distracted enough for Louis to steal the ball from him. He says something that makes Niall laugh, and then Niall points to the blanket and starts walking over with a big smile. He sits down next to Harry’s outstretched leg and put his hand just above Harry’s knee. It feels infinitely intimate, skin on skin.

Louis joins them on the blanket and it’s crowded now, too crowded. He lifts up Hugo to make room for himself, and places Hugo in his lap.

”Harry, I am _wounded_ you didn’t tell us Niall was coming.”

”And what would you have done if I did?”

Louis says nothing, simply purses his lips. Hugo hands Harry his water bottle and stretches out his hand toward Niall. ”Look!”

Niall leans forward over Harry’s legs to get a better look.

”Very nice,” he compliments. ”Blue is one of my favourite colours.”

Hugo doesn’t bother with replying to this, instead focusing his attention on Harry, much to Niall’s amused bewilderment.

”I need a wee.”

”Alright,” says Harry and stands up. He points to the toilets at the other side of the playground. ”Let’s go.”

Hugo gets up from Louis’ lap. ”I need to wee _now_.” He crosses his legs and Louis quickly shuffles to the side with wide eyes. Harry looks around and then points to some shrubs not too far away.

”Think you can make it over there?”

Hugo looks uncertain.

Harry sighs. ”I can’t wait until your bladder control improves.” Hugo’s face shows no sign of understanding. Harry grabs his backpack and takes out the packet of baby wipes he keeps there. ”Come on.”

Both Harry and Hugo set of toward the bushes, Hugo in a hurried rush and Harry in a jog. The bushes aren’t very thick and don’t provide much cover, at least not enough for Harry if he wished to do his business but Hugo has yet do develop that sense of public decency. The boy even stops at a short distance away from the bushes and begins to pull down his shorts, so Harry lifts him in his armpits and carries him further into the bushes and away from the eyes of their company and the rest of the world. Hugo pushes his shorts down to his knees, and Harry pushes them further down.

”No, aim further away.”

Hugo does as told, and avoids getting wee on his shorts. Harry hands him a wipe when he’s finished, and they exist the bushes.

”Alright, bin it, please,” Harry says and points to a nearby bin. They part, Hugo going to do as told and Harry returning to the blanket.

”Did you make it on time?” Niall asks when Harry sits back down next to him.

”Yeah.” Harry shoves the wipes back into his backpack.

Louis is looking at Hugo, who now is on his way to them. ”You know I don’t like to remark on your parenting, Harry, but his shorts look several sizes too small.”

Harry sighs and looks at Hugo, whose shorts are very tight on his thighs. ”I know, I noticed this morning. He’s grown so much since last summer,” he groans and shoves his head dramatically into Niall’s lap. Niall’s hand instantly finds it way into his hair. ”And now I have to take him shopping and he’s the worst to shop with. He needs to stop growing.”

Hugo sits down on Louis’ lap again.

”Did you hear?” Harry asks him, ”you need to stop growing.”

”Why?”

”You’re getting too big.”

”Yeah, just look at these muscles!” Louis grabs Hugo’s arm. This was a mistake, because now Hugo insists on showing Louis all of his strong muscles. Harry can see the regret in Louis’ eyes.

Niall’s hand in his hair cards through his curls, and Harry adjusts his position a little, making himself more comfortable. He strokes Niall’s bare leg with his hand, deciding not to care that the others can see. His finger traces Niall’s scar.

”How’s the knee?”

”Bit sore, playing football probably wasn’t the best idea. Gonna be painful working tonight.”

”Grab an ice pack,” Harry points to the cool bag. Niall does so, opening it and digging through the water bottles until he finds one that he puts to his knee. Harry replaces Niall’s hand with his own.

”We should wrap it up in something so you don’t get a frostbite,” he says into Niall’s thigh.

Liam takes off his cap and hands it to him, and Harry puts the ice pack inside it before putting it once more to Niall’s knee.

”What’re you doing tonight, then?” Louis asks.

”House call,” Niall says casually, making Harry both uncomfortable and amazed at his tone, ”me and one of the lads are doing a hen do.”

Harry wraps his free arm around himself and tries to make himself invisible. Niall’s hand in his hair combs through his locks in a way that very obviously is meant to be soothing. Harry’s skin itches. He changes his hold on the ice pack.

”Right,” says Louis, his voiced laced with interest. ”Are those events you work at often?”

”More often than I get sent to some lonely bloke’s flat, at least.” Harry can’t see Niall’s face, but he can hear the playful grin on his voice. He turns his head so he can glare at Louis. Louis doesn’t even look ashamed.

”So what do you usually do at a hen do?” Louis asks and Harry sits up quickly, losing his grip on the ice pack in the process.

”Hugs, do you want a snack?” Before Hugo can even respond, Harry reaches for the cool bag and starts rummaging. He can feel confused eyes on him, but he keeps his own down and focused on his task - tries not to think about Niall grinding against some woman. He finds the bag of carrot sticks and closes the cool bag again before handing Hugo the snack, keeping his eyes on his son.

He doesn’t lay back down, stays sitting up with his back to Niall and keeps his eyes on the surroundings. He does put the ice pack back on Niall’s knee, though, keeping it in place with his hand.

”So,” Niall clears his throat. ”Liam, you work at Tesco?”

Thanks to Niall’s effort, the conversation flows in a new direction and Harry relaxes somewhat. He feels Niall moving behind him, and Niall removes the ice pack from Harry’s hand to put it back in the cool bag. Then he scoots closer until he can rest his head on Harry’s shoulder. One of his hands comes to rest on Harry’s ribs, just beneath his armpit and the other on his thigh. Once again Harry is acutely aware of the eyes of their company but Niall squeezes the fingers on his ribs and demands his attention.

**”** Harry, **”** Niall mumbles into Harry’s skin, ”I know my job makes you uncomfortable-”

”It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” Harry interrupts for some unknown reason.

”Yeah, it does,” Niall laughs quietly and places a small kiss on Harry’s neck. ”You don’t think I can see that?”

Harry shrugs and tries his hardest to not look at his friends who are most likely staring at them.

”I get it,” Niall continues softly. ”But we should probably talk about it. Not now, obviously,” he adds with a snicker, ”but later. Yeah?” His hand on Harry’s ribs moves to Harry’s front and stops between Harry’s pecks. Harry has absolutely no desire to talk about the fact that Niall is a stripper but nods despite himself. Niall kisses his tee shirt covered shoulder and his hand on Harrys chest moves around him completely, embracing him. He can surely feel Harry’s fast beating heart under his arm.

”I wanna play more football,” Hugo declares then. ”Can we?”

”I need to rest my knee for a bit, but you can play,” says Niall and detaches himself from Harry. Hugo, Liam and Louis all get up, but Harry doesn’t.

”I’m gonna keep Niall company.”

”How kind of you,” says Louis airily and winks before getting the ball. And so, Harry and Niall are left alone.

Harry moves and places himself next to Niall, turned toward him and close enough that he can lean his head on Niall’s shoulder. Niall lifts Harry’s head and kisses him. It’s their first proper kiss today and Harry has missed Niall’s lips. He puts his hand on Niall’s thigh, sneaking in a little way under his shorts. God, Harry has missed Niall so much. It takes everything he has to not push Niall down onto his back and straddle him. It takes even more than that to not pull Niall into his own lap.

Niall moves from Harry’s mouth to his jaw, peppering tiny kisses there before pulling his head back.

”So… you’re the kind of lad who kisses and tells, huh?”

Harry doesn’t understand.

”Your boys seemed to be very familiar with how many times I made you cum last weekend.” Niall leans back on his hands and tips his head back, looking up at Harry with a playful smile. Harry feels his face grow hot.

”I, uh,” he scratches the back of his neck.

”It’s fine, pet,” Niall muses. ”They even thanked me.”

”Christ.” Harry covers his face with his hands. ”When did they do this?”

”When you and Hugo went for a wee.”

”Did they say anything else?” Harry asks warily and peeks at Niall through his fingers. Niall sits up properly and takes Harry’s hands away from his face, kisses his knuckles. He looks Harry straight in the eye and Harry at once feels like he is drowning.

”They asked me to treat you nicely, and I said that I wasn’t planning on anything else.” He lets the information sink in for a short moment before adding, ”They’re good lads, I like them.”

”I’m very sorry.”

Niall simply smiles at him and kisses him again. The words in Harry’s heart sing loudly, but Harry shoves them deep inside a corner and ignores them. They kiss some more, and then watch the others playing football, sitting close to each other and Harry takes a good photo of Hugo and Liam chasing the ball that he uploads to Instagram.

Eventually, the lads and Hugo grow tired of playing football and Hugo instead insists on going to the playground. So they pack up their stuff and head over there to watch Hugo go down the slide and climb around in the jungle gym.

”You know, Niall, you’re not what I expected,” says Louis. Harry hates where this is headed, but Hugo is high up in the jungle gym and most of his attention is with his son, making sure he’s safe.

”Yeah?”

”Mm, I expected more of a Magic Mike kind of guy.”

Liam nods. ”Yeah, mate.”

Niall laughs. ”Sorry to disappoint.”

”I’m not disappointed,” says Harry and keeps his eyes on Hugo.

”Of course _you’re_ not disappointed,” Louis says, ”and I’m not either.”

”Thank god,” says Niall.

”I’m just saying, I expected more muscle.”

”Niall has muscles,” Harry defends and steps to the side so he can get a better view of Hugo as he climbs.

”Yeah, I go to the gym,” Niall says and Harry sees in the corner of his eye how he in a very ridiculous move starts showing off his biceps to Liam and Louis but this is when Hugo falls and slips down through the space between the railing and the edge of the bridge he stands on, tumbling over and just narrowly stopping himself from falling to the ground by grabbing the ledge with his hands.

Harry is there before Hugo even has the chance to call for him, raising his arms and wrapping them around him. The ground is quite soft, but the bridge is surprisingly high up which would make a fall a bit too unpleasant, Harry thinks. He lowers Hugo to the ground, who looks far too calm in Harry’s opinion.

”I think I wanna go on the swings, instead,” he says, at least. Harry thinks this is a good idea.

They all move to the swings. Hugo tries to convince Louis to push him but Louis manages to turn the tables around and convinces Hugo that this is an excellent opportunity to practice using his legs to gain speed on his own. The grown ups sit down on the ground, on the side and out of the way of the swings. It’s equally painful as it is amusing to watch Hugo struggle. He cannot seem to grasp how to use his legs, and sits there swaying lamely back and forth. In the end, Niall takes pity on him and goes to give him a starting push, then quickly runs back to the others to avoid being manipulated into staying.

It’s going better than Harry had hoped, introducing Niall to his mates. Niall fits in well, immediately understanding Louis’ humour and somehow manages to figure out that Liam is just _that_ dense. Liam and Louis also seem to genuinely like Niall, showing interest and listening attentively to what he says. Watching the three of them feels almost like a dream. Two of the most important people in his life and his Niall. Harry finds himself drifting out of the conversation, instead watching from the sideline. A wonderful and also frightening warmth spreads in his body. Liam shows Niall something on his phone and Louis nudges Harry on the knee with his foot. When Harry looks to him, he smiles. Points his finger to his own chest and then forms a heart with his hands before pointing discreetly to Niall. Harry rolls his eyes but his heartbeat speeds up.

They leave the common when Hugo starts whining and Harry realises that they haven’t had any lunch. He gives Hugo the last of the carrot sticks to snack on until they get home, and invites the others to join them for a late lunch. Louis and Liam accept, but Niall declines, saying that he needs to be at work soon. They part at the other end of the common, closest to the junction and The Grand. Both Liam and Louis bring Niall into big hugs and Louis whispers something in Niall’s ear during their embrace that leaves Niall smiling brightly.

Niall hugs Hugo next, lifting him up in the armpits so he doesn’t have to bend down. It’s the first time he’s done it, Harry notes. Hugo doesn’t seem to mind, wrapping himself around Niall tightly and laughing when Niall pretends to drop him. When Niall turns to Harry, Liam has the very bright idea of saying ”Hey, let’s go look at that cool tree,” to Hugo and pointing to a very normal looking tree. ”Yes, let’s go have a look,” says Louis and together they take Hugo away with them, leaving Harry and Niall alone.

”I’m sorry I have to work,” Niall says and takes Harry in his arms. Harry wraps his arms around him tightly and breathes in the smell of home.

”Please don’t make me go a week again without seeing you,” he says and feels his heart clenching at the thought. Niall shakes his head and squeezes his arms around Harry.

”No, no. My schedule next week won’t be as tight.” He buries his head in Harry’s neck and Harry suddenly feels like crying. He breathes in deeply and moves one of his hands to the back of Niall’s head, keeping it in place. The words in his heart are shouting and Harry quiets them by pressing a kiss to Niall’s hair. Niall lifts his head from Harry’s grasp and kisses him. Small pecks placed on his lips, delicious and filled to the brink with an enormous emotion.

”Thank you for meeting my friends.” The words come out in a whisper against Niall’s mouth.

”Thank you for wanting me to meet them. You’re never meeting mine, by the way. They’ll embarrass me too much.”

Harry chuckles and squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t explain the wetness in them. They kiss one more time and then Niall pulls away from Harry’s lips. One of his hands leave Harry’s waist and instead swipes the hair away from his forehead. Harry opens his eyes, blinking away the wetness and Niall looks so soft.

”I feel very lucky to have met you.”

Niall’s bright and shining honesty never fails to knock Harry off his feet. Harry simply nods, unable to do anything else. Niall smiles like he understands. Kisses Harry once more before saying ”I’ll call you later,” and and squeezes Harry’s waist before walking away in the right direction, throwing up a hand in Liam and Louis’ direction because of course they’ve been watching.

Harry walks over to them. They look very innocent, looking closely at the bark of the tree and pointing out patterns to Hugo who looks mildly interested. When Harry reaches them, he throws one arm around Liam and the other around Louis and pulls them to him. He hugs them close. They both wrap their arms around his middle and Harry closes his eyes. He says nothing, but they know what he means to convey.

”He’s quite lovely,” Louis says into Harry’s tee shirt.

”Very funny,” says Liam and nods into Harry’s shoulder, ”gorgeous smile.”

Harry hugs them closer.


	15. CHAPTER FIFTEEN

”If you want, I can come over tonight after work,” says Niall.

”Yeah,” Harry smiles into the phone.

It’s morning and Harry has just woken up. He hasn’t pulled up his blinds yet, but he can hear the rain drumming on the window. Instead of getting up straight away, he called Niall and woke him up. He dreads getting Hugo to school. His son refuses to bike in the rain which Harry understands completely, but it means dressing up in raincoats and wellies and leaving earlier so they can make it on time. Harry is not looking forward to it. Niall yawns in his ear.

”I should probably talk to Hugo.”

”About what?”

Harry exhales nervously. What he is about to say now feels like a massive step, bigger even than having Niall meet Liam and Louis three days ago.

”I, ah, I want to be able to kiss you here, at home.”

”You’ve kissed me at home,” Niall says, clearly not understanding.

”Yes, but - I don’t wanna have to wait until Hugo’s left the room.” He tries to be confident, but the words come out in a reluctant whisper.

”Oh,” Niall breathes out. He’s quiet for a moment before murmuring, ”I want that, too.”

”Good.” Harry relaxes, without having realised that he had tensed up. He smiles and closes his eyes, listens to Niall’s breathing. This feels colossal - frightening and exciting all at once, but at the same time not as life changing as Harry had suspected. It feels natural. That is perhaps the most scary part.

”How do you think he’s gonna react?”

”I’ve no idea. It’s only been us, his whole life. He’s never seen me kiss anyone, ever.” Harry rubs his hand over his face.

Niall hums.

”I don’t even know what to say,” Harry sighs.

He keeps thinking about this after they’ve hung up shortly after, in the shower and when he wakes Hugo and gets him ready for school. Keeps thinking about it when they have breakfast and when Harry dresses Hugo in his waterproof trousers, squatting on the floor. Keeps thinking about it when they walk to school, Hugo jumping in all the puddles and Harry leading his bike so he can get to work after having dropped of Hugo. Unlike his son, he cannot choose to not bike when it rains. Keeps thinking about it when they arrive at school and he squats down once more, this time to remove the sopping wet clothes. And he is still thinking about it when he arrives to work.

”What’s got you looking so worried today, luv?”

Harry swivels his chair around so he can look at Sheila. She watches him with her usual kind eyes that are slightly enlarged by the thick glasses in her spectacles. He abandons the email he was writing and puts his head in his hands.

”I’ve met someone.”

Sheila squeals and rips off her headset, throwing it on her desk. ”That’s wonderful, dearie! It is, right?” She adds after a short pause and looking at Harry’s face. Harry nods.

”What’s her name?” She looks so excited and ready to dish. She tried that a lot in the beginning when Harry had just started working here, but soon learned that the only events happening in Harry’s life were those involving nappies.

”His name’s Niall.”

Her enlarged eyes widen. ”Oh, I’m sorry! I just assumed-”

Harry waves off her apology. ”It’s fine.”

She takes a short moment to collect herself. ”Is he, is he nice, then?”

”He’s very nice,” Harry smiles and Sheila visibly relaxes and smiles in return.

”Is he the reason why you’re always smiling at that phone of yours, then?”

”Yeah,” Harry laughs.

”So what’s got you all worried then, luvvie? Is it about him meeting Hugo?”

”They’ve met, actually. Several times. They like each other.”

”Then I really don’t understand, luv, you need to spell it out for me.”

”Hugo doesn’t know.”

Sheila’s lipstick painted mouth forms a soundless ’o’. She scratches the back of her hand. ”I see.”

”And I don’t really know how to explain it to him.”

”I think you’re making this bigger than it needs to be,” Sheila says and taps her fingers against the desk. ”If they like each other then I don’t see why this is a problem.”

It does make sense when she spells it out like that. Still, Harry cannot shake his nerves. She must be able to read it on his face, because she pushes her chair back and stands up. ”Cuppa?”

”Yes, please.”

Sheila heads to the break room and Harry rubs his face before returning to the email he was composing. A person has asked for information on the possible side effects of one of their products which is all fine except that this information is already available on the packaging. Sheila returns with two cups of tea, Harry’s made just the way he likes it. She makes a mean cuppa, even better than his mum. They talk some more and Sheila tells him about how her husband got lost in the hardware store yesterday. Harry has met him a couple times when he’s picked her up from work and this is not surprising at all. When they’ve finished their teas and must return to do their actual jobs, Sheila walks up to him to get his mug and pinches his cheek in that way only old ladies know how to. ”It’s gonna be fine, luvvie, just wait and see.”

The rain keeps falling throughout the entire day. It feels somewhat like a bad omen. When it is time for Harry to leave to go get Hugo, he reluctantly puts on his rain clothes. He still hasn’t come up with what to say. He has half the mind to just not say anything, just kiss Niall in front of Hugo and see how it all plays out. But when he texted that suggestion to Niall earlier, Niall simply told him to stop being a knob. So that seems to be out of the question.

He stands in line with the other parents, dripping water into a small puddle that’s forming under his feet. The other parents are mostly dry, which is a bit annoying. Some are shaking brollies as they enter, but most seem to have gotten there by car. Harry pushes his wet fringe out of his face.

”Why’re you so wet?” Is Hugo’s first question when The Beast has called his name.

”It’s raining.”

”But I don’t want to go home in the rain,” Hugo whines and sags his shoulders.

”Tough luck,” says Harry and turns to The Beast. ”Everything okay, today?”

Everything has been okay today, so Harry and Hugo bid their goodbyes and go to have Hugo’s snack and put on his rain clothes. It’s absolutely miserable getting home, with the rain having gotten heavier during the time Harry picked Hugo up and the wind blows the rain sideways, hitting their faces almost the whole way home. Hugo’s whining is understandable, but it really does not improve the situation.

They remove their rain clothes in the hallway outside their flat to minimise the puddles inside. As soon as he gets inside, Harry runs to the bathroom with the wet clothes and hangs them up in the shower. They both have to change out of their clothes, with their sleeves and the bottoms of their trousers being sopping wet. Harry suggests that they put on their pyjamas straight away, which Hugo eagerly agrees to. When Hugo sits on the closed toilet lid and Harry is crouched next to him and drying off his hair with a towel because the wind kept on blowing his hood off, Harry decides that it’s time. He clears his throat.

”Hugs,” he begins and he still doesn’t know what to say.

”Yeah?”

”How would you feel about Niall… being around more?”

”That’d be fun!” Harry can hear his smile that’s covered by the towel in front of his face.

”Yeah? Good.” Harry takes a deep breath. ”And how would you feel about me kissing him?”

After a short silence, Hugo asks, ”Why would you do that?”

”Because I like him.” The confession is overwhelming. Harry is glad Hugo can’t see his face, because he is unsure of what it shows.

”I like Niall. Do I have to kiss him, too?” Hugo sounds unsure, and Harry realises that his hands have stilled. He pulls the towel off Hugo’s head.

”You absolutely do not have to do that. In fact, I do not want you to do that.” He locks eyes with Hugo’s and waits until Hugo nods in understanding before adding, ”We like him in different ways.”

Hugo sits quiet, looking down on his hands in his lap and seemingly deep in thought.

”I would also like it if maybe he could sleep over sometime.”

Hugo looks up. ”Where would he sleep? We only have two beds.” He holds up two fingers to Harry’s face. Harry opens his mouth wide and pretends to go for a bite. Hugo giggles and pulls his hand away.

”I was thinking he could sleep in my bed, with me.”

”Oh,” Hugo says and nodding understandingly. ”Like mummies and daddies.”

”I… well, yes, I guess,” Harry says even though the implication of Hugo’s innocent comment has made his heart racing. ”Would you be okay with this?” Hugo doesn’t answer for a moment, and Harry’s heart start racing for a new reason. ”Nothing else will change,” he continues and grabs Hugo’s head, bringing him closer so he can press a kiss to the damp hair, ”it’s still you and me, Hugs.”

”Okay.”

”Okay, yes? You’re okay with it?”

Hugo nods. Harry kisses his hair again.

”Thank you, Hugsie.” One more kiss. ”You’re allowed to change your mind anytime, just tell me.” He hugs him close. He’s not sure if Hugo understands the enormity of this, understands what this means, but he is so relieved.

”Is it alright if he comes over tonight? For dinner?”

Hugo nods against Harry’s shoulder and Harry could cry.

After drying off, Harry sits Hugo down at the kitchen table to do his homework. He makes him a cup of hot chocolate that he puts down on the table next to him and Hugo looks quizzically at and says, ”but it’s not winter,” and Harry simply points to the pouring rain outside and answers, ”rain means you can have hot chocolate”. Hugo accepts this without further questioning.

As he is in the middle of preparing dinner and Hugo is in the middle of watching CBeebies, the doorbell rings. Hugo makes a dash for the door, and Harry hears him shout a ”who is it?” through the door before opening. Harry passes the corner just in time to see Niall step inside and place his umbrella by the door.

”Hello, boys,” he says with a smile to both Harry and Hugo and bends down to remove his shoes. Harry leans against the wall and watches him. He’s allowed to kiss this man in front of his son. It’s insane.

”Are you gonna kiss daddy?”

Niall’s hands stop abruptly at his laces and he snaps his head up to look at Harry. He looks so frightened it’s comical, and Harry has to pull his lips between his teeth to stop the laughter threatening to bubble out. Niall’s face visibly relaxes and his fingers resume untying his shoes.

”I was planning to, yes,” he says to Hugo and straightens up to take off his jacket. ”Will you allow that?”

Hugo nods. ”But we’re not going to kiss.”

”No, we’re not,” Niall says with a surprised laugh. ”Glad we’re on the same page there.”

They hug and then they both turn to Harry, Hugo with a serious look on his face and Niall looks almost nervous. Harry steps away from where he is leaning against the wall and reaches out for Niall, pulls him close by the waist and kisses him square on the mouth. It is a short but very meaningful kiss. Niall leans in for a second, even shorter one. Harry throws a glance at Hugo, who he is very aware has been watching them. His face is still serious, his gaze flitting between Harry’s hand on Niall’s waist and their mouths that have just met. Harry realises that he is holding his breath.

”You okay, Hugs?” Niall asks.

Hugo fixes his eye on Niall and then nods twice. ”Do you wanna watch telly with me?”

”Sure!” Says Niall, perhaps a little too enthusiastically and steps out of Harry’s grasp to follow Hugo into the sitting room. But then he turns around and grabs Harry’s face, kissing him once more. Harry puts his hands on Niall’s wrists, grounding himself. He smiles into the kiss.

”This is very exciting,” Niall mumbles and returns Harry’s smile, dropping his hands from Harry’s face. He winks and then turns to go to the sitting room. Harry’s gaze falls upon Hugo, who was still watching, and his smile doesn’t lessen. Hugo watches him thoughtfully, and then goes into the sitting room.

——

Dinner is normal. They take the seats they had last time, with Niall and Hugo on one side and Harry on the other. Hugo talks, albeit a bit more quiet than normal, about his day. Niall tells them about the bus he saw splash some people on the way to their flat and then asks Harry about how his day was. It’s nice, so nice, to get that question.

Niall offers to do the dishes after. Harry protests, but Niall insists and so, Harry lets him and goes to fold the laundry he did yesterday. He has to sit down while folding Hugo’s Beatles tee shirt. It’s all just a bit much. In the kitchen is Niall, washing dishes after dinner, and Hugo has seen them kiss. Harry’s heart feels much too big for his chest. He takes a deep breath and then folds the tee shirt carefully in his lap. A fantasy of it being Niall’s tee shirt takes form in his mind and the fantasy is so close, almost at an overwhelming touching distance, that Harry has to abandon the laundry and go join Hugo and his Lego instead to take his mind off it.

Hugo eagerly shows him his motorcycle when Harry enters the room. It’s surprisingly good.

”It’s so the police can catch all the baddies.”

”That’s great,” says Harry and folds his legs as he sits down on the floor. He reaches for some pieces and begins sticking them together at random. They build together for a while in silence.

”Are you still okay with me kissing Niall?”

”It’s weird,” Hugo says without looking up from the motorcycle he is adding some very not motorbike-y parts to.

”Good weird or bad weird?” Harry hears a slight creak from the bedroom door, and looks up to see the mostly hidden figure of Niall, obviously hiding to hear what Hugo will say. Looking back at Hugo again, Harry sees him shrug his shoulders with his head still down.

”Maybe it’s too new, yeah? Maybe you need some time to figure out what you feel?”

Hugo nods.

”But are you okay for now?”

”Yeah.”

Harry looks to where Niall is hiding once more, and sees him smiling. He steps inside the room. ”Can I join you?”

Hugo nods and Niall sits down, the three of them forming a triangle on the floor. It’s awkward. No one speaks. Harry and Niall keep sneaking glances at each other while Hugo observes them quietly. Niall reaches for a piece on the other side of Harry and scoots closer in the process. He does it one more time and now their knees are almost close enough to touch. Harry shifts his position a little, and now - now they touch. Niall smiles at him, a small, private smile that Harry has to look away from. He tries to suppress his own, but is unable to. Hugo keeps watching them and sticking more pieces to his motorcycle.

They build until Harry looks at the time and decides that it’s bedtime for Hugo.

”I should probably head home,” Niall says and Harry is thankful. Harry and Hugo decide to say goodbye to Niall before getting ready for bed, and follow him to the door. Niall puts on his shoes and jacket and then looks at his quiet onlookers.

”Alright,” he begins, but Hugo interrupts him.

”Are you coming here tomorrow, too?”

Niall looks to Harry, who simply shrugs his shoulders and offers a smile. ”Would you like me to?”

Hugo nods.

”Then I would love to come over.” Niall says it seriously, looking at Hugo. Hugo nods.

”Can you sleep over?”

Harry is - he is baffled. Both at Hugo’s solemn tone and at the request. He doesn’t really know what to think of it, just knows that he is baffled. His son never ceases to surprise him.

”I- yes, I can sleep over,” says Niall and glances at Harry for a short moment but for that short moment when their eyes meet, Harry feels a deep calm wash over him. Then Niall takes a step forward to Hugo and kneels down, bringing him into a hug. Harry can see him whisper something in Hugo’s ear, and Hugo nods. Niall stands up again and moves to hug Harry instead, enveloping him tightly in his arms. Harry hugs him back, tightening his arms. He doesn’t want Niall to leave.

”I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Niall whispers.

”Bring a toothbrush,” Harry whispers back and Niall kisses him. It’s a longer kiss than the one they shared when Niall arrived, but still innocent enough for the eyes of a five year old. They part, but Niall keeps a tight hold on Harry’s hand. Harry squeezes his fingers.

Niall leaves and Harry locks the door. Turns around to see Hugo looking at him.

”C’mere,” he sighs and bends down to pick him up. Hugo wraps his legs around Harry’s waist and shoves his face into Harry’s shoulder.

”I love you very much,” Harry says and starts walking them to the bathroom. ”Thank you for being the best boy.” He sets Hugo down on the tiled floor in the bathroom and turns to get his Mickey Mouse toothbrush, looking at Hugo through the mirror as he squeezes toothpaste on it.

”Do you really want Niall to sleep over tomorrow?”

”Yeah.”

”You don’t sound very convincing,” Harry says and kneels down. Hugo automatically opens his mouth, and Harry sets to work. He is aware that Hugo can’t really answer him with a toothbrush in his mouth, but keeps talking anyway.

”It really is fine if you don’t want him to sleep over, you don’t have to pretend just because I want him to. This is your home, too, not just mine.”

Hugo keeps looking at him, even when Harry tilts his head so he can reach the molars in the back. When he’s finished, Harry moves to the side so Hugo can step up on the step stool and spit in the sink. Harry rinses the toothbrush.

”Do you want me to tell him that he can’t sleep over?”

Hugo shakes his head. ”No, he can sleep over.”

Harry does not understand his son at all.

”Alright,” he says. ”Go for a wee, and then it’s time for bed.”

They read a Mr. Men book in bed. Hugo positions himself almost completely in top of Harry and Harry suspects he can’t see the pictures from the angle of his head on Harry’s chest, but Hugo doesn’t seem to mind. He has Harry’s pyjama shirt in a tight grip in his hand and Harry uses his hand not holding the book to stroke his hair. After some time, Hugo’s breathing turns deep with sleep and Harry stops reading, instead wrapping both arms around him. He lies there, perhaps too long, just listening to Hugo’s breathing and feeling his small chest expand under his arms.

When he’s left Hugo’s room and quietly closed the door behind him, he calls Niall. Niall picks up straight away.

”How was if after I left?”

”Hi, Niall.”

”Yes, hi. How was it?”

Harry can hear the sound of the woman calling out the next bus station, meaning Niall isn't home yet.

”It was… I don’t know, he didn’t say much. I asked him if he’s changed his mind but he insisted that you can sleep over.”

”Do you think he’s scared to tell you the truth?”

”I hope not,” Harry sighs and throws himself on the sofa, ”He usually doesn’t have a problem telling me when he doesn’t want to do things and I tried to really tell him that it’s fine if he’s not comfortable.”

Niall hums and Harry can almost hear him think through the phone. ”Could it be a test, then?”

”A test?”

”Yeah. I mean, maybe he wants to see what it’ll be like.”

”He’s five, Niall.”

”So? He’s very clever, you should know that better than me.”

”I know he’s clever,” Harry defends, ”but that doesn’t mean he’s conducting tests to see how situations will develop.”

”I’m not saying he’s aware of what he’s doing. I’m just saying that he probably wants me to sleep over, but is wary of how it's going to be now with the added aspect of… everything.”

”I guess,” Harry sighs, ”why’re you so smart?”

”One of us has to be.” His smile is audible, and contagious.

”How are you feeling, then?” Niall continues. Harry hears some rustling, and then the distinct sound of walking. He must be near home, then.

”Nervous,” Harry admits, ”to see if he changes his mind.”

”Yeah, but aside from that. How did you feel kissing me in front of him?”

”Felt weird. Felt good. How did you feel?”

Niall takes a deep breath that is audible through the phone, ”Felt like I was where I’m supposed to be.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say, as always stumped by Niall’s unfiltered honesty. He’s glad they’re not on FaceTime. His heart is racing and he has to swallow past the lump forming in his throat. This confession is big, so big. Colossal. Harry is not sure he is actually breathing. The words in his heart are wailing, desperate for his attention but it’s too much, not now.

”’m sorry,” Niall says, ”I really don’t mean to put you on the spot. You’re welcome to do whatever you want with it.”

Harry closes his eyes and tries to conjure the feeling of Niall’s lips on his, of Niall in his arms. Tries to conjure the feeling he gets with Niall near. Tries to not think of the fact that they have only known each other for almost two months.

Feels like forever, though.

”I wish you were here,” Harry settles for.

”Yeah.” A crackle and then the jingle of keys. Niall is home. ”Yeah,” he says again. ”Don’t feel like I got to kiss you enough.”

”Tomorrow,” Harry promises.

”Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, so. i've got a little extra something something for you. it's basically a short chapter from Niall's POV that takes place during chapter 17 which will be posted next week. would you like me to post it next week (so the usual 2 chapters + Niall's POV) or would you like it when the story is finished? i've thought about it and either way works, so i'll let you decide :) let me know what you think here in the comments or on tumblr, horansheroes.tumblr.com!
> 
> also, thank you so much to everyone who comments, it means so much xx


	16. CHAPTER SIXTEEN

It is now tomorrow. Niall is going to sleep over for the first time. Harry is nervous. Doesn’t really know why, but he is. It doesn’t matter that they have slept in the same bed once before, it’s different now. Well, maybe it isn’t, but it feels like it. This isn’t Harry sleeping at Niall’s, during a weekend dedicated to fucking. This is Niall, sleeping at Harry and Hugo’s, on a weekday. They will leave the flat in the morning and go separate ways. Harry reckons he’s allowed to be nervous.

Hugo woke up this morning and was fine, back to his bubbly self. Harry was a bit weary at breakfast about mentioning Niall, if Hugo had just happened to forget that Niall is meant to spend the night, but Hugo brought it up himself.

”Niall is sleeping here tonight,” he said and reached for his glass of apple juice while kicking his legs.

”He is,” said Harry and took a sip of his coffee, ”How are we feeling about it?”

”Good.” Hugo took a bite of his toast and Harry felt cautiously optimistic. ”Are you gonna kiss again?”

”Yes,” said Harry and couldn’t help but smile, ”if he wants to.”

”Does he want to?”

”I hope so, he told me yesterday that he wants to.”

Hugo nodded thoughtfully and chewed his toast.

Later when Harry picked him up for school, The Beast commented that he had been distracted all day, lost in his thoughts. Last time she made that comment, it had been because Hugo had been excited about Niall coming over. Harry has no doubt that Niall has occupied his mind also today, but he suspects it is not because of excitement. He asked Hugo what he had been thinking of when they sat on a bench in the yard so Hugo could have his snack.

”What if Niall doesn’t want to kiss you?” Hugo asked and shoved some raisins into his mouth.

Christ, Harry thought - is this what’s been on his mind all day? ”I wouldn’t kiss him if he didn’t want me to. You cannot kiss people who don’t want to be kissed.”

”How do you know if he wants to kiss you?”

”He’s told me. And I can see it on his face.” Harry was not entirely comfortable with his conversation, but if this is what Hugo needed to feel okay, then it needed to be done. Also, it’s probably never too soon to talk about consent, Harry figured.

Hugo ate some of his raisins in silence and Harry started hoping that the conversation was over, until he opened his mouth to speak again. ”What if you don’t want to kiss Niall?”

”Then I will not kiss him and I will let him know that I don’t want him to kiss me.”

”Will he not kiss you, then?”

”No, he won’t.”

”Okay.” Hugo finished his raisins and they biked home, with Hugo insisting on going through all the puddles left from yesterday’s rainfall.

They are just now arriving at home, and by the bike rack stands Niall. Harry’s heart leaps at the sight of him, in fitted trousers that sit snug on his thighs and a striped shirt tucked into them, a couple buttons left unbuttoned. He looks so fucking fit. And in his hand is a gym bag. This very attractive man is going to stay the night. Harry cannot believe his luck.

”Niall!” Hugo shouts when he slows his bike down to a stop. He dismounts it and tries to shove it into an empty slot in the rack, but fails and Niall helps him.

”Do you want to kiss daddy today?” Hugo asks, just as Harry gets off his bike.

”Hi Hugo,” says Niall with a smile. ”I do, yes.”

”Okay,” Hugo says and peers up at Niall, tilting his head back because of his helmet constricting his view. ”Daddy wants to kiss you, too.”

”Great,” Niall smiles brightly and turns to Harry. He throws his arm over Harry’s shoulders and kisses him. Short, quick little kisses, playful and filled with joy. Harry cups his face and keeps him in place, putting an end to the little kisses and instead letting them turn into a longer one. Niall tightens his grip on Harry’s shoulders and then ends the kiss by pulling softly at Harry’s bottom lip and then leaning his forehead against Harry’s.

”Hello, pet,” he breathes out and something flutters deliciously in Harry’s belly.

”Hi,” Harry whispers back and strokes his thumb over the delicate skin under Niall’s eye.

They part, and Harry locks the bikes. Niall punches in the code for the front door and holds the door open, but Hugo stays by Harry’s side until he’s finished and then takes Harry’s hand firmly. They walk past Niall holding hand and Niall almost manages to suppress a smile at the very obvious showcase of possession from Hugo. It comes somewhat as a surprise, given Hugo’s encouragement of their kissing, but Harry doesn’t understand any of Hugo’s actions during the past days.

Their afternoon is absolutely lovely. Hugo does his homework in the kitchen as usual. Niall sits beside him, helping and encouraging before joining Harry in making dinner. He insists on wearing an apron, and it reminds Harry of their weekend at Niall’s, of cooking dinner naked and kissing in the kitchen and he has to push down that thought, deep, deep down. Niall must see it in his eyes, because he winks and smooths the apron down his front, effectively bringing Harry’s attention to his body. It is very cruel.

When Hugo has finished his homework, they switch the music from his homework playlist to Harry and Hugo’s dance playlist. It contains classics such as ’Go Your Own Way’ and Hugo’s favourite Paul Simon song, ’You Can Call Me Al’. Niall is mighty impressed by Hugo’s taste in music and of how he can sing along to many of the songs. They dance together, the three of them. When he is not chopping onion or making sure the food doesn’t burn, Harry twirls Hugo, spinning him round and round. He twirls Niall as well, to his delighted amusement. Dips him as low as he can safely manage and welcomes him back up with a kiss. Hugo sees it but is too busy shouting the lyrics to ’Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)’ to really react to it and maybe that is the key, here, Harry thinks as he lets Niall twirl him. Maybe they shouldn’t encourage Hugo making a big deal out of it. Maybe they should just treat it like an everyday thing.

Except it isn’t. Harry being allowed to kiss anyone, let alone someone as amazing in so many ways as Niall, is nothing but a wonder.

Hugo tires first, flopping down on the kitchen floor and spreading his arms and legs like a starfish. Harry is there in an instant, pulling Hugo’s shirt up to blow a big raspberry on his tummy. Hugo shrieks with laughter and squirms away.

Harry’s whole body is filled with glorious light. Existing in this moment with his son and his Niall, kissing freely and dancing, is the most beautiful thing he’s experienced. The glorious light lasts through dinner. Harry realises that they are shaping into a trio of sorts, Harry and Hugo’s duo expanding and including Niall. He doesn’t feel like a guest at their table. He sits completely at ease and so does Hugo. Harry pushes down a nagging speck of anxiety that grows in the back of his mind, focuses instead on the glorious light.

”Why’re you smiling, daddy?” asks Hugo and Harry realises that he is. And then he can’t stop. It spreads to Niall who beams at the other side of the table. Hugo looks between them in confusion, but then it spreads further and Hugo’s smile stretches wide across his face. Harry looks at Niall and Niall looks at Harry and the words in Harry’s heart do their best at getting his attention, begging him to read what they say, but Harry is too busy being willingly held captive by Niall’s smile.

They watch telly for a bit after dinner and after Harry has done the dishes. A documentary about meerkats is on. Harry sits down and Hugo cuddles up against him automatically, like his place on the sofa is where Harry is. Harry puts his arm around him, hugging him close. Niall sits down on Harry’s other side and Harry holds up his arm, inviting him in. Niall scoots close, turning so he sits with his back against Harry’s side and Harry puts his arm over his shoulder, letting it drape down Niall’s chest. And so, they watch meerkats. Niall plays with Harry’s fingers and massages the palm of his hand, traces the lines of the cross tattooed on the back.

This is better than Harry imagined. The glorious light inside of him fills every little corner, has spread down to his toes and out to the tips of his ears. He wants to stay in this moment forever. The thought of being allowed to keep Niall, to have him become a permanent fixture, to have their trio become constant is frightening but oh, so beautiful. It makes the light in him shine brighter. Harry has to tip his head against the back of the sofa and close his eyes to not become completely overcome with this enormous feeling. Life is threatening on becoming too beautiful.

——

Niall stays in the sitting room when Harry takes Hugo to get him ready for bed. It feels best, that way. Hugo comes back out into the sitting room after brushing his teeth to give Niall a goodnight hug and Niall lifts him up on his lap to hug him close and press a short kiss to his hair before setting him down again. The words in Harry’s heart are rioting. He leads Hugo into his bedroom and they settle in bed for a story.

”So,” Harry whispers before opening the book, ”are you still okay with Niall sleeping over?”

”Yeah,” Hugo says and smiles, ”I wish Niall could be here all the time.”

Harry has to grip the book tightly to control his feelings.

When they have finished the book and Hugo is hanging on the edge of sleep, Harry quietly leaves the room. He stays for a moment on the other side of Hugo’s door, just breathing for a moment. Now, he is alone with Niall. His pulse quickens with excitement and he wipes his palms on his thighs.

Niall is still on the sofa. The telly is now showing a nature documentary, David Attenborough’s soothing voice on low volume. Niall looks up at him when he enters. He smiles. Harry tilts his head in the direction of his bedroom.

”Wanna see my room?”

Niall’s smile widens. ”Don’t mind if I do.”

He follows Harry, grabbing his bag that he had left by the door on the way. Harry closes the door behind them and turns on the bedside lamp. His room isn’t very impressing. It has his bed and his wardrobe and dresser, some shelves with random stuff: a big rock that Liam gave him on a night out in uni that they and Louis formed a weirdly strong attachment to, some photos of him, his mum and Gemma, a collection of bead necklaces Hugo has made him.

”Can’t believe I haven’t been in your room, yet.” Niall looks around, taking in the framed Keith Haring posters.

Harry sits down on the bed. ”Well, this is it.” He leans back on his hands and tries to make himself look inviting. It’s a success, because Niall drops his bag and moves toward the bed, climbs up and straddles Harry’s lap. He puts his hands on Harry’s shoulders, smoothing them down to his chest, over his pecs. He follows his hands with his eyes as they travel back up to Harry’s shoulders and further, up his neck and lastly gently cupping Harry’s cheeks. Niall leans in and kisses Harry.

It starts out soft and gentle. Harry goes soft under his touch. Niall’s hands move from Harry’s cheeks to the back of his head, supporting him as he puts more force into the kiss. His fingers tangle in Harry’s hair. They kiss. And then Niall starts rocking his hips in gentle, barely there movements. It’s wonderful and torturous all at once and Harry is quickly getting hard, the feeling of Niall hardening as well speeding it up. While leaning back on his hands he can’t touch Niall, so Harry pushes himself up and immediately wraps his arms around Niall’s waist, pulling him closer.

”Not to be presumptuous,” Niall exhales and moves to kiss Harry’s neck.

”No, please be.”

”I brought the condoms.”

Harry bites Niall’s shoulder gently. ”I’d be really disappointed if you hadn’t.” He leans back a little, using his core muscle to support himself as he starts to unbutton Niall’s shirt. Niall keeps rolling his hips in small movements, making it a lot more difficult than it should be. When he’s unbuttoned the last button, Harry pushes the shirt off Niall’s shoulders and Niall quickly pulls off the white tee shirt he has on underneath, leaving himself bare for Harry. Harry puts his mouth to Niall’s skin, breathing in his smell and feeling the texture of his skin on his lips.

Niall’s hands roam Harry’s back and grabs the bottom of his tee shirt, pulling it up and over Harry’s head. Harry feels drunk. Niall is filling all his senses and it is so, so good. He moves his hands to Niall’s bum, grinds him down against his crotch.

”I need you. Please.”

”Yeah,” Niall pants and gets off Harry’s lap. He unzips his trousers and pushes them down his legs and Harry quickly follows his cue before scooting further up the bed. Niall joins him back on the bed, completely naked, and pulls Harry’s pants off him with a, ”you forgot these, pet”. He spreads Harry’s legs and slots himself between them and takes Harry’s cock in his mouth. It comes as a pleasant surprise, so pleasant, and has Harry tightlyfisting the sheet under him with his hands. He exhales shakily.

Niall swirls his tongue expertly and Harry wills his hips to stay flush against the mattress. But Niall cups his balls gently, rolls them in his hand. Harry bites down a moan and his hips buck up involuntarily. His thighs tense up.

”No, no, you need to stop,” he breathes out and chokes when Niall flicks his tongue. ”Niall, please-”

Niall pulls off and instead moves to place small kisses to the inside of Harry’s thigh. He reaches down over the edge of the bed and feels around for a bit before throwing his bag up at Harry. Harry fumbles for the zipper, distracted, because Niall is kissing the sensitive skin at the top of his thighs. He gets the bag open and rummages through the contents before he finds the lube and hands it to Niall. After some more looking he finds the condoms as well and drops the bag down onto the floor. Niall is sitting up now, has already squirted lube on his fingers and Harry barely has time to make himself comfortable before Niall has positioned Harry’s legs like he wants them.

He circles Harry’s rim with his finger, carefully. Harry realises that he probably has last time and Harry’s discomfort on his mind. He rolls his hips a little and attempts at catching Niall’s finger. Niall smiles at the obvious goal.

”Don’t be so desperate,” he murmurs but pushes in anyway. His movements are more confident now after Harry’s reassuring and it only takes a few pumps of his finger before he moves on to two. He keeps his eyes on Harry’s face and Harry knows he must look like a mess already, desperate and needy after Niall’s mouth. And yet. It’s thrilling having Niall watch him from where he sits between Harry’s open legs. Watching Harry’s reactions to his fingers. Niall twists his fingers much like he did last time and grazes Harry’s prostate.

” _Fuck_ ,” Harry groans out loud and fists the sheets again. He pushes down against Niall’s fingers. Niall does it again and when another groan comes out of Harry, shushes him.

”Y’need to be quiet, pet.” And then the fucker does it again and Harry has to cover his mouth with his hands to stop the sounds coming out. Niall watches him intently, his pupils blown wide and he keeps watching him when he moves his free hand to Harry’s cock. He starts wanking him lightly, the movement synchronised with his fingers and it is the most fantastic thing Harry has ever felt. He bites down hard on the fleshy part of his thumb but still a moan manages to escape his mouth.

”Christ, Harry. Wish you could see yourself.” Niall adds a third finger. Harry chokes on a moan and squeezes his eyes shut. He bites down harder on his hand. It’s overwhelming. Niall’s hand on his cock and Niall’s fingers in his arse are a lethal combination and Harry can feel himself getting closer. He moves his hand from his mouth.

”Niall,” he begins just as Niall tightens his grip just so on Harry’s cock and Harry is interrupted by his moan. ”Niall, please - don’t wanna cum yet.”

Niall tortures him for a moment longer, and then lets go of his cock and slowly pulls out his fingers. His own cock had previously been hidden behind Harry’s thigh but now he moves and it comes into sight, hard and leaking and Harry aches to have it inside him.

He gets up on his knees, despite his body feeling like jelly, and kisses Niall. Niall, who was just about to put on a condom, kisses him back eagerly. Their lips and tongues meet for the first time in what feels like an eternity and it is amazing but Harry’s cock is throbbing painfully and he guesses that so must Niall’s also be. Harry takes the condom from Niall’s hand and tries to put it on without breaking the kiss. He is not successful, sadly, and has to break the kiss so he can see what he’s doing. Niall kisses his shoulder tenderly while he puts the condom on and Harry has to pause his movements and close his eyes for a short moment to push down the words in his heart threatening to escape their prison.

”Lay down,” he says when the condom is on and Niall quickly does as told. Harry straddles his waist and Niall’s hands instantly move to the back of his thighs, supporting him. He looks so fucking beautiful. His chest is flushed with a redness that spreads up his neck and to his cheeks. His eyes are glowing and the soft light from the lamp on the nightstand illuminates his face wonderfully, highlighting his cheekbones and jawline that hides under his stubble. The words in Harry’s heart are singing. He does his best not to listen.

”Stop staring at my face.”

”Sorry, you’re so pretty,” Harry breathes out shamelessly and realises at the same time that he has been frozen with his arse just above Niall’s cock and that his thighs are beginning to burn.

Niall smiles. ”You too, but please get on my cock.” He squeezes Harry’s thighs.

”Yeah,” Harry nods and reaches down to wrap his hand around Niall’s cock and keep it steady. Then he lowers himself down, slowly. Niall’s jaw goes slack and he draws in a deep breath, his fingers tightening on Harry’s thighs. His gaze moves from Harry’s face down to where he disappears into him and then back up when he’s all the way in.

Harry exhales shakily. He is so incredibly full. Niall rubs his thighs, his right hand settling over Harry’s tiger tattoo. His eyes are intense, too intense. Harry puts his hands on Niall’s chest for leverage and lifts his hips. It’s wonderful. Niall’s mouth falls open in a soundless moan and he feels fantastic, stretching Harry in the most amazing way.

Niall raises his legs and tilts Harry forward. Harry leans forward the rest of the way and kisses him. Niall grips Harry’s thighs tightly and then he thrusts up into Harry and hits Harry’s prostate. Harry moans into his mouth and Niall does it again. Harry lets himself be fucked and buries his head in Niall’s neck when Niall increases the speed, gasping into Niall’s skin every time Niall thrusts into him.

It’s so much. The feeling of Niall inside of him, the smell of him, his panting in Harry’s ear, his hands gripping Harry’s thighs tightly. It’s too much, almost. Harry lifts his head and kisses Niall again at the same time as he places his hands on either side of Niall and lifts himself up. He grinds his hips, meeting Niall’s and changing the angle into one that is less intense. Niall pants and moans into Harry’s mouth and lets Harry regain control, letting his legs fall back down onto the mattress. Harry lifts his hips until only the tip of Niall is nestled inside him and rolls his hips. Niall pants harshly, his hot breath hitting Harry’s face. The sight of him is one for the ages. Harry continues the teasing small movements and Niall jerks his hips up, trying to get more than the head of his cock inside Harry, but Harry lifts his hips further until Niall almost, almost slips out. Niall whines and wraps his hand around Harry’s forearm tightly. His eyes are pleading.

Harry lowers his hips and Niall lets out a throaty moan. He takes Harry’s cock in his hand and starts wanking him off, raising his legs once more to change the angle into the one that threatens to drive Harry absolutely mad and now, now - Niall’s cock hits his prostate and Niall’s hand is on his cock and Harry cums hard, spilling over Niall’s chest and hitting his chin. Niall grips Harry’s thighs again, holding him in place while he fucks up into him with a desperation Harry has never seen before and Harry is close to becoming oversensitive and then he feels Niall pulsate and cum inside him.

They breathe.

”Wow,” says Niall breathlessly. The words in Harry’s heart are pounding at the walls, screaming for Harry’s attention. Harry ignores them and instead wipes his cum off Niall’s chin with his forefinger before sticking it in his own mouth and licking it off.

”Filthy,” Niall scolds but his eyes are glittering. He pushes himself up, holding Harry in place and puts his arms behind him for support. ”Kiss me.”

Harry kisses him.

They take a shower, after. Harry was a bit apprehensive because of the risk of waking Hugo, but Niall said, ”Harry, I am literally covered in your cum,” and this is why they squeeze in together in Harry’s tiny shower. The small space does not allow for much effective cleaning when occupied by more than one person but that’s okay because they spend most of the time kissing, anyway. Harry pushes Niall up against the tiled wall and kisses him. A nagging thought in the back of his mind reprimands him for wasting water like this, but he can’t bother to care. Not when he’s kissing Niall and Niall has his hands on Harry’s arse and around Harry’s waist, holding him close. Not when he puts all his power in ignoring the loud words in his heart.

Harry lends Niall clothes and they snuggle up on the sofa. Niall zaps through the channels before settling on a rerun of an old Simpsons episode and laying down. He pulls Harry down and Harry lays down, squeezing in between Niall and the back of the sofa, but lies mostly on Niall. He puts his head on Niall’s chest. Niall wraps his arms around him.

This feels comfortable.

This feels safe.

This feels like home.

The words in Harry’s heart are becoming harder and harder to ignore.

”Do you believe in fate?” Niall asks during a commercial break. His fingers trace unidentifiable patterns on Harry’s back.

”No, but I believe in karma. Like, if you put kindness into the world, the world will give you kindness in return.”

Niall hums.

”Why? Do you believe in it?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders and Harry’s head jostles. ”Dunno. Starting to, I think.”

He doesn’t say anything more, doesn’t elaborate - but his silence is enough to make Harry’s heart stutter.


	17. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

They fall into a routine. It happens suddenly and unexpectedly. What happens is that after Niall stays the night that first time, he doesn’t really leave. Sometimes he will stay at his own flat when he works late but more days than not, he comes home after work.

Harry’s alarm always rings before Niall’s, but Niall wakes up with him anyway. They kiss in bed for a while and then Harry gets up and wakes Hugo. He gets him dressed and then Niall meets them in the kitchen for breakfast. The first morning he sat at the table fully dressed but as the mornings have progressed, he is wearing less and less clothes. Harry doesn’t mind at all and Hugo doesn’t seem bothered either. When Harry and Hugo leave for the day, Niall sees them off and then goes to have a shower before leaving as well. On some days when he get off work early, he comes home at around the same time as Harry and Hugo. On other days, he comes home just before dinner.

Harry doesn’t know when he starts thinking of it as Niall coming _home_ , but it happens.

The first morning was colossal. They had gone to bed after a few Simpsons episodes and Niall had asked Harry which side of the bed he slept on. This felt absolutely surreal, because Harry would always sleep in the middle. He never shared it with anyone. And now he would. He simply pointed to the left side only because that’s the side where his phone charger is and then Niall got in on the right side. He opened up his arms and Harrycrawled into them and they kissed. Niall asked him how he felt and no other time had the word ”good” felt so true.

When Harry’s alarm rang in the morning, he woke up with his arm slung around Niall’s waist. He woke up on the left side of the bed, with Niall on the right. His heart filled up to the brink with bliss and overflowed into his entire body. Niall turned in a half awake state to Harry and smiled sleepily at him. His voice was raspy and he said ”Mornin’, pet,” and there was no sun shining outside the window but it felt like it, because the whole room was filled with light.

Niall looked nervous at breakfast when Hugo entered the kitchen, already dressed in his uniform. Hugo, on the other hand, looked anything but. He smiled brightly at Niall with a ”Good morning,” and sat down in his seat next to Niall’s at the table.

”Good morning, Hugs,” said Niall and visibly relaxed. ”Did you sleep well?”

In a way perhaps it wasn’t colossal. And yet it was.

It stays colossal, too. The nights when Harry goes to sleep beside Niall and the mornings when he wakes up next to him are colossal. The meals shared and the laughter and the hugs and the kisses are colossal. Niall reading a book on the sofa is colossal. Niall and Hugo doing a jigsaw puzzle together and Niall helping him with his homework is colossal. The sight of three toothbrushes in the cup on the sink is colossal. Niall inside Harry, fucking him slowly until he nearly goes mad is colossal. The most colossal thing, perhaps, is Hugo asking Niall if he can read him his bedtime story one night. Niall looks so fucking proud and Harry sits on the floor outside Hugo’s room, hidden behind the wall and listens to Niall reading him story after story. He doesn’t realise until after Niall has left the room when Hugo has fallen asleep and he kisses Harry tenderly and wipes away a tear, that he’d been crying. The words in his heart have never been harder to ignore, nor have they ever shouted so loudly.

Niall works Friday nights. ”You didn’t work that Friday evening when we kissed for the first time,” Harry said and felt a light blush creep up his cheeks at the memory. And Niall told Harry, his cheeks pinking up, that he was so eager to see him that he lied about having the night off and then had to beg his coworkers to cover for him which ended up with him having to cover a lot of shifts. ”Worth it, though,” he added and Harry kissed him because he couldn’t not. Niall working Friday nights works well, Harry thinks. This means that his and Hugo’s Friday nights stay the same and stay theirs. Hugo seems to appreciate it, too.

One day, Niall picks Hugo up from school. It isn’t planned at all. There is an emergency at work and Harry can’t get off in time, so he texts Niall who steps up. When Harry comes home, Hugo has finished his homework and Niall is frying sausages. He meets Harry when he steps inside the flat with a long kiss. Hugo had apparently introduced him as the one who ”sleeps in daddy’s bed”. Harry doesn’t find it in him to be bothered. Another day, after Niall has spent a rare night at his own flat, he brings over a guitar.

”How have I not seen this at your flat?” Harry asks and takes it in his hand. It’s an acoustic guitar, very beautiful. Niall mentioned during their first date that he could play, but hasn’t talked any more about it since.

”Keep it in the closet,” Niall shrugs, ”don’t play much. Figured I’d pick it up.”

Hugo loves it. Niall can play a lot of Hugo’s favourite Beatles songs and they spend a lot of time singing along to Niall’s playing. Harry walks in on them one afternoon. Niall is teaching Hugo chords, showing him how to place his fingers on the strings. On a Sunday afternoon when the weather is nice and warm, they take the train to Richmond to look at the deer in Richmond park. They bring food for a picnic and when they sit down to eat, Harry is reminded of the time they went to see the dinosaurs in Crystal Palace and of how he imagined their trio might look to others. This time, there’s no question that they look like a family. Not with how naturally Niall acts with Hugo and how Hugo responds to it. How he offers Niall a bite of his banana and how Niall wipes away bread crumbs from Hugo’s cheek with a gentle swipe of his thumb. There’s no question, not with how Niall leans in to Harry, letting him feel the heat of his body.

They kiss in front of Hugo. Not too much and they keep it innocent. Hugo doesn’t react to it anymore after a while. It’s expected and has become the new normal. After Hugo goes to bed, the kissing loses the innocence it kept during the day. Niall will straddle Harry’s lap on the sofa, grabbing his shirt at the hem and pulling it off Harry’s body. He will kiss him, touch him. Harry will push Niall up against a wall, grind their hips together and feel under his fingertips how Niall melts under his movements. He will suck him off in the closed confines of the bedroom while Niall struggles to keep his noises down. Niall will, at other times, fuck him on all fours, slamming into him and hitting his prostate with every thrust as Harry drowns his whines by biting into one of the pillows.

Liam and Louis come over on a Saturday evening after a month of this lovely little bubble they have taken up residency in. They arrive just after Hugo’s bedtime which Harry suspects is planned so they can’t be roped into reading stories. Harry understands. Their visit is unplanned though, and a little unwelcome because Harry and Niall had planned on moving into the bedroom as soon as Hugo had gone to sleep. But Liam and Louis bring beer, even a four-pack Guinness for Niall, since Niall complained when they played football about being an Irish stereotype because he loves it so much. This is an instant win with Niall, and the lads are invited inside.

Harry, Niall and Liam squeeze together on the sofa, but it’s too small for four grown men so Louis snatches some throw pillows and sits down on the floor. It’s awkward for a moment, the four of them sitting quiet and listening to the playlist Harry put on. Niall cracks open a can of Guinness.

”We should play a drinking game,” says Louis.

”Absolutely not,” Harry says and uses the voice he uses on Hugo when he means business.

”We should do _something_ ,” Louis defends, ”it’s boring just sitting here.”

”You’re the ones who showed up unannounced!”

”Well, you haven’t invited us!”

”We missed you,” Liam interjects and leans over Niall so he can look at Harry.

”You saw me yesterday at the shop,” Harry says, but knows they’re right. These past weeks, nothing but Niall and Hugo has existed in his mind.

”It’s my fault,” Niall says, ”I’ve been hogging him. Sorry about that.”

Louis waves off his apology. ”No need for that, Niall. But you can make it up to us by telling us what he’s like in bed after five years of celibacy.” He points to Harry who cannot believe what he is hearing.

”He’s very good,” Niall smiles brightly.

”Niall!” Harry hits him on the arm, ”don’t encourage him.”

”I enjoy it very much,” Niall continues with a big smile, making a big show of turning his back to Harry and talking only with Liam and Louis who are enjoying this far too much. ”And he lets me do this thing with my-”

”Why is this happening?”

”Harry, let the man finish,” Louis scolds with a big smile. ”You were saying, Niall? He lets you do what with your what?”

”It’s the best,” Niall says theatrically and takes a swig of his beer, ”I do this thing with my mouth where I tell his mates to piss off.”

A short moment of silence arises, and then both Liam and Louis break out in laughter. Niall leans against the back of the sofa once more with a proud smile. He turns to Harry and pats him on the thigh. Harry has never been more attracted to him. Niall’s hand squeezes his thigh and he takes a drink from the can in his hand, keeping his eyes locked with Harry’s. Harry can’t stop the smile from reaching his lips and he folds his arms over his chest and looks away because Niall is too good. He is instead met with Louis’ eyes, who smiles at him.

Things flow smoothly after that. Harry relaxes enough and they have a few beers each. Liam and Louis start telling Niall about their ”uni adventures” as they like to call them. Harry would call it idiocy. They did have fun, though. Louis tells the story about the time after a night out and Liam had grabbed a bin to throw up into and ended up with his head stuck in it. Then he tells Niall about when they were at some house party and Harry had gotten drunk enough to make a horrendous attempt at breakdancing and his jeans split right up his bum.

”Of course, this was when he wore those ridiculously tight jeans,” Liam adds while Niall laughs, ”looked like they were painted on.”

”You wore tight jeans, too!” Harry defends but laughs, because while it was highly embarrassing then, he has learned to laugh about it.

”We did, but ours weren’t tight enough to split,” says Louis and bops Harry on the nose. Harry moved down to the floor approximately two beers ago. Niall and Liam have sprawled out on the sofa, have claimed a corner each and their legs are tangled. It warms Harry’s heart.

Then Liam starts talking about some girl they knew who always carried snacks in her purse when they went out clubbing. ”I can’t remember her name,” Liam groans and taps his finger repeatedly on his thigh, ”but wasn’t she friends with Anna?”

And then both he and Louis freeze and not very discreetly looks to Harry.

Harry sighs. ”He knows about Anna. And wasn’t it Lauren who always had snacks?”

”Lauren!” Liam exclaims and nods, ”Yeah, Lauren.”

”So you knew Anna, then?” Niall asks with an air on nonchalance that doesn’t seem entirely real to Harry.

”Yup. We used to pregame with her and her mates all the time,” says Liam. ”She was so fucking fit.”

”Liam,” Louis sighs under his breath. He turns to Niall. ”What matters is that she’s a cunt.”

”Louis,” Harry groans and shoves his face into the carpet.

”It’s _true_! Did you know, Niall, that she _refused_ to put him on the birth certificate? He had to do a paternity test!”

Niall chokes on his sip of beer. ”Really?”

”Yeah. And she didn’t even tell him when she was going into labour, he only found out about it the day after!”

”No,” Niall breathes out in disbelief.

Harry keeps his face in the carpet. This conversation is not something he wants to be part of. In a way, he appreciates that Louis tells Niall this, because it’s too painful to retell it himself. But it’s painful hearing about it, too. He remembers too vividly the phone call when she told him that she had had the baby but how he didn’t need to worry, because she was going to give him up. Him. Harry hadn’t even known the sex and suddenly he had a son that wasn’t going to be his. He remembers too vividly getting to the hospital because he had to see him, had to hold him just once, had to experience what was his son.

He remembers holding him. This tiny little human. He didn’t even look like a person yet. He had his tiny hands clenched into fists and his skull was completely bare, not a single hair on his head. He fussed and then he opened his eyes and he looked right at Harry and Harry knew at once that he couldn’t let anyone else be this person’s father. He was filled with this instant and enormous love that he had never felt before. It filled him to the brim and marked him. And then it never left. Liam and Louis was there with him and he looked up from _his son’s_ tiny face and he swallowed around the lump in his throat and he said ”I need to keep him,” and they nodded understandingly and that was that.

He remembers too vividly the legal proceedings. The DNA tests, the fighting. How he begged to be allowed to take his son home with him, but was told no. All the tears he cried. The court. The judge who didn’t want to give him full custody at first, not until Anna nearly screamed how she wanted nothing to do with their son. The painful words she hurled. If Harry wants it so bad, let him have it. Let him have it.

He remembers taking his son home. His mum had looked through her attic after his and Gemma’s old baby clothes she had saved. He moved back in with her. Dropped out of uni and stayed up through the nights when his son had colic. And he named him Hugo. They share initials, he and his son. It felt paramount that they should have that connection. Harry and Hugo Styles.

”It was so weird,” Liam says, ”because she was dead set on keeping him and then she just made a one eighty and became the meanest bitch on earth.”

”Like I said, a cunt.”

”And like, she didn’t even have a reason to be like that,” Liam continues, ”Harry was being very respectful of her wishes when she wanted to raise him on her own. And the pregnancy was an honest mistake that she shouldn’t even have been allowed to blame Harry for! Harry, you wore a condom, didn’t you? This was how I learned that they’re not a hundred percent safe.”

”Can we talk about something else?” Harry lifts his head from the carpet and when he opens his eyes, they’re wet. ”And my son is not a mistake.”

”No, he’s not,” Louis agrees and pats him lovingly on the cheek. ”He’s the best result of a faulty condom I know.”

Harry leans his head into Louis’ hand and looks at Niall. He realises that Niall probably shouldn’t hear these things from Liam and Louis and that there are more things to know. But Niall doesn’t look angry or disappointed when he meets Harry’s eye. He looks sad. And he crawls down onto the floor and over to Harry and Louis and presses his lips to Harry’s, with Harry’s head still resting in Louis’ hand.

”I’m very sorry for everything you had to go through,” he whispers and then kisses Harry’s forehead.

”Ugh,” Louis scoffs and pulls his hand away, effectively dropping Harry’s head down onto the carpet. He pushes at Niall’s shoulder. ”Stop being so perfect, Niall. It’s annoying.”

”Yeah, Niall,” Harry grins from the floor, ”stop being so perfect.”

”Watch it,” Niall attempts at sounding threatening, but the laughter in his voice gives him away.

”Liam, why don’t we tell Niall about that time Harry decided to go for a swim in the middle of the night?”

”Or, I can tell Niall about that time you pissed yourself on the dance floor,” Harry says.

”Yes, that one,” says Niall and gets comfortable on the floor, putting his head on Harry’s stomach.

When Liam and Louis leave - far too late for Harry at least, who has to get up in not that many hours and make breakfast for Hugo - they are all a bit too drunk and Harry is very happy. He has the best friends. He hugs Louis and then Liam and then both of them at the same time and they hug him back with as much force.

”I love you,” Harry whispers into their shoulders and they whisper it back. Liam reaches out and grabs Niall by the shirt and pulls him into the hug as well. Niall eagerly puts his arms around them and puts his head on Liam’s shoulder. Harry squeezes them tighter.

”How long are we gonna do this for, then?” Louis asks after a while and they erupt in laugher.

When they’ve left, Harry pushes Niall up against the door and kisses him. And kisses him and kisses him. Niall touches him everywhere. Harry is drunk and happy and the words in his heart scream at him and it has never been harder to ignore them. Niall kisses him like he never wants to stop. Harry feels not only drunk on beer but also on him.

”Let’s go to bed,” he says and Niall nods. Harry stops on the way to his room, though, to check on Hugo. His heart might burst if he doesn’t.

Hugo is sleeping, as expected. The duvet has slipped down to his waist and he is on his side, mouth hanging open. Olivia lies nestled against his chest. Harry sits down carefully and pulls the duvet up to Hugo’s shoulders. Strokes him over the hair. It’s unbelievable that this clever, kind and loving boy is the same small human that looked Harry in the eye and changed his life forever. The past five years have gone by so fast, and still it seems like a lifetime ago that he was born. Harry’s life before Hugo doesn’t seem like the same existence.

Niall is already in bed when Harry steps into the room. He gets under the covers and turns on his side to face Niall, who does the same. Niall reaches out and takes Harry’s hand. They simply look at each other. Niall looks at Harry with the softest eyes.

”I know I say it a lot but you really are the best dad. You’re so fucking admirable.”

Harry feels his cheeks heat up. He doesn’t know what to say. Niall squeezes his hand.

”Does he ever ask about her?”

”They did a project last term at school.” Harry wets his lips. ”On families. Different constellations. He asked about her, then. Why he didn’t have a mum. And I’d been preparing for that question since day one, you know, but I still didn’t know what to say. I don’t want to lie to him, but you can’t really tell a four year old that his mum didn’t want anything to do with him.”

Niall brings Harry’s hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles.

”I told him that he has a mum, but she can’t be with us. That she needed to be somewhere else but that she loves him very much.” He takes a deep breath. ”I should probably tell him the truth at some point when he’s older.”

Niall shrugs his shoulders. ”That’s a problem for later, I think.”

”Yeah.”

”Can I see her?”

Harry turns around and grabs his phone from the nightstand. The only photos he has are from drunken uni nights, but some of them are half decent. He scrolls and taps on one of the best ones. It’s of her and one of her friends, toasting to the camera with big smiles on their faces. He hands the phone to Niall. ”The one on the left.”

Niall studies it carefully. ”I thought he looks just like you, but there’s so much of her in him, too.”

Harry nods. ”He’s got her smile. It’s the exact same.”

Niall locks the phone and hands it back. ”I always heard two beautiful people can’t make beautiful children, but you two sure managed.”

Harry chuckles. ”He might grow up and turn into an ogre.”

Niall smiles and looks at him fondly. ”He’s very lucky to have you.”

Harry scoots closer and kisses him. The words in his heart are wailing. They’ve grown in size and his heart is ripping at the seams with how big they are. Life right now feels so fucking delightful.

Until it doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Published as the next work in this series is a scene referenced in this chapter. It's called 'wrapped in gold' and I recommend reading it either after chapter 17 or after chapter 18.


	18. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

It happens like this:

The morning after Liam and Louis has visited, Harry wakes up with a mouth that feels exactly like what he imagines the Sahara desert to feel like. He smacks his lips together. His tongue has transformed into a dry lump of clay and his head is pounding viciously. He cracks one eye open to see if he was bright enough last night to leave a glass of water for himself on the nightstand. No such luck. What he sees instead is the reason as to why he has woken up.

By the bed stands Hugo.

”I’m hungry.”

”Alright,” Harry croaks out and turns to look at Niall who is still sleeping. He’s on his back and the duvet has slipped down to reveal his pale chest. Harry covers him up and sits up. He groans when the pounding in his head intensifies.

”Are you sick?”

”No,” Harry sighs and rubs his eyes. ”Okay, let’s get you breakfast.”

He pours a big glass of water for himself in the kitchen and downs it over the sink before refilling it. His head is pounding with each movement. He rubs his temple and hands Hugo the bread.

”Pop some in the toaster, please.” He fills another glass with water and takes it into his bedroom, placing it on Niall’s side of the bed. When he returns to the kitchen he finds Hugo rooting through the fridge. Harry takes the leftover bolognese from his hand and puts it back inside.

Niall comes into the kitchen when Harry and Hugo are sitting at the table. Hugo is happily munching on toast and telling Harry about his dream where he rode a horse. Harry is sipping his coffee and only listening with half an ear. He looks up when Niall enters, carrying the now empty glass Harry put by the bed. He has put on joggers and Harry’s Britney Spears tee shirt and looks very much like shit. And yet, Harry’s heart makes a leap at the mere sight of him.

”There’s coffee in the pot.”

Niall nods in thanks and pours himself a cup. He sits down next to Hugo and looks suspiciously at the piece of unbuttered toast Harry is nibbling on. His hair is a ruffled mess and his eyes are swollen. He takes a long sip of the coffee.

”I didn’t realise we had so much to drink last night.”

”Me neither. And I never drink anymore so my tolerance is shit,” Harry says and then winces when Hugo gasps at the word choice.

”Daddy!”

”I know, I know. Let’s pretend I didn’t say that, yeah?”

Niall plucks Hugo’s toast from his hand and takes a bite before handing it back. He chews slowly and breathes out through his nose. He meets Harry’s eye and looks pained. Harry reaches out across the table and puts his hand over Niall’s.

”Hugo,” Harry says, ”what do you say about spending today on the sofa in our pyjamas and watch movies?”

Hugo nods happily.

They do as planned and spend the day on the sofa. Niall sits down in one corner and Harry lays down with his head in Niall’s lap with Hugo resting on his chest. Niall combs through Harry’s hair with his fingers and Harry relaxes enough to fall into that state where you are not asleep but not entirely awake. He misses large parts of Cars, but that’s appreciated. After Cars, they watch Toy Story and Niall makes them sarnies for lunch. At one point, Hugo decides that he is too warm in his pyjamas and takes off his trousers, sitting in only his pants and tee shirt. Harry takes the trousers and puts them on his head, throwing the striped legs over his shoulders like he would with hair. Hugo giggles delightedly and Niall says, ”You’d look good in long hair, pet.”

”I did, I’ve been told,” Harry says and takes the trousers off his head.

”Daddy had long hair when I was little,” Hugo fills in and takes his trousers from Harry to put them on his own head. Harry helps him adjust them.

”Really?”

”Yeah!” Hugo runs off to the bookcase in the corner and takes out his photo album. He places it in Niall’s lap. ”Look!”

Niall looks down at the album on which Harry has written _Hugo Robin Styles_ in his best handwriting. ”Of course you’ve gone and actually developed photos,” he says to Harry with fondness. Harry shrugs his shoulders and smiles. He scoots closer to Niall so he can look at the photos, as well. He doesn’t do this often enough, he thinks.

On the first page is a photo that Louis sneakily captured during their visit to the hospital after Hugo was born. It’s of Harry with his long hair tied up into a bun and in his arms he is cradling a day old Hugo. He is wrinkly and still quite red and is wearing an enormous nappy. The hospital tag is loose on his ankle.

”That’s the first time I held him.”

”You can't really see how long the hair is,” says Hugo who doesn’t know what they spoke about yesterday.

Niall kisses Harry’s shoulder before turning the page.

”Look!” Hugo points excitedly to the first photo. Harry pulls him down onto his lap.

It’s the photo that Harry also has framed on the shelf in the kitchen, where he sits with Hugo resting on his thighs. His long, curly hair is let down and tucked behind his ears. Harry wonders how Niall has never seen this photo, before.

”Wow,” says Niall, ”I assumed you meant like, hair down to your shoulders but this is long hair, for real. You look like a prince.”

Harry hides his smile in Hugo’s shoulder.

Niall keeps looking through the photos. There is one of Hugo and and his granny, one where Gemma has dressed Hugo up as a teddy bear. Niall stops and looks at a photo of a short haired Harry, looking tired with dark bags beneath his eyes. Strapped to his chest in a Baby Björn carrier is a sleeping Hugo. Despite the obvious tiredness, Harry is smiling brightly.

”I cut my hair a few months after he was born,” Harry supplies.

”Why?”

”New beginnings.”

Niall looks at him kindly and then focuses his attention on the photos once more. Watches Hugo grow up, captured in colour. Louis, holding a barely one year old Hugo up, supporting him as he stands on his thighs, dressed in a Doncaster Rovers kit. Hugo standing up without help for the first time. Hugo dressed in Harry’s ratty old Rolling Stones tee shirt and it is so big on him that it falls down to his feet, covering his toes. Hugo and Harry, both of them covered in baby food. Hugo and Harry’s late stepfather building a sandcastle. Hugo, having recently mastered running, chasing Liam. Harry and Hugo on the beach as Harry puts those inflatable armbands on Hugo’s arms. Hugo running after a ball. Hugo and Gemma showing off some Christmas tree ornaments they’d made. Hugo and granny in a warm hug.

Hugo eagerly supplies the names and titles of everyone pictured in the photos with him, even pointing out his Uncle Liam and Uncle Louis despite Niall having met them. Harry is suddenly washed over with a dark anguish. It comes crashing down at him all at once. It becomes difficult to breathe. Here sits Niall and looks at Harry and Hugo’s life through pictures. There is so much he doesn’t know and even more he cannot ever understand.He is learning about their life through individual scenes captured in frozen frames.

Harry looks back at the past month during which he essentially has played house with Niall. What was he thinking? It becomes clear now how little Niall knows and how little he understands. It has moved too fast. Harry has allowed himself to play pretend. He has allowed himself to imagine and act out a life in which he can have it all, his Hugo and his Niall, allowed himself into a bubble of their holy trinity.

A false bubble.

Because he’s known Niall for three months. Niall is learning about these monumental milestones in Harry and Hugo’s lives without even realising their significance. But the thought- the thought of even attempting to explain is too frightening. The thought of having Niall see it all is too intimidating, too terrifying to even comprehend. It also isn’t something Harry is allowed. He has fooled himself. He has fooled himself into thinking that this is something he can have. This isn’t what he promised himself. This wasn’t what was meant to happen. Harry has completely forgotten. It was meant to be him and Hugo. Harry and Hugo. This isn’t prioritising his son. This isn’t protecting him. This is selfish. It doesn’t work like this.

His breath hitches. He can’t believe what he’s done. He’s completely gone against himself.

For this wonderful person with the kindest eyes and the kindest heart - for Niall, who’s gone and written these words in his heart that Harry can’t bear himself to read. They’re not supposed to be there. They were never meant to be written. They have been shouting at him, begging relentlessly for the attention he has refused them. They have distracted him from seeing what has been happening.

He closes his eyes. He can’t sit here and watch as Niall flips through the pages of Hugo and Harry’s life without seeing. Can’t look at his smile, can’t look at Hugo’s hand resting on his forearm. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. Didn’t Louis say, when he and Liam convinced Harry to go for a drink with Niall, that it was all it had to be? Just a drink? How did it become this? How did Harry let this happen?

”I need a wee,” he mumbles and lifts Hugo off his lap. He stands up and Hugo instantly moves close to Niall so he can show him the photos. Harry doesn’t stay and watch. He locks himself in the bathroom and shoves the palms of his hands hard into his eye sockets. He attempts at a deep breath, but it’s shaky and Harry sits down on the toilet lid. His breathing is uneven. He moves his hands from his face to his hair and clutches tightly at the strands. His heart is racing. His hands are numbing. Time is speeding up and slowing down at the same time.

He is losing control. He needs to focus. He needs to focus. Needs to focus. Focus. Focus. He opens a drawer next to the sink. Finds an old deodorant. Ingredients. Aqua, Aluminum Chlorohydrate, PPG-15 Stearyl Ether, Steareth-2, Steareth-21, Aluminum Sesquichlorohydrate, Parfum.

He takes a deep breath.

Zinc Citrate, Menthoxypropanediol, Persea Gratissima Oil, Trisodium EDTA, BHT, Limonene, Linalool, Coumarin, Geraniol.

He clutches the deodorant tightly in his hand. Takes another deep breath. He reads the list of ingredients again. One more time. Again. His heart starts calming down, resuming slowly to its normal beat. He leans his head back on the wall and closes his eyes.

What is he going to do? How is he going to move on from this horrible, horrible revelation? Can he move on? His mind is spinning. He throws the deodorant back into the drawer and stands up. Runs the water in the tap on cold and washes his face. Avoids looking himself in the mirror because he doesn’t want to see himself right now, doesn’t want to see the person who has fooled himself so terribly.

It feels strange that he should now leave the bathroom. He probably hasn’t even been here for more than ten minutes, even though it feels like an eternity. How is he gonna act now? Should he just pretend like everything is normal and that he didn’t just narrowly avoid a complete breakdown? Harry feels strangely empty. He leans his forehead on the door and closes his eyes. He needs to sort out his priorities. This shouldn’t even be difficult. It isn’t. Hugo comes first. Since the day he was born, he comes first. Always.

Harry’s fingers move automatically to where Hugo’s name is tattooed in black ink on his forearm. He traces the name without opening his eyes and breathes deeply. He needs to fix this. He needs to put Hugo first. He needs time, though, to figure out how to do this. How to end this.

His hands still don’t feel quite like his own when he unlocks the door and leaves the bathroom.

”Any requests about dinner?” He calls out into the living room, trying his best to appear normal.

”Eggs!” Hugo shouts and Harry stops in his tracks. He pokes his head through the doorway and looks at his son.

”Eggs?”

”Yeah! Scrambled eggs, please,” Hugo says. He is still sitting next to Niall, who has now shut the photo album and is showing Hugo something on his phone. Niall looks up at Harry and smiles.

”I… sure, why not?” Harry says and goes to the kitchen. Scrambled eggs sounds like itrequires about exactly the amount of effort he is capable of right now. He’s cracking eggs into a bowl when Niall joins him in the kitchen.

”You alright, pet? You were in the bathroom for quite some time.” He comes up behind Harry and kisses him on the neck. Harry melts at the feeling of his soft lips and then swears silently at himself. Niall wraps his arms around Harry’s waist, hugging him close from behind and placing his head on Harry’s shoulder. His embrace is warm and Harry can’t help but lean into it. He can feel the smile on Niall’s lips when he kisses Harry’s neck.

Niall makes it so fucking difficult. He makes Harry feel both physically bigger and smaller at the same time. He smells like home. He looks at Harry like he is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He embraces him like it is all he is meant to do. It takes all of Harry’s willpower to not let himself sink into Niall completely at this moment.

Somehow he manages to shake off the enormous entity that is Niall and resume the cooking. Somehow he manages to sit at the table with Niall and Hugo and eat scrambled eggs while watching them interact like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Somehow he manages to watch more telly with Niall snuggled up against him. Somehow he manages to witness Hugo climbing onto Niall’s back and use him as transportation to his bedroom. Somehow he manages to fall into bed next to Niall without breaking down as Niall engulfs him in his arms.

——

There are no words in the English language to describe how Harry feels. All through the next day, all he can think about is what needs to be done. He can’t stop thinking about how fucking _stupid_ he’s been. He hates this. He hates having to do this. But he’s the only one to blame for this, isn’t he? He’s the one who broke his promise to himself. He’s the one who allowed himself to be captured by Niall’s wonderfulness.

Sheila notices at work, of course. Ever since Harry confided in her about his nervousness about telling Hugo about him and Niall - which seems like almost an entire lifetime ago, despite only a month having passed since - she has been eagerly begging him for more updates.

”I have lost all hope about my own son ever having a family, this is all I’ll ever have,” she said one day and put the kettle on. And so, Harry has been feeding her with updates on the situation. She wept when Harry told her about how he cried when Hugo had asked Niall to read him his bedtime story. She has been hugging him an awful lot and one day even brought him a Victoria sponge she had made. Harry accepted it with confusion and she blushed a little and said ”take it home to your boys,” and rubbed his arm and Harry did.

She has been so excited and so elated and this has certainly only amplified the illusion Harry has been residing in and now she very clearly can tell that the bubble has burst. She offers to take all the calls if he handles the emails for today and Harry sends her a thankful smile before locking himself in the bathroom for a bit. This morning was… well, it was a lot. Harry lay awake for a long time yesterday, long after Niall had fallen asleep and was snoring softly in Harry’s ear. At some point during the night, Harry turned around in Niall’s arms to look at him. The dark room made it difficult to see him properly, but Harry could see enough. Niall’s relaxed face, his mouth hanging open a bit and breathing out warm puffs of air. His long eyelashes and his straight nose. It’s no wonder he managed to make Harry forget about his promise to himself. He is the most beautiful person Harry has ever seen and his beauty has doubled in size during the days Harry has been allowed to lay his eyes on him. His warm hands. His kind eyes. His exploding laughter. His soft voice. His infectious smile. His clever wit. His taste in music. His way of talking. His careful touches. These are all things that captured Harry, fooled him into believing in something disallowed. These are all things that make Niall completely irresistible. Harry has to be strong. He allowed himself during the night to look at Niall, to really look. The freckles under his eyes, the tips of his ears. These are all things Harry will have to say goodbye to.

He knows that he needs to end this. He knows that he can’t have Niall. But he doesn’t know how to tell him. It’s all he can think about. Harry is in the fault, here. He has lead Niall on. Not intentionally, but he has. He has made Niall believe that this is something they can have. He has locked himself in the toilet, just to give himself some room to think, away from Sheila and the phone and the emails. It’s not really helping.

”Harry, luvvie?” Sheila knocks on the toilet door. ”I’ve got a cuppa waiting for you out here.”

Harry sighs and squeezes his eyes shut. He unlocks the door and is met with her big eyes. She smiles sympathetically at him.

”Do you wanna talk about what’s troubling you, dear?”

Harry shakes his head. ”No, but I’ll have that cuppa, please.”

Tea, the brew that heals all wounds and brings comfort in the saddest of moments, does nothing to help with Harry’s anxiety. But it does keep him somewhat occupied, so it helps in some way, at least. Doesn’t stop him from being a right mess, though.

He is still a mess when he picks Hugo up from school and is still a mess as their afternoon passes. Hugo can tell something is off, of course, and does his homework with minimal complaining. Somehow, it only makes things worse. All this anxiety is bubbling within him and it needs a release, not coddling.

Niall comes home - no, not home. He comes to Harry and Hugo’s home not long after Hugo has gone to sleep. He lets himself in with the spare key Harry had lent him after a few days in the bubble, which Niall had thanked him for with a fantastic blowjob. He sticks his head around the doorframe to the living room where Harry is watching _Pointless_ and holds up a jug of milk with a smile.

”Hi pet, I got milk.” His head disappears and Harry hears his footsteps take off toward the kitchen. All the anxiousness Harry has been carrying around all day blows up in an enormous explosion, transforming instead into a bottomless rage. It’s sudden and takes Harry by surprise, instantly bringing his heart beat up.

”Why?” he barks in a voice that doesn’t sound like his own. He stands up from the sofa and follows Niall into the kitchen. Niall is just putting the milk in the fridge, and turns to Harry with a smile.

”Because I noticed this morning that we’re running out.” His smile slowly fades away and is replaced by a look of confusion when he sees Harry’s hostile appearance.

”’We’? _Me and Hugo_ were running low on milk.” Harry can feel the anger sizzling under his skin, itching and burning.

”What’re you doing, Harry?” Niall sounds confused and his eyebrows have drawn together.

”You don’t live here, Niall.” Harry almost spits the words out, articulating each one harshly. His chest is heaving.

Niall’s mouth falls open and he looks out of the window, then down at the shoes he is still wearing. He clears his throat and looks up. ”I know that.” His voice has dropped in volume. He scratches lightly at his forearm. ”I realise that things have been- moving fast. I thought this is what we both wanted, but I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m sorry. We’ll slow things down, yeah? I’ll go home and sleep in my own bed.” He sounds sincere and offers Harry a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

”No.”

”No? What d’you mean?” Niall takes a step toward him, but Harry takes one backwards. Niall’s eyes widen. ”Harry?”

”I mean no. No more of _this_.” He points between them angrily. He can feel his anger fading and tries desperately to hold onto it, because replacing it is a panic that is slowly rising in his chest.

”What?” Niall stands frozen and looks straight at Harry, doesn’t blink.

”I’m ending this.” His pulse is quickening.

”Wh- _why_?” Niall suddenly looks very, very small.

”Because this wasn’t supposed to happen.” Harry grips the doorframe tightly.

” _What_ wasn’t supposed to happen?”

”This!” Harry barks out, ”You and me!”

A desperation grows in Niall’s eyes and in his face. ”What’s happened, Harry? Did I do something?”

Harry shakes his head.

”Where's this coming from, then?” Niall pleads. ”I don’t understand.”

Harry closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. ”This was a mistake.”

”What do you mean, a mistake?”

Harry simply shakes his head.

”Why?” Niall half shouts, desperation clear in his voice. ”Why would this be a mistake, Harry?”

”I promised myself,” Harry grits through his teeth and grips the doorframe tighter. His whole body aches. ”I need to prioritise Hugo.”

”But you are!” Niall is shouting now, and throws his arms out. ”You put him first, every day! You’re doing everything right!”

Harry shakes his head. ”You don’t understand.”

”No, I bloody don’t!” Niall walks up to him until their feet almost touch. There’s anger in his eyes now, as well. His face is hard. ”I don’t understand, because what you’re saying isn’t true.”

”You need to consider-” Harry begins, but Niall cuts him off.

”No, you consider _this_ , Harry.” His voice cuts through Harry’s skin. He looks him straight in the eye. ”I’m falling in love with you. And I’m falling in love with him, too,” he points in the direction of Hugo’s bedroom. ”I _adore_ your son and I adore _you_.” He pokes Harry hard in the chest and pauses for a moment, but his eyes never leave Harry’s. His words feel like a slap to the face and Harry’s breath staggers. ”And you’re falling in love with me, too,” Niall continues with confidence, ”I haven’t misread that.”

Harry can’t speak. The words in his heart are screaming, pounding at the walls and deafening him.

”And we _work_ ,” Niall says. ”We fit, Harry. What we have is so good.”

Harry shakes his head. His hands are numbing. He licks his lips. ”I need to priori-”

”Enough!” Niall hits Harry in the chest with his open palm, but it’s weak, without malice. ”Stop using him like a fucking excuse!”

”It’s not an excuse.”

”Yes, it is!” Niall takes a few steps back and pushes his palms into his eyes, his back curling forward. ”You’re just scared, Harry!” He drops his hands from his eyes and looks back at Harry. His voice cracks. ”You’re scared. And it’s probably my fault, because I can’t hide-” he takes a shaky breath, ”how much you mean to me, so soon.”

Harry shakes his head again. ”No, no. I’m not scared,” he breathes out. The words feel like tar on his tongue. Niall looks at him for what feels like forever.

”Please don’t do this,” he says finally. His eyes are begging.

”You have to understand.” Harry swallows. ”I need to do what’s best for Hugo.”

”Please-”

”You - you sell your body. It’s not good f-”

”I’m not a prostitute, Harry.” Niall’s voice is low and dripping with venom. He stares at Harry for a moment, his eyes burning holes in Harry’s, and then he pushes past Harry through the doorway. Harry turns, letting go of the doorframe and watches as Niall picks up his bag that he had left on the floor by the door. It feels somewhat like a thread has been tied around his body, tethering him to Niall. It’s pulled taught, stretched out far. Harry’s heart is beating fast.

”I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Niall says. For a moment they stand there looking at each other. Harry can’t believe he’s doing this, either. Niall’s eyes are glassy and his shoulders are drooping. The words in Harry’s heart are screaming at him.

Niall opens the door and leaves. The thread snaps in two.

Harry looks at the door. The flat feels eerily quiet. His heart beats hard. A feeling creeps up on him, an uncomfortable feeling, saying that perhaps this was a mistake. Harry ignores it and wills his feet to move and he makes his round around the flat, turning all the lights off and then retreats to his bedroom. He gets into bed and slips on his headphones. His hands are shaking. Scrolls through the songs on his Spotify and presses play when he finds the one he’s looking for. Then he closes his eyes and reads the now bleeding words in his heart for the very first time. They are weeping, wounded and fragile. And they’re large, even bigger than Harry had suspected. He holds them in his hands, their blood dripping through his fingers.

_Don't they know it's the end of the world?_

_It ended when I lost your love_

Harry cries. He puts Skeeter Davis on repeat and cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song Harry listens to is The end of the world by Skeeter Davis, go listen to it if you haven't heard it, it's beautiful


	19. CHAPTER NINETEEN

”You’re a fucking idiot, Harry.”

”I was right.”

”What the fuck do you mean you’re right?”

”He left.”

”He left because you pushed him away! What, did you think he was gonna go down on his knees and beg? He’s got more dignity than that.”

Harry sighs.

”I don’t even _understand_ what the fuck you did that for,” Louis continues over the phone, ”What were you thinking? He makes you _happy_.”

”Yeah,” Harry breathes out and hangs his head.

”And he wasn’t an abusive prick.”

”No.”

”And he treated Hugo well.”

”Yeah.”

”Yeah? You’re mad, absolutely fucking mad.”

”I didn’t call because I wanted you to shout at me.”

”No, but it’s all you deserve right now. I don’t _understand_ , Harry. When me and Li were there on Saturday you seemed happy and fucking in _love_. What the fuck changed in _two fucking days_?”

”Hugo showed him photos,” Harry leans back against the back of the sofa and tilts his head back, ”from when he was younger. I realised how much he doesn’t know.”

Louis is quiet for a moment and then says: ”I can’t believe this. Are you _seriously_ telling me that you broke up with him because of a bad feeling you got when you were _hungover_ and full of fucking chemical anxiety?”

Harry winces. ”Of course it sounds bad when you put it like that. But I promised myself I would prioritise-”

”Bollocks.”

Harry closes his eyes.

”Did you use that excuse on Niall, too?”

Harry doesn’t bother replying.

”Fuckin’ ’ell,” Louis sighs, ”you had to insult him as well, didn’t you?”

”It’s not an insult,” Harry defends.

”It is. It’s insulting that you’d lie to his face instead of admitting that you’re scared. And I get that, mate, I do. Your stakes are higher. And I get that you probably didn’t expect to fall in love so soon and that’s scary, too.”

”Please stop,” Harry whispers and hugs his free arm tight around his chest. It feels too tight. He hardly slept at all last night and the feeling of having made a horrible mistake has only grown. Hearing Louis say these things feels like a slap to the face.

Louis sighs. ”It’s true, though, innit?”

Harry can’t hold back the tears that suddenly start running. He pushes his closed fist against his mouth to muffle the sobs. His whole body is crying. His whole body is _aching_.

”I fucked up.” He pulls the words out from his belly with difficulty. They are rotten and ugly.

”It’s not too late,” says Louis soothingly but it only makes Harry’s sobs greater.

”I- I all but c-called him a wh-whore,” he forces out.

”Why the fuck would you do that for?”

Harry groans and sobs at the same time. It’s a very unattractive sound. He feels it in his entire body, now. He has made a fucking huge mistake. He feels it down to his toes. What has he done? Louis is right - he’s mad. Who in their right mind would throw away the amazing thing that was forming between him and Niall?

”Harry, you seriously need to call him.”

That’s the opposite of what Harry needs to do. Not after what he said. Not after how he insulted him and denied the truth Niall was telling. He is scared. He got scared and lashed out like a cornered, frightened animal. Anguish washes over him in large waves, coming in close enough to not let him up for air. It’s sticky and gooey and covers him completely.

He found Niall. Beautiful, kind, wonderful Niall. With the most incredible laughter. Niall, who listens to the same music as Harry. Smart and funny Niall. With the most gorgeous eyes and smile, and warm strong hands. Niall, who smells like home. He made Harry feel safe. He made him feel beautiful and wanted. Hugo adored him and Niall adored him back. Niall, who was falling in love with Harry.

And Harry who was- Harry,

Harry threw it away. The best thing to happen to him since Hugo and he went and cocked it up. He absolutely cannot call Niall. It’s not possible.

”I can’t,” he sobs into the phone.

”Not now, obviously,” Louis snorts, ”we don’t want you to embarrass yourself. Do it tomorrow.”

This forces an involuntary laugh out of Harry. He clutches the phone tightly in his hand and wipes at his eyes with the other. He has somehow in his crying flopped over from a sitting position into laying down on the sofa. He sits up slowly and takes a deep, shaky breath. His tears are still falling but the sobbing is ebbing out, thanks to the surprised laugh. The anxiety isn’t, though. Harry swallows around the lump in his throat.

”I really can’t,” he says and hiccups. ”I ruined it.”

”He loves you.”

”He doesn’t love me. He was falling in love, he wasn’t there yet.”

”Christ,” Louis sighs, ”stop being so fucking dense, mate. Do you really think that’s true? It’s clear as day that he loves you. It’s in his eyes.”

Harry wipes at his eyes again. ”It’s scary,” he whispers and exhales shakily. He feels so fucking small.

”It is, yeah.”

”Hugo asked about him this morning,” Harry confesses after a moment of silence. ”Wondered where he was.”

”What’d you tell him?”

”That he was at home. That he would stay there and not come over anymore.”

”Alright,” Louis sighs, and Harry can picture him rubbing at his jaw. ”What’d he say?”

”He was sad. Didn’t really understand, I think.”

Hugo asks again about Niall the next morning, and again when Harry picks him up from school.

”Is Niall coming today?”

”No,” says Harry and puts Hugo’s helmet on his head. He feels empty after his talk with Louis last night. Well, not empty entirely. A large portion of his body is filled with regret and sadness, but he feels strangely hollow in his chest. The words in his heart are quiet. They have retreated into a corner, still fully visible, but they don’t make any noise. That is perhaps the worst part, because now, Harry can’t help but read them. Every time he does feels like like a punch to the stomach. Maybe it is what he deserves.

”Why not?”

”Because I made a mistake,” Harry sighs and squats down in front of Hugo. He holds onto Hugo’s bike for support.

”What mistake?”

”I lied.”

Hugo’s eyes widen comically. ”But you’re not supposed to lie!”

”I know, it was very stupid of me.”

”Why did you do it, then?” Hugo looks very serious, and looks straight at Harry with the honest search for answers that only children have.

”I was scared,” Harry admits. ”And instead of being brave like you are when you’re scared, I was a coward and I lied and I told him that I don’t want to be with him anymore.”

Hugo ponders his answer for a while, absentmindedly touching the clasp on his helmet. Harry stands up, his knees are starting to protest. He pulls Hugo’s bike out from the bike rack and Hugo grabs the handlebar.

”Why were you scared?” Hugo asks eventually and Harry pauses his movements of getting his own bike. He looks at Hugo who peers up at him with his eyebrows drawn close.

”I don’t really wanna talk about that.”

Hugo keeps looking up at him, and then nods once and looks down.

”Perhaps another time,” Harry offers, ”but not now.”

They bike home and life returns to what it was before Niall. Their daily routine shifts back. In the mornings, it’s only them at the kitchen table and there is no Niall to send them off at the door, hugging Hugo and kissing Harry. It’s only Harry who helps Hugo with his homework and it’s only Harry who cooks dinner and does the dishes. Harry is the one to read to Hugo every night. He goes to bed alone and wakes up alone in a bed that seems far too big now. The kitchen table is too big and the sofa is too big. The flat is too quiet without Niall’s humming and the bathroom sink is too clean without his clutter. Harry cleaned away all his stuff after a few days of painfully looking at his toothbrush and his deodorant and his razor. He couldn’t bear to throw them out, though; he chucked them in a plastic bag along with the clothes and guitar Niall kept there and put them in the back of his closet.

For five nights, Niall’s pillow still smelt like him.

Harry and Hugo have returned to their lives as they once were, but it doesn’t feel the same. What once felt complete now feels empty. Harry keeps looking to the place on the floor where Niall would put his shoes, keeps looking at the chair at the table that had become Niall’s, keeps looking at the sofa table where Niall would deposit his headphones when he came home. He keeps being surprised to find these spaces empty. He was used to sleeping alone every night and having his bed to himself but now it is almost excruciatingly lonely.

Hugo feels it, too. The empty space Niall has left behind. Harry observes how he keeps turning to Niall’s chair during dinner as if to tell him something, and then his face falls when he remembers that Niall is not there. He says to Harry as Harry is tucking him in for bed one night, a few days after Harry’s mistake, ”I miss Niall”. Harry sighs and nods, tells him ”yeah, me too” and then he cries after leaving Hugo’s room. He had been so intent on protecting his son, shielding him from the consequences of a breakup, and then he went and caused it himself. He fucked up so bad. Harry hadn’t realised that the impact Niall made was permanent. But how couldn’t it be? Someone as amazing as Niall is bound to make a lasting impression. Their lives have returned to what they were before Niall, but only on the surface.

Harry has never missed anyone this much. Hugo has never been away from him for more than a weekend a couple of times. His heart has felt strangely tight during those times, crying out for Hugo like a confused animal. The way he misses Niall is different. It feels like his heart is pulled in all directions at once. The loss of Niall sits deep in the pit of his stomach, weighing him down. Everything aches, constantly. This feeling is perhaps even more scary than the words in his heart. He had no idea how much Niall had come to mean to him. It’s frightening how much significance someone can gain, so quickly.

It’s like the loss of a limb. Of losing a leg and having to relearn how to walk. Harry finds himself stumbling through his days, unsteady. But he hasn’t spent his whole life with Niall by his side, has known him for a total of three months. It’s pathetic, really. But the heart knows what the heart wants. And Harry’s heart wants Niall. He cries himself to sleep. He wakes up and his eyes are painfully dry, his cheeks raw. He looks himself in the mirror and sees a ghost. During their first trip to Liam’s Tesco to get Friday Snacks after the breakup, Liam looks him up and down from behind the counter where he sits. ”Mate,” he says and the word contains so much empathy and worry that Harry can’t breathe for a second.

Hugo gets a fever after a week of their new, colorless existence. There’s something going around at school. Harry stays home with him for two days, watching movies, napping and giving him Calpol. Being at home all day makes missing Niall even more prominent and painful. Hugo hasn’t been ill in ages and it happening right as Harry cocks up massively feels like bad karma handed to him by the universe. He can’t help but think about how Niall asked him about if he believed in fate. This seems a lot like fate is reprimanding him for going against its wishes.

The days blur together. The songs from Harry’s ’sad times’ playlist on Spotify are his most played. There’s a lot of The Smiths in there. Harry feels a lot like a heartbroken teenager and it’s embarrassing but he doesn’t know how else to handle this. He can’t break down in front of Hugo, can’t show him how much Niall’s absence is affecting him. No, he keeps the most embarrassing moments to the closed confines of his bedroom. It’s painful. Lying in the bed where Niall has taken him apart piece by piece, shattering him again and again. Seeing his clothes that Niall had worn, that had become more his than they were Harry’s. Existing in a space that Niall transformed into something glorious that now after his leaving has returned back to its original space, much like Cinderella’s chariot that once more became a pumpkin after the strike of midnight.

Harry tortures himself. Partly because he just can’t help it and partly because he thinks he deserves it. He looks at photos of Niall he has taken on his phone. Photos of Niall in only his pants, resting on Harry’s bed and scrolling through his phone. Photos of Niall and Hugo showing off a jigsaw puzzle they’d finished. Photos of Niall laughing. He listens to _Astral Weeks_ , the album they listened to during the weekend they spent at Niall’s flat. The weekend when the words first appeared in Harry’s heart. He lies in bed, on the left side, and imagines that the right is occupied. If he tries hard enough he can almost feel the dip in the mattress where Niall’s weight compresses it. If he tries hard enough he can almost feel Niall’s fingertips on his skin, tracing patterns. Can almost feel the heat of his breath on his skin.

It’s like he’s mourning. Liam is the one who says it first one evening when he stops by. ”He’s not dead, you know,” he says with a tone that is both sympathetic and a little annoyed, ”you can call him.” But Harry is still dead set on what he told Louis over the phone the day after it happened. He can’t. He hurt him and he doesn’t want the inevitable rejection. He doesn’t want to hear Niall say that he doesn’t want Harry anymore. So in a way he _is_ mourning. He’s mourning the life he could have had if he hadn’t been so stupid. Niall will never hear him speak the words ingrained in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so depressing, i'm sorry
> 
> and only two chapters left now, crazy! thank you for coming along on this ride with me <3
> 
> also, if you read 'wrapped in gold' before you read the breakup - are you happy with that decision? do you recommend it, or do you think it'd be better for future readers to read Niall's POV after the breakup? which way do you think brings more pain lol


	20. CHAPTER TWENTY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning to those who in any way are triggered by the mentioning of (potential) car accidents: these last two chapters are maybe not the best thing for you to read

The day has arrived for the dreaded event where Harry has to accompany Hugo’s class to the communal pool. He had forgotten about it completely, all caught up in his misery. It was his boss Tom who reminded him about it when he asked Harry if he could make sure to answer all emails before his day off. Harry had blinked stupidly at him for a moment before his brain caught up with him.

So when Harry takes Hugo to school, he does not take his bike and continue on to work, no, he takes off his jacket, hangs it next to Hugo’s, and enters the classroom alongside him. Hugo is positively ecstatic to have his daddy there with him and excitedly shows him off to his friends. The Beast does not share his enthusiasm.

Noah’s mum Charlotte is there too, and they grab a couple of child sized chairs and sit down in the back of the classroom. Harry feels like a giant with his legs folded up almost to his chin. Hugo keeps turning around in his seat to smile and wave at Harry and Harry really shouldn’t encourage it if the looks he gets from The Beast are anything to go by, but he can’t help but smile and discreetly wave back every time. Despite Harry’s recent cockup and the effect it had on Hugo, Hugo is still happy to have him here.

They’re only in the classroom for a short while before they all go out to put on their jackets and get their bags. Harry puts on his backpack and then helps out putting on a large number of backpacks on a large number of tiny people. They take the bus, which is a unique challenge in itself. Harry’s respect for reception teachers would grow infinitely if it wasn’t because The Beast happens to be one. Four adults - Harry, Charlotte, The Beast and Ms. Atkins from the school - doesn’t seem like enough for this group of five year olds that seems enormous. The children are meant to walk hand in hand and Harry learns that Hugo’s hand buddy is a little lad with bright red hair called Rhys. Hugo absolutely does not want to hold Rhys’ hand today, he wants to hold Harry’s and so, Harry walks with Hugo in one hand and Rhys in the other.

It’s very chaotic when they reach the baths and this is an experience Harry would rather forget. As the only grown male in the group, he is responsible for the boys. He ushers them inside the changing room and somehow makes sure they each get a locker. He’s got boys tugging on him in every direction; one needs help taking off his jumper that gets caught around his ears, one can’t find his swimming trunks and needs Harry to look (they are in his bag and also very easy to find) and one does not want to get changed, so Harry has to gently coax him into undressing which feels a bit weird. In the end, he manages to get all twelve boys changed, and quickly starts to undress to change into his own swimwear. He takes his shirt off and immediately feels eyes on him.

”Wow,” one of them, George, Harry thinks, breathes out. Rhys is at his side at once, reaching his hand up to touch the ink on Harry’s left arm. Harry lets them all stare in awe at his upper body for a short moment before quickly removing his linen trousers and instead putting on his swimming trunks. Unfortunately, he chose his yellow ones that don’t cover the tiger on his thigh entirely, so that catches the boys’ attention as well. Kieran and Adnan especially are very impressed by that one.

After having instructed the boys to rinse off in the showers, they all march out to the children’s swimming pool. The girls and the other adults are already there waiting for them and The Beast impatiently taps her finger to the top of her wrist like if she wore a watch. This is a little unfair, Harry thinks, because they were three and he was on his own. She also lets her gaze wander over Harry’s body in a very unappreciative way when they come closer, and Harry feels a lot like shoving her into the water. Charlotte on the other hand, quickly looks away from him and blushes slightly which would have been very nice if it wasn’t the case that the only one Harry wants to look at his body, is Niall.

Harry and Charlotte enter the water, which is pleasantly warm, along with the children while The Beast and Ms. Atkins stay on dry land to instruct the children on how to move their arms. A few of them can swim already, but most cannot. Hugo is one of them. Harry is planning on teaching him this summer (because he surely won’t learn it today), take a couple of days and go to the coast, Margate perhaps. Before his cockup, he had imagined Niall coming along with them. They’d rent an AirBnb perhaps, spend the days on the beach. Harry would teach Hugo how to swim and they would return to their little island of towels spread out in the sand where Niall would be, perhaps reading a book. They would sneak up on him quietly and Harry would place his wet hands on Niall’s back, warm from the sun. Niall would yelp and Harry would kiss him as an apology. In the evenings they would relax. Make dinner together, all three of them, perhaps eat out one night if they could afford it. They’d play games after dinner, laze about, bodies tired after a day in the water. And after Hugo had gone to bed, Harry would put lotion on Niall’s sunburned shoulders before Niall would push into him slowly in the most wonderful kind of torture. It’s a fantasy that hurts too much to think about, now.

After what feels like an eternity of helping the poor splashing children who can’t seem to grasp the whole swimming thing, The Beast finally decides that they get free time to play. The children, not only the boys, crowd around Harry to look at his tattoos and ask if they can touch them. He hears one girl tell another that her daddy has tattoos as well, but not _this many_ in a very jealous voice. This pleases Harry more than it should. Hugo looks very proud of his classmates fawning over his dad, pointing out the ink spelling out his name to one of his friends. The children lose interest in his ink after a while and move on to playing and splashing at each other. Harry wades over to Hugo who climbs onto his back with great excitement.

”Get up on my shoulders,” Harry tells him and when Hugo is up there, he tilts forward and sends Hugo into the water. Hugo shrieks with laughter and when he comes up to the surface, smiles bright like the sun. Harry loves him so much.

”Mr. Styles,” comes The Beast’s voice from the side of the pool, ”please don’t throw the children into the water.”

Harry turns to her and can’t quite hide his disbelief. He pushes his wet hair away from his forehead. ”I’m not throwing children into the water, Mrs. Hannigan. I’m throwing _my own son_ into the water.”

She purses her lips, clearly annoyed. Nevertheless, when Hugo attempts at climbing back up at Harry’s back, Harry stops him. Despite her obvious faults at being a human in general, Harry doesn’t want to undermine her in front of her students. He’s not cruel. Still, a few children have seen the fun that can be had with him, and come over to request being hurled around, as well. Harry figures out a way of throwing them around without actually throwing them _into_ the water, which proves to be plenty of fun. He overhears a girl telling Hugo that his daddy is ”so cool” and Harry tries to not look smug. It feels somewhat like a glorious badge of honour, especially as they aren’t nearly as impressed by Charlotte.

It is, all in all, a good day of fun. Harry is distracted enough to not think too much about Niall (which is good) and he gets to see his son interact with his classmates. They all seem to like him, listening intently when he speaks. He does the same when they speak and smiles kindly at everyone. It warms Harry’s heart. Despite all his recent failings as a father, he hasn’t cocked it up completely. His son is turning out quite fine.

The school has brought sandwiches for lunch. They eat them when they get out of the pool, dripping in their towels in the little cafeteria area. Harry looks at the one Ms. Atkins hands him with suspicion. It’s ham and cheese which isn’t bad in itself, but the bread has to be the most dry one he’s ever seen. The children don’t seem to mind, though, munching happily between sips from their water bottles. Harry takes a bite and his suspicions are confirmed. The bread grows into a mush of dry cement that he is unable to swallow. He discreetly spits it out into a napkin and tries not to gag. The rest of the sandwich he hides under a second napkin.

Getting the boys ready to go back to school turns out to be more difficult than getting them ready for swimming. All the swimming has tired them out and more than a few of them turn cranky in the changing room. It’s a little annoying, but at least Hugo is on his best behaviour even though Harry can see that he too is exhausted. Harry is very thankful. He manages to get everyone into the showers and then helps them dry off. It really doesn’t seem okay that he is the only adult here in charge of them. When they finally leave the changing room, Harry feels like he’s aged ten years. He has originally planned that after they’ve returned to school and he is no longer needed, that he would go to work because a full day of absence is going to show on his salary, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to. He’ll likely go home and nap for a few hours before he has to go pick up Hugo.

He sits down next to Hugo on the bus. Hugo leans his head against Harry’s arm and Harry pats his hand. His hair is still damp from his shower and Harry places a short kiss on it.

”I like that you came today,” Hugo says and yawns.

”Yeah, me too,” says Harry and lies only a little. Then Rhys asks him about the anchor on his wrist and he has to present his arm for inspection. The bus ride goes smoothly and then they have to change in Clapham Junction for the bus that takes them back to Thomas’, because the bus that took them directly from the school to the pool earlier only goes in the mornings and evenings, which is stupid. Because now Harry is in Clapham junction and he hasn’t been here since the whole breakup situation with Niall and the fact that Niall works _here_ is maddening. Harry tries very hard to not look in the direction of The Grand. It works surprisingly well. Hugo agrees on taking Rhys’ hand instead of Harry’s, and they form a long line as they walk over to the right bus stop. Harry walks somewhere in the middle with Maisie in his right hand. She is an excellent hand buddy, immediately striking up a conversation with him about the pros and cons about crickets. She is rattling off facts about their eating habits when out of the blue, suddenly Hugo shouts with great excitement, ”Niall!” and rushes off.

This is the moment when the concept of time loses all meaning.

It slows down and Harry can see everything, all the little details in his surroundings that he usually misses. He sees the sun reflected in shop windows. He sees the wrapper from a chocolate bar lazily dancing in the wind. He sees a toddler bending over to pick up a pebble. He sees an elderly couple walking hand in hand. He sees a woman speaking angrily into her phone, a teenage boy standing outside McDonald’s devouring what looks to be a cheeseburger, a dog straining on its leash to get to a girl who’s presenting her hand for sniffing, a man squinting to read the information at a bus stop-

And he sees, on the other side of the street - Niall. He’s looking at something on his phone, his sunnies pushed up in his hair. He doesn’t seem to have heard the shout of his name, doesn’t react. He’s wearing a pair of checkered trousers and a white short sleeved shirt unbuttoned to show the gold necklace he wears. He is more beautiful than Harry’s ever seen. After not seeing Niall for three weeks, he looks almost angelic. Harry’s heart stutters and the words in there stir uncomfortably, awakening at the sight. He can almost smell him, despite being too far away. Can almost smell home.

Harry also sees Hugo, who has ripped his hand from Rhys’ and is dashing off in Niall’s direction. His backpack swings heavily with his movements, bouncing on his back. He shouts Niall’s name once more and this time Niall hears him. It’s almost like time comes to a complete stop as he looks up from his phone and his eyes widen when he sees what Harry sees:

Hugo, running right out into the street;

The car- the car that is not expecting the loose cannon in the form of a child, driving at an unforgiving speed. The sound of the car horn is like the roar of a monster, loud and never ending.

No.

Nonononono

Please no

Please

Harry’s heart stops. The cry of his son’s name is ripped from somewhere deep inside him in a voice that is not his own.


	21. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

He pulls his hand from Maisie’s and staggers forward. On the other side of the street stands Niall, looking back at Harry with wide eyes. Wrapped around his thighs are Hugo’s arms. Niall’s hands cradle Hugo’s head as if on instinct and he breaks Harry’s gaze to look down at Hugo. He kneels down and grabs Harry’s son close to his body at the same time as Harry’s legs give in and he falls down on his knees. All he can see in front of his eyes is the car, breaking just in time to narrowly miss Hugo and instead hit the backpack swinging on his back. Hugo didn’t even seem to notice.

Harry’s ears are ringing. He can feel the light pressure of a hand on his shoulder but he doesn’t know who it belongs to. On the other side of the street, Niall’s face turns from shocked into angry. He swiftly turns Hugo in his arms, his mouth moving fast as he points first to the car that has yet to move on, then to the zebra-crossing and the red light and then lastly at Harry. Harry and Hugo’s eyes meet.

Harry’s arms begin to shake.

Niall stands up and takes Hugo’s hand firmly in his own. He motions for the driver that nearly hit Harry’s son to roll down his window and he says something, putting his hand over his heart before he drags Hugo with him across the road. Harry sees it happening as if he’s looking through a window. His heart is beating furiously in his ears. His son is alive. The car didn’t hit him. And yet, all his brain is able to produce in his head is the sight of the car narrowly missing his fragile body. It’s stuck on replay. Like a needle jumping on a scratched record. Every time the car hits Hugo’s backpack, Hugo runs off into the street again.

And here comes Hugo, his hand clutched tightly in Niall’s. Once they’ve crossed the street safely, Hugo lets go of Niall and runs over to Harry. Harry attempts at standing up to meet him, but his legs won’t listen and he stays frozen in place and then his arms are full of his son.

”I’m sorry,” Hugo says into his neck and Harry clutches tightly at him, hugs him as close as physically possible while Hugo wraps himself around him. Harry gasps into his hair. His sight blurs. Through the wetness, he sees Niall coming towards them and kneeling down. He wraps his arm around Harry’s shoulder and kisses his hair. Whispers something in Harry’s ear but he can’t hear it, can only hear the sound of Hugo’s breathing. He sobs into his son’s hair. He’s vaguely aware of things happening around them; the children talking, Niall saying something over his head - but it is all drowned out by the feeling of Hugo’s fingers clutching at Harry’s hair.

He is alive. He is alive. He is alive.

Niall wraps himself tighter around them. He whispers something again into Harry’s ear. When Harry doesn’t respond, he kisses Harry’s temple and repeats himself.

”Take him home, Harry.”

Harry nods against Hugo’s hair and turns his head to look at Niall properly. Sees through his tears that Niall’s eyes are wet, too. He pushes the hair away from Harry’s forehead.

”Take him home,” he says again, ”I’ll come over later, yeah? I’ll try to get off as soon as I can.”

Harry nods jerkily. He does nothing to do as told. Niall stands up and helps Harry to do so as well without having to let go of his son. His legs are shaky and unstable. Hugo wraps his legs tightly around his waist. Harry hoists him up higher and breathes in his smell.

”Go,” says Niall and sends him off with a gentle hand on his head. Harry looks at the children who observe him with wide eyes, and then at Charlotte and Ms. Atkins who look back at him with eyes overflowing with sympathy. He does not look at The Beast. And then he starts off in the direction of their home.

His legs don’t tire. His arms don’t tire. Hugo stays still in his arms. Harry carries him the entire way home without even realising it. It feels like he’s barely started walking and suddenly he’s at the front door to their building. He refuses to put him down to punch in the code to get in through the door, and has to shift Hugo’s weight onto one arm. His arms still don’t tire. He carries him up all the stairs and unlocks the door to their flat. Walks inside, closes the door. And drops to the floor once more, still clutching Hugo tightly. He starts crying again. He doesn’t know when he stopped, but he obviously had.

”Daddy,” Hugo whimpers in his arms. The discomfort and fear is clear in his weak voice. Harry reluctantly loosens his grip and for the first time since Hugo fell into his arms, Harry allows him to lift his head from Harry’s shoulder. He starts pushing the damned backpack off Hugo’s shoulders and this is when he sees Hugo’s Postman Pat water bottle in the open side pocket. The metal is dented where it wasn’t before, clearly marked by the force of the car. Harry sucks in a breath when he sees how close the water bottle is sitting to Hugo’s ribs. His fragile, fragile ribs. His insides turn violently and he pushes Hugo off him quickly and rushes through the flat. He makes it to the toilet just in time. Hugging the bowl, he throws up. It’s not a lot considering he didn’t have any lunch but his throat burns harshly. He sobs violently, his tears mixing with the half digested food. He lets his head hang between his shoulders for a bit longer than necessary, just trying to get the images out of his head and trying to get his heart to stop racing.

When he finally looks up, he sees Hugo standing in the doorway, watching him with frightened eyes.

”Daddy?”

”I’m fine,” Harry croaks out and stands up on shaky legs to rinse his mouth in the sink. Sees himself in the mirror. He looks absolutely ruined. He turns to Hugo who still watches him warily.

”Hugs,” he begins, but Hugo interrupts him.

”I’m sorry, daddy,” he rushes out, ”I’ll never run into the street again, I promise.”

Harry nods slowly. He crosses the distance between them and leans down to kiss the top of his head. Lets his lips linger there for a moment and closes his eyes. ”Let’s cuddle in front of the telly.”

Harry lays down on the sofa and pulls Hugo down on top of him. He rests his head on Harry’s chest. Harry puts on CBeebies and hugs Hugo tightly. He closes his eyes and shoves his nose into his hair. Concentrates on how his hand on Hugo’s back rises with each breath Hugo takes. Concentrates on Hugo’s fingers gripping Harry’s shirt. Concentrates on the warmth he emits, on the way he wiggles his toes against Harry’s leg. Concentrates on all the ways that show that he’s alive.

They lie there forever. Harry cries quietly several times, when the images replaying in his head become too overpowering. Hugo falls asleep after some time and the way his body relaxes feels too much like a lifeless body, too much like the images in Harry’s head. Harry has to listen carefully to his breaths to calm himself down.

The front door opens and Niall enters the flat. Harry had forgotten that he still has his key. He doesn’t know what time it is. He hears Niall take his shoes off and place something on the floor and then his head appears in the doorway. Harry realises that the room has gotten darker.

”Harry…” Niall steps into the sitting room cautiously. He nods toward Hugo. ”He asleep?”

Harry nods and his eyes tear up again. Niall shushes him gently and then bends down to help him get up without waking Hugo, moving him carefully toward the back of the sofa. He pulls Harry up when he’s free and engulfs him tightly in his arms. The breath Harry takes feels like the first full one in three weeks and a relief washes over him. He wraps his arms tightly around Niall and breathes him in. His eyes are stinging. Still stinging from the tears he cries about today and now also because of Niall. Who he hurt and who has come here, anyway. He lost Niall and today, he nearly lost his son as well. He nearly lost everything. He shudders and makes a decision.

”I’m sorry,” he breathes out into Niall’s shoulder.

Niall shushes him again and rocks them gently from side to side. ”Let’s not worry about that now.” He squeezes Harry’s waist and then lets go. ”I’ll put the kettle on.” He motions for the kitchen and Harry nods.

Niall takes out two mugs and dumps tea bags in them. Harry sits down at the table. Niall leans his bum against the counter and looks around the kitchen. He doesn't seem too comfortable here anymore. But this is also the room where Harry broke up with him. Finally, Niall looks at Harry. Harry brushes a tear away from his cheek.

”Have you eaten?”

Harry shakes his head and then groans. ”No, and neither has Hugs. _Fuck_.”

Niall waves his hand dismissively. ”He won’t starve. D’you want some toast?”

”I don’t really feel like eating.”

”I’ll make you toast,” Niall says and puts a slice of bread in the toaster. The water comes to a boil and he pours it into the mugs. Opens the fridge and pours in milk. Harry looks at the clock on the wall. It’s just after seven. Niall takes the tea bags out of the mugs and places one in front of Harry. Harry moves it closer to himself and puts his face over it, breathing in the smell of English Breakfast.

”I’m sorry,” he says again, but Niall ignores him, keeps his back to Harry as he butters his toast and drizzles honey on it. He puts it on a plate and places it next to Harry’s mug.

”I don’t want you to hate me,” Harry says with the slight feeling of a panic rising in his chest.

”I don’t hate you,” Niall says, ”wouldn’t be here if I did.” And then he sits down opposite Harry. He takes a cautious sip of his hot tea.

”Eat,” he says. Harry takes a small nibble of a corner.

”How are you feeling?” Niall asks after a moment of silence.

Harry puts his head in his hand, resting his elbow on the tabletop. ”I keep seeing it,” he rasps out. Niall nods understandingly.

”Did you see it? Did you see how the car hit his backpack?” Harry asks, feeling his chest tighten and his eyes tear up once again at the question.

”Yeah,” Niall nods and then his face twists and he starts sobbing. He pushes his closed fists into his eyes. ”It was the scariest fucking thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t even begin to understand how it must have felt for you.”

”His water bottle is dented from the impact.” It feels surreal whispering it.

Niall sobs louder. His shoulders shake. His tears are infectious and Harry starts crying as well. Harry doesn’t know how to comfort him, not when he himself has broken in two. And not after what he said to him. He stretches his arms out across the table, reaching for him, and Niall grabs his hands tightly in his own. They cry. They cry. They cry. Harry’s tears are not all for Hugo, but for Niall as well. Perhaps that is true for Niall, too.

Niall calms himself down first, rubbing soothingly over Harry’s hands with his fingers and then letting go of them once Harry’s sobbing quiets down as well. He wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand and looks at Harry. His eyes are red and his lips swollen. Harry suspects he looks even worse.

”How is he?”

”Scared. But not because of what happened, he’s scared of me.” Harry exhales shakily, takes another bite of his toast and swallows it down with tea. It burns the roof of his mouth. His hands are trembling. ”I’ve not been able to stop crying.”

”That’s understandable.” Niall wipes a stray tear from his cheek and blows shakily on his tea.

”I don’t even remember the walk home. I just started walking and suddenly I was standing in front of the door.”

”You carried him the whole way home?” Niall asks with surprise. ”That’s a half hour walk.”

”And then I threw up when we came home,” Harry sighs and pulls his fingers through his hair.

”Where? I’ll clean it up.” Niall makes a move to rise from his chair, but Harry stops him.

”In the bog, it’s fine. Thanks.” He smiles appreciatively at Niall, but it’s weak. ”He looked so scared, I’ve never seen him look at me like that, before.” His chest aches at the picture of it in his mind.

Niall shrugs his shoulders and takes a sip of his tea. ”But that’s understandable, isn’t it? I mean, you’re not usually crying uncontrollably in front of him.”

”I guess,” Harry shrugs and sighs. He rubs his eye.

”I shouted at him,” Niall admits after a short moment of silence. ”I was so scared, I didn’t mean to, it just happened. That probably scared him, too.”

”It’s fine, I would’ve too if I’d known how to find my voice,” Harry reassures. ”Just means you care about him,” he adds and looks down briefly. He’s been so fucking stupid.

”Yeah,” Niall breathes out. He squeezes his eyes shut and when he opens them, they’re wet once more.

”I’m sorry,” Harry says yet again. Niall sighs and reaches across the table to put his hand over Harry’s. It’s warm and soft.

”Can we please talk about that tomorrow, instead?”

Harry’s breath hitches. ”Are you staying the night?”

Niall shrugs. ”If you want me to. I don’t want you to be alone.”

”Please,” Harry says and moves his hand under Niall’s so he can grasp it. Niall smiles at him, a small, barely there smile. He gets up from the table and places his mug in the sink. Takes Harry’s and his now empty plate and does the same.

”Come on then, you look knackered,” he says and motions for Harry to follow him out of the kitchen. He walks into the sitting room and bends down to pick up Hugo.

”I’m guessing he’ll be sleeping in your bed?” He turns to Harry. Hugo lies in his arms and Niall shifts him carefully so his head leans on Niall’s arm. Harry’s heart nearly breaks at the sight. Niall, so tender with Harry’s son, despite how Harry hurt him. He’s so good.

Harry nods, and Niall walks past him and into Harry’s bedroom where he places Hugo on the right side of the bed. His side.

”Are you not sleeping in here?” Harry asks and his chest tightens.

”I was thinking about taking the sofa.” Niall points his thumb in the direction of the sitting room.

”No, please don’t. Please, stay here.”

Niall studies him for a moment and then nods. ”Alright.”

Harry breathes out in relief and closes the door. He strips down to his pants quickly and pushes Hugo gently towards the middle of the bed. Then he climbs into bed on the left side. Niall is less quick, taking his time. He leaves his shirt on. When he has climbed in under the duvet on the other side of Hugo, Harry props his head up on his hand so he can look at him over Hugo’s head. Niall looks back at him. Harry places his free hand in the middle of Niall’s chest. He can feel his heartbeat there, quickening at his touch.

”Thank you,” he says and tries to make his voice show how grateful he is. ”For coming here and for caring even after - even after what I did.” He swallows.

Niall blinks up at him. ”I’ll always care.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say because he doesn't think he deserves it. So he simply nods and removes his hand and lays back down. Niall turns the light off. Harry wraps Hugo up in his arms.

”I told The Beast that she shouldn’t expect him to come to school tomorrow,” Niall says in the dark.

”Thank you.” Harry hadn’t even thought about that. He temporarily lets go of Hugo to reach out and grab his phone. He sends a quick text to his boss, letting him know that he won’t be in tomorrow, and then wraps his arms around his son again. His son, whose heart is still beating. He listens to the sound of his breathing and the sound of Niall’s breathing. Tries to not look at the images on repeat in his head, tries instead to focus on the bundle of life cradled against his chest. He doesn’t know when he manages to fall asleep.

He wakes up slowly to the sound of whispers. He keeps his eyes closed so he doesn’t reveal that he’s awake.

”It was so scary,” Hugo whispers.

Niall hums.

”He just cried and cried and cried,” Hugo continues, ”and then he threw up!” His voice raises a little and Niall shushes him.

”That’s because of something called adrenaline,” he explains in a hushed voice. ”When something very, very scary happens, your body reacts by giving you lots and lots of energy so you can run away if you need to, or help someone. This is why your daddy could carry you the whole way home. He was very scared, and that made him strong. And then he threw up, because when the adrenaline leaves the body it can be a bit uncomfortable.”

It’s not completely true. Harry threw up because of the sight of Hugo’s water bottle, but Niall doesn’t know that. It doesn’t really matter, anyway. He appreciates that Niall is trying to soothe his son. They’re quiet for a moment and Harry almost opens his eyes, but then Hugo whispers again.

”I missed you.”

”I missed you, too,” Niall sighs, ”so much.”

”I wish you hadn’t left.”

Harry’s heart aches. The words in there are crying. He opens his eyes. Niall lies on his back with Hugo on top of him, his head resting on Niall’s chest. He’s still wearing his uniform. Niall has one of his hands in Hugo’s hair, massaging his scalp. Hugo is holding onto his other. The sight is the most beautiful Harry has ever seen. His arms ache to hold his son, but that will have to wait because his focus needs to be on Niall, now.

Hugo is the first to notice that Harry’s awake, his head turned in Harry’s direction. ”Daddy,” he says, making Niall snap his head in Harry’s direction.

Harry looks at him for a long moment. Then he takes the words carefully from his heart, cradling them gently in his arms. He looks at them, these words that have lived there for over two months. Begging for his attention, these words that he has refused to look at. Finally, they are being let out for the first time. He places them gently on his tongue and takes a deep breath.

”I love you,” he says and it is the easiest thing he’s ever done. ”I love you.” There they are, out in the open. His heart breathes out in relief.

Niall blinks slowly.

”You were right,” Harry continues, ”I was scared. So I lied. I’m sorry, for everything I said.”

He can feel Hugo’s large eyes on him, but he puts all his focus on Niall. ”I want it. Everything you’ve offered me, I want it. I want you. I love you.”

Niall takes his hand out of Hugo’s and moves it across the bed. He takes Harry’s hand and squeezes it. Harry looks at their hands. His chipping pink nail varnish and Niall’s nails that show signs of a lot of biting, more than usual.

”We have some things to talk about.”

”Yeah, I know,” Harry nods.

”I know we never had that talk about my job, so I guess some of this is my fault.”

”It isn’t,” Harry hurries to say, ”nothing is. I’m the one who fu- messed up,” he corrects himself, throwing a quick glance down at Hugo who is still watching him quietly with big eyes. ”I was scared,” he repeats himself. ”Of how much you cared for me, and Hugo, and of how much I love you.”

Niall squeezes his hand again. It feels a bit weird to say these things in front of Hugo, but this is how it is.

”But it want it. I promise, I want it. I want you. Not because of what happened yesterday,” he takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes, attempts to stop the images that at his mentioning, start up. Niall squeezes his hand again. ”Not because of yesterday,” Harry continues and opens his eyes, ”I knew right away that you were right. I want you. I love you.”

His heart feels light. His entire body feels light. He is weightless. Niall’s hand in his is the only thing anchoring him.

Niall takes a deep breath and smiles. It’s so beautiful. He takes his hand out of Hugo’s hair and pushes at his shoulder. ”Off, please.”

Hugo dutifully rolls off, falling down in between them. Now free, Niall turns on his side to Harry and says, ”I want it, too.” He sighs and smiles. ”Because I love you too, obviously.”

Harry can feel his smile stretching over his face. ”Yeah?”

”Yeah. I don’t appreciate how yesterday needed to happen for you to say this and like I said, we’ve got some things to talk about, but yeah. Of course I do.”

Harry reaches out across Hugo, effectively covering his face with his arm and cradles Niall’s cheek. He rubs his thumb softly over his skin and sees things in Niall’s eyes that weren’t there before. It’s like a door has opened and Harry is allowed everything. It’s glorious.

”Go on then,” Niall says and gestures with his head for Harry to come closer, ”kiss me.”

They kiss.

They kiss. They kiss. They kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we have it. thank you so much to everyone who's been reading my weekly updates and commenting, it means so much to me.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fanfic in YEARS. it has been a wip since 2015 and one of my goals for 2020 was to finish it. so, here it is. it gets better as my writing has improved during these years, so hang in there.
> 
> come see me at horansheroes.tumblr.com x


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